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    Hi all, previously posted in the main forum, sorry...

    I assume this topic has already been covered, but I deeply (I mean it) need personal advice.
    I live in Europe with my SO (whom I have been dating for 2 years now) and in three weeks, I'll arrive in UK for a Master degree in Nottingham. Problem:

    I don't know whether or not I should try to stay with my girlfriend (kind of distance relationship). I'm afraid that distance between us will end our relationship, as I don't miss her that much when she's away from me.
    I REALLY enjoy being with her, etc. but I'm not sure it will be enough. When I'm with her, I feel like she's so great, but when she leaves, I sometimes have doubts, and look at other girls. I told her my feelings about it and it tears our hearts apart.

    The million $ question is: should I proprely end this relationship now (taking the risk of having regrets because she's such a wonderful person), or should we try to do this, taking the risk an heartbreaking failure?

    It seems like we should try, but for some reasons, its a huge effort for her to stay with me, even if she loves me. And if it doesn't work in two months, she'll be devastated.
    Yesterday, we decided that I should leave the place and go back to my parent's place, so that we can think about it without being influenced...

    What would you do if you were in my shoes?

    Thank you in advance for answering to my question and sorry for the lenght and my terrible english, it's not my mother tongue.
    • #451
    #451

    (Original post by Kornflakes)
    Hi all, previously posted in the main forum, sorry...

    I assume this topic has already been covered, but I deeply (I mean it) need personal advice.
    I live in Europe with my SO (whom I have been dating for 2 years now) and in three weeks, I'll arrive in UK for a Master degree in Nottingham. Problem:

    I don't know whether or not I should try to stay with my girlfriend (kind of distance relationship). I'm afraid that distance between us will end our relationship, as I don't miss her that much when she's away from me.
    I REALLY enjoy being with her, etc. but I'm not sure it will be enough. When I'm with her, I feel like she's so great, but when she leaves, I sometimes have doubts, and look at other girls. I told her my feelings about it and it tears our hearts apart.

    The million $ question is: should I proprely end this relationship now (taking the risk of having regrets because she's such a wonderful person), or should we try to do this, taking the risk an heartbreaking failure?

    It seems like we should try, but for some reasons, its a huge effort for her to stay with me, even if she loves me. And if it doesn't work in two months, she'll be devastated.
    Yesterday, we decided that I should leave the place and go back to my parent's place, so that we can think about it without being influenced...

    What would you do if you were in my shoes?

    Thank you in advance for answering to my question and sorry for the lenght and my terrible english, it's not my mother tongue.
    The bits I've highlighted in bold, suggest to me that you aren't all that bothered if you stay together or not. I mean, you look at other women and don't even miss her when she's not around. :zomg:

    Honestly, no-one here can tell you if you're right or wrong for whatever decision you choose, but a LDR takes a lot of hard work and effort, and if you feel you can't provide that, then the best solution would be to end it now. However, when it comes to the crunch, you might find that you'll miss her as you CAN'T see her.

    If I were you I'd attempt to give it a go and if it doesn't work out, end it. You say she'll be devastated in a couple of months, but if you end it now she'll still be upset. Also won't you be upset if you end it? Pretty tell-tale sign if you aren't...
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    (Original post by Kornflakes)
    Hi all, previously posted in the main forum, sorry...

    I assume this topic has already been covered, but I deeply (I mean it) need personal advice.
    I live in Europe with my SO (whom I have been dating for 2 years now) and in three weeks, I'll arrive in UK for a Master degree in Nottingham. Problem:

    I don't know whether or not I should try to stay with my girlfriend (kind of distance relationship). I'm afraid that distance between us will end our relationship, as I don't miss her that much when she's away from me.
    I REALLY enjoy being with her, etc. but I'm not sure it will be enough. When I'm with her, I feel like she's so great, but when she leaves, I sometimes have doubts, and look at other girls. I told her my feelings about it and it tears our hearts apart.

    The million $ question is: should I proprely end this relationship now (taking the risk of having regrets because she's such a wonderful person), or should we try to do this, taking the risk an heartbreaking failure?

    It seems like we should try, but for some reasons, its a huge effort for her to stay with me, even if she loves me. And if it doesn't work in two months, she'll be devastated.
    Yesterday, we decided that I should leave the place and go back to my parent's place, so that we can think about it without being influenced...

    What would you do if you were in my shoes?

    Thank you in advance for answering to my question and sorry for the lenght and my terrible english, it's not my mother tongue.
    If you feel like this then I would not stay with her because unless you are willing to work at it then it will not work.
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    Oki thank you very much it helps a lot!
    Today I leave the appartment to make a decision.
    For some reasons (I planned to cheat on her while in UK to satisfy some sexual needs -I know its stupid and unfair, I regret!- and she caught me by reading my emails), she wants me to be 100% sure I want to give LDR a try and to make the efforts that follow before accepting. I have three weeks to think about it, to say yeah let's do this, or on the contrary to break up.
    I strongly hesitate because I don't want to say yes just because it sounds great, and then, after one month, realize that I wanna break up, you see what I mean?
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    (Original post by Kornflakes)
    Oki thank you very much it helps a lot!
    Today I leave the appartment to make a decision.
    For some reasons (I planned to cheat on her while in UK to satisfy some sexual needs -I know its stupid and unfair, I regret!- and she caught me by reading my emails), she wants me to be 100% sure I want to give LDR a try and to make the efforts that follow before accepting. I have three weeks to think about it, to say yeah let's do this, or on the contrary to break up.
    I strongly hesitate because I don't want to say yes just because it sounds great, and then, after one month, realize that I wanna break up, you see what I mean?
    You clearly don't want to do this so should end it now and let her find someone who genuinely wants to be with her and stay faithful to her, because if you've already thought about it, you'd probably do it.


