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The Long Distance Relationship Society Advice Centre

Yep, no one said it was going to be easy, but I had no idea just how hard it would be. And university changes people, and I worry that I'll just drift apart form my boyfriend, it already feels that way. I like him and that won't change, but it's questionable as to whether I still feel strongly enough about him to stay with him...

This is what my boyfriend said.

we'd been together three n half years.
2 weeks ago he decided he'd changed and his feelings had.

we finish uni in summer. i feel he's completely let us down.
especially as he did it over text.

but he explained himself a little more n I get it's been hard and although he
says distance wasn't part of it I think it was a bit - he said he'd changed and we'd spent just as much time apart as together. bah.

SO my point would be. decide now. like I still believe they can work.
I would happily have stayed with my boyfriend at least to see how we were after we were in a short distance normal r-ship lol.

If you already have doubts then it doesn't seem good. but think it all through.
how much would you miss him, would you just miss him because of habit or do you want to be with him?

anyway i'd say give it more of a go and if you still feel like this in a while, then reconsider.

good luck :smile:

Reply 5421

evelet1

Original post by New...Romantic

I felt like this when my boyfriend was at uni, he lived in halls in first and second year so there was always someone for him to talk to or go out with. I lived at home (which I hated) so very rarely went out and if I did it was planned in advance. I always found it hard when he got invited out last minute if I'd been expecting a phone call or something. So I don't think it's cos he doesn't care, he's probably just enjoying uni and trying to fit in and see his friends. And (if he's like my boyfriend) it doesn't help that they just don't understand how you're feeling cos they're having a great time. Do you speak a lot? Have you been to visit him? It gets a bit easier when you know his friends and they know you.

I'm glad I'm not the only one, because sometimes I think I might just be being a bit paranoid! I know exactly what you mean about him being invited out last minute when you're expecting a phone call, I find that a bit like "urghhh" because I can't really have a go at him for that can I? Ha!

We speak on the phone most nights, but if I've gone out or he has we don't.. which is quite a lot. I go over to see him as much as I can, mostly every other weekend. He's living with 8 others guys though, so when I go over I do feel a little intimidated ha, but I get on with them all so thats okay.

Reply 5422

alfie-freitas

Original post by Anonymous

Yep, no one said it was going to be easy, but I had no idea just how hard it would be. And university changes people, and I worry that I'll just drift apart form my boyfriend, it already feels that way. I like him and that won't change, but it's questionable as to whether I still feel strongly enough about him to stay with him...

Are you a girl?

Reply 5423

Anonymous #211

Is anyone else spending christmas day with their other half?

I'm going to my boyfriends for christmas, 200 miles away!

Reply 5424

Anonymous #256

Original post by alfie-freitas

Are you a girl?

Yes lol. I would have thought the part where I said I find it uncomfortable seeing facebook photos of him with other girls would have gave it away :tongue:

Reply 5425

becky.fm

18

Urgh LDR = 'seeing each other' in my case. Absolute joke :frown:

Reply 5426

alfie-freitas

Original post by Anonymous

Yes lol. I would have thought the part where I said I find it uncomfortable seeing facebook photos of him with other girls would have gave it away :tongue:

Oh ok... lol that is true. Would it be possible for us to chat. Just because I feel we have a lot in common and with this long distance relationship thing and sometimes I dunno how to react and what to do... just because its something that isnt very popular. LOL so it would be nice to speak to someone in the same position as me. Maybe exchange msn? or something?? maybe inbox me privately and I'll try and get to you or even facebook and I'll chat to you when I see you on the chat thing

Reply 5427

22KT22

15

Original post by becky.fm

Urgh LDR = 'seeing each other' in my case. Absolute joke :frown:

As in a LDR is an absolute joke or that your LDR is a joke?

Reply 5428

becky.fm

18

Original post by 22KT22

As in a LDR is an absolute joke or that your LDR is a joke?

Mine is haha.

Reply 5429

Profesh

20

Original post by Anonymous

Is anyone else spending christmas day with their other half?

I'm going to my boyfriends for christmas, 200 miles away!

No.

Edit: Cheers.

(edited 13 years ago)

Reply 5430

22KT22

15

Original post by becky.fm

Mine is haha.

That sucks :frown:

How come?

Reply 5431

becky.fm

18

Original post by 22KT22

That sucks :frown:

How come?

Because he can't handle commitment (couldn't even when i did live at home) so when i'm away, we agreed we would be open to other people. Yeah it's awful. I love him and want to be with him, but this is difficultttttt.

Either way, i'm going home in 4 days so hopefully i'll get it sorted then.

(edited 13 years ago)

Reply 5432

Anonymous #247

I visited my boyfriend at uni last week for a couple of nights, after we've had a bit of a rocky period in our LDR, and I thought it went really well. I think we're back on track with things, and spending time with him over xmas will be really nice, especially since settling into uni has been a little more difficult than it has been for him.