    This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App
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    Ok thank you. I wonder why is it so hard... Anyone shares such_a_lady's opinion or have another opinion?
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    (Original post by Kornflakes)
    Ok thank you. I wonder why is it so hard... Anyone shares such_a_lady's opinion or have another opinion?
    I agree with her, if you're not 100% committed to making the relationship work and staying faithful then it's not going to work out.
    • #420
    #420

    (Original post by Kornflakes)
    Ok thank you. I wonder why is it so hard... Anyone shares such_a_lady's opinion or have another opinion?
    I also agree. No offence, but if you planned to cheat on her then she deserves much much better. Not saying you are a bad person, but she needs someone who will love her unconditionally.
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    Ok, thank you. I have although the feeling that I "need" te be alone and unhappy to realise how lucky I was to be with her. Hence, to avoid any regrets, I think I shall suggest her to try to give it a shot, to avoid any regrets. If it doesn't work, we would have tried, at least. And if it's not good enough for her (too risky, not convincing enough), we will break up before I leave...
    What do you think about this plan?
    Thank you for your help.
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    Boyfriend is being rubbish with contact again already. I spoke to him only two weeks ago about how 2 short texts a day can't sustain a relationship. Tbh, maybe it is enough and I'm just being a nag. Either way, this amount of contact just doesn't work for me, especially when I'm having a rough time. I just can't cope feeling so alone.

    I think I'm just being too demanding though.
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    (Original post by FuzzySheep)
    Boyfriend is being rubbish with contact again already. I spoke to him only two weeks ago about how 2 short texts a day can't sustain a relationship. Tbh, maybe it is enough and I'm just being a nag. Either way, this amount of contact just doesn't work for me, especially when I'm having a rough time. I just can't cope feeling so alone.

    I think I'm just being too demanding though.
    :hugs:

    I know that feeling. I'm having a really crappy time, and I haven't actually hear my girlfriend's voice in over 4 months, possibly even 5. Our communication is terrible, it's worse than yours in fact.
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    (Original post by ct2k7)
    :hugs:

    I know that feeling. I'm having a really crappy time, and I haven't actually hear my girlfriend's voice in over 4 months, possibly even 5. Our communication is terrible, it's worse than yours in fact.
    That must be so hard :hugs:

    How far is the distance? Have you spoken to her about this? :hugs:
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    (Original post by FuzzySheep)
    That must be so hard :hugs:

    How far is the distance? Have you spoken to her about this? :hugs:
    It is hard - my parents have only recently found out about us, and not in the way I intended.

    The distance is about 4 hours by train. She lives in the West Midlands, and I live on the South Coast. She herself is going through a tumultuous time in her life and the one thing I want to do is just hold her, but I feel powerless and it's tearing me up inside me.
    • #428
    #428

    (Original post by ct2k7)
    It is hard - my parents have only recently found out about us, and not in the way I intended.

    The distance is about 4 hours by train. She lives in the West Midlands, and I live on the South Coast. She herself is going through a tumultuous time in her life and the one thing I want to do is just hold her, but I feel powerless and it's tearing me up inside me.
    Why is it a problem that they found out about you? :hugs:

    That must be so horrible, I'm really sorry it's like that. Do you have a time planned for you next to see each other, or talk to each other on the phone, or maybe Skype if you have webcams? If she's going through a hard time, then it seems having you to talk to about things would be really beneficial for you both.

    Maybe if you both work towards a certain time or date where you can spend time together physically, or just a long phone call, that might be something for you to look forward to. I think it's important that you both do communicate more though, and as long as you're both a couple, it's something you'll both want :hugs:
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    (Original post by ct2k7)
    It is hard - my parents have only recently found out about us, and not in the way I intended.

    The distance is about 4 hours by train. She lives in the West Midlands, and I live on the South Coast. She herself is going through a tumultuous time in her life and the one thing I want to do is just hold her, but I feel powerless and it's tearing me up inside me.
    Oops, I came up as anonymous, but it is me.
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    (Original post by FuzzySheep)
    Oops, I came up as anonymous, but it is me.
    hehe, I didn't even notice :eek:
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    (Original post by ct2k7)
    hehe, I didn't even notice :eek:
    Well if you ever need a chat or a vent or whatever, feel free to PM me :hugs: Things will get better :hugs:
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    *subscribes*
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    *subscribes* in a part-time LDR met my boyfriend at uni but he lives about 6 hours away from me in Manchester. However, he's been in Poland for the last 7 weeks doing a language course and I haven't seen him for 8 weeks. Finally seeing him on Sunday, so excited!

    Also, he studies modern languages so will have his year abroad this time next year. Don't even want to think about that yet! :s
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    Subscribe.

    This is both the hardest yet greatest thing I've ever been involved in
 
 
 
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