However, when he was about to text someone else last week, I was just looking over his shoulder (no intentional snooping or anything) and I noticed in his inbox the name of this girl, from his uni, that he'd added on facebook a bit back. Now, I trust him a lot and I know pretty strongly that he wouldn't cheat on me - mainly because he's been cheated on before and he knows how it feels like. But being a typical, paranoid girl it's been prying on my mind a fair bit, and I don't really know how to handle it. I don't want to mention it and cause an argument/misunderstanding with him, especially when so close to going home for the holidays, but being a fair way from him at the moment it's hard to let it go. It's probably just friendly banter, but it's just got me a little on edge.

Is this normal in an LDR? Is it likely he'd be feeling the same way about guys I've added on facebook at uni too?

Reply 5433

Flo[ProActiv]

15

Original post by Anonymous

I visited my boyfriend at uni last week for a couple of nights, after we've had a bit of a rocky period in our LDR, and I thought it went really well. I think we're back on track with things, and spending time with him over xmas will be really nice, especially since settling into uni has been a little more difficult than it has been for him.

However, when he was about to text someone else last week, I was just looking over his shoulder (no intentional snooping or anything) and I noticed in his inbox the name of this girl, from his uni, that he'd added on facebook a bit back. Now, I trust him a lot and I know pretty strongly that he wouldn't cheat on me - mainly because he's been cheated on before and he knows how it feels like. But being a typical, paranoid girl it's been prying on my mind a fair bit, and I don't really know how to handle it. I don't want to mention it and cause an argument/misunderstanding with him, especially when so close to going home for the holidays, but being a fair way from him at the moment it's hard to let it go. It's probably just friendly banter, but it's just got me a little on edge.

Is this normal in an LDR? Is it likely he'd be feeling the same way about guys I've added on facebook at uni too?

Has he done/ said anything to make you mistrust him, or think that something might be happening with this girl?

If not, I'd say you're worrying over nothing :hugs:

My boyfriend's best friend is a girl, and they text quite a bit. I text my [male] housemates pretty frequently. There's nothing at all going on between me and any them, it's just we're friends.

Reply 5434

Anonymous #247

[QUOTE='Flo[ProActiv];28910961']Has he done/ said anything to make you mistrust him, or think that something might be happening with this girl?

If not, I'd say you're worrying over nothing :hugs:

My boyfriend's best friend is a girl, and they text quite a bit. I text my [male] housemates pretty frequently. There's nothing at all going on between me and any them, it's just we're friends.

No, he hasn't done or said anything to make me feel that way, apart from seeing that he'd been texting her - hasn't even mentioned her or talked to her over fb or anything. What got me a bit on edge was that he only added her a week ago and they were texting.. *shrug*

I'm probably worrying over nothing, you're right! Would you be a little uneasy about that sort of thing?

Reply 5435

jeh_jeh

2

Original post by Anonymous

No, he hasn't done or said anything to make me feel that way, apart from seeing that he'd been texting her - hasn't even mentioned her or talked to her over fb or anything. What got me a bit on edge was that he only added her a week ago and they were texting.. *shrug*

I'm probably worrying over nothing, you're right! Would you be a little uneasy about that sort of thing?

My boyfriend texts and private messages (on Facebook) his [female] housemate a lot, too. I suppose it helps that I've met her and we're really good friends, and I know nothing would ever happen; but you also have to remember that if those texts were that bad that your boyfriend would never want you to see them, he'd have probably deleted them.

If this is the only thing that's caught your attention, I'd leave it - it's not like it's the latest thing in a catalogue of suspicious activity. Being in a long-distance relationship definitely makes you (people generally) generally more jealous, though, because you realise that you're maybe not with them that much, and then you think of all the people who are, and then you start worrying that something might happen with one of them. :hugs:

Reply 5436

She_Bittersweet

11

I just cannot wait till July when my 5 year long distance relationship will finally turn into proper one :smile:

We are gonna move in together and live like normal people. 7 months to go and thats itt!

Reply 5437

Mikeyb12

An hour journey to see my Girfriend, and things could not be better.

Reply 5438

TurkeyDinosaur

Original post by Anonymous

Is anyone else spending christmas day with their other half?

I'm going to my boyfriends for christmas, 200 miles away!

yep, in a completely different country

Reply 5439

Jellybean91

12

My boyfriends just moved back home for christmas today. theres no internet in his house, and hes so far into his overdraft that he cant afford credit. i called him earlier to check he got home ok and he seemed really distant and i dont know what to do :frown:

i dont want to call him again cos i dont want to bug him and he kept giving like 1 word answers and didnt really ask any questions to me. i only saw him a couple of days ago and things were great and now hes really angry and grumpy :frown:

i dont know what i can do or what ive done! any help would be really appreciated!

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