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The Long Distance Relationship Society Advice Centre
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Original post by thediamondsky
I feel like my girlfriend doesn't care that we're apart. I see her at most a couple of days every few weeks, and she seems to act now as if this is a normal relationship and the normal amount to see your partner. It upsets me incredibly much 
I told her I miss her awfully and she said 'don't worry, I'll see you in two weeks'
I told her I miss her awfully and she said 'don't worry, I'll see you in two weeks'I'm like you I am a lot more open which it comes to expressing how much I miss my partner and he is a lot more reserved... I text him tonight saying miss you and he didn't say it back (not that that's what I expected) and just carried on the conversation normally. When I spoke to my boyfriend about it he said that of course he doesn't like the situation were in but you have to put up with it to be together so there's no point dwelling on it and might as well just live life pretty much. I believe this is jus some people's way of coping - but maybe have a word with her and tell her how you feel? Definitely made me feel less insecure. Hope it works out for you
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Off home on Tuesday, my family know but I haven't told my fiancé - planning on turning up at his house before he goes to work to surprise him 
can't wait to see his face!
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can't wait to see his face!This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App
Original post by codle
Off home on Tuesday, my family know but I haven't told my fiancé - planning on turning up at his house before he goes to work to surprise him can't wait to see his face!
This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App
can't wait to see his face!This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App
Aww, that will be a great surprise!
I'm going home on Friday, but unfortunately I'll only get to see my boyfriend from Sunday night/Monday morning... But still, it's better than nothing!
Only going home to see The Script!
I can't wait until the Easter holidays! 2 weeks at home!
Original post by katehlouise
Aww, that will be a great surprise!
I'm going home on Friday, but unfortunately I'll only get to see my boyfriend from Sunday night/Monday morning... But still, it's better than nothing!
Only going home to see The Script!
I can't wait until the Easter holidays! 2 weeks at home!
I'm going home on Friday, but unfortunately I'll only get to see my boyfriend from Sunday night/Monday morning... But still, it's better than nothing!
Only going home to see The Script!
I can't wait until the Easter holidays! 2 weeks at home!
Can't wait
Aww well at least you still get some time together!
Our holidays are 4 weeks! Although I'm spending one of those weeks back at uni to rehearse for a show I'm in... Still, at least I still get 3 weeks with everyone
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...
(edited 11 years ago)
Original post by thediamondsky
I feel like I need to get out of this relationship but at the same time I love her so much. I couldn't bear to lose her. I am just so torn and upset and feel so unsure of if I can carry on
but at the same time I love her so much. I couldn't bear to lose her. I am just so torn and upset and feel so unsure of if I can carry on people handles the same situation differently. maybe she is going through the same feelings but she doesnt want or cant voice those feelings. as long as you have a constant communication with her. i think it is fine. try to directly ask her how she feels... breaking up with her is too extreme imo, unless she has given you good reasons for that.
good luck and hang in there!
Original post by thediamondsky
I feel like I need to get out of this relationship but at the same time I love her so much. I couldn't bear to lose her. I am just so torn and upset and feel so unsure of if I can carry on
but at the same time I love her so much. I couldn't bear to lose her. I am just so torn and upset and feel so unsure of if I can carry on I'm in the exact same position as you right now, tried talking to my girlfriend about it the other day and was told she "wasn't finding it that hard".
The above anon was me sorry. But yeah, same position. Actually just off the phone to my girlfriend, she's really upset about the fact that I've been finding it difficult and that we could, possibly, be coming to the end of our relationship. Conversation was really awkward and I seemed to be the only one making an effort :\
...
(edited 11 years ago)
Original post by yougoonie93
The above anon was me sorry. But yeah, same position. Actually just off the phone to my girlfriend, she's really upset about the fact that I've been finding it difficult and that we could, possibly, be coming to the end of our relationship. Conversation was really awkward and I seemed to be the only one making an effort :\
Original post by thediamondsky
Ah I really feel that way sometimes. The only one to make effort, and to get none in return. It is such a horrible feeling, and so bittersweet - you want to keep trying and hold on to what you have, but hate knowing that if you don't it could all be over hang in there brother
hang in there brotherI have definitely been in your position and I hope your OHs see sense; my boyfriend and I almost broke up in situations like this, and so many times I was the only one keeping it going. It HAS worked out and we didn't break up, and I'm grateful for that every day- hopefully it'll work out for you. Stay strong.
Original post by such_a_lady
I have definitely been in your position and I hope your OHs see sense; my boyfriend and I almost broke up in situations like this, and so many times I was the only one keeping it going. It HAS worked out and we didn't break up, and I'm grateful for that every day- hopefully it'll work out for you. Stay strong.
Thank you, I just hate the whole fluctuating state of our relationship. At one minute she seems all fine and wonderful, the next cold. She admitted a month ago that she almost broke up with me over Christmas, and I haven't been able to forget that. I work so hard and would never give up but she came so close to pulling the plug over nothing really, just some silly arguments.
Long story short, been having problems with my long distance relationship for a while. Decided although I love my boyfriend it's better,for me, if we go our separate ways. I'm home at the end of this month for Easter and I'm not sure whether I should wait until then, knowing what I'm going to do or whether I should break it off sooner
Original post by Anonymous
Long story short, been having problems with my long distance relationship for a while. Decided although I love my boyfriend it's better,for me, if we go our separate ways. I'm home at the end of this month for Easter and I'm not sure whether I should wait until then, knowing what I'm going to do or whether I should break it off sooner
Is your boyfriend at home? Can you see him before then to break up with him? When I was in an LDR with my ex he waited until the day he came home for Christmas to break it off with me. Instead of doing it when I was at Uni and 4 hours away from him he did it over the phone a week before Christmas after spending all his time telling me how much he loved me and wanted to spend Christmas with me... I think you need to do it as soon as possible because it's not fair on him to drag it out. If you know it's over you should break it off now because otherwise you're going to be lying to him about spending time with him/missing him/loving him etc.
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Original post by hbandtr4eva
Is your boyfriend at home? Can you see him before then to break up with him? When I was in an LDR with my ex he waited until the day he came home for Christmas to break it off with me. Instead of doing it when I was at Uni and 4 hours away from him he did it over the phone a week before Christmas after spending all his time telling me how much he loved me and wanted to spend Christmas with me... I think you need to do it as soon as possible because it's not fair on him to drag it out. If you know it's over you should break it off now because otherwise you're going to be lying to him about spending time with him/missing him/loving him etc.
🐱❤⛄🐧🐳🐾🐼🐶🐯
🐱❤⛄🐧🐳🐾🐼🐶🐯
No way we can see each other until Easter, I'm in Belfast and he's in Scotland! I guess you're right, I just feel so ****ty doing it over the phone
Original post by Anonymous
No way we can see each other until Easter, I'm in Belfast and he's in Scotland! I guess you're right, I just feel so ****ty doing it over the phone
Put yourself in his shoes, would you rather be finished with over the phone or would you rather think everything was fine and get excited about seeing him only to arrive home for him to finish with you? At least this way you give him some time to start processing it before you get home. It'll be easier in a way for him to deal with it when he knows you're far away.
🐱❤⛄🐧🐳🐾🐼🐶🐯
Hello All,
I'm asking for some help on here as I don't know who else to ask really. Hopefully one of you lovely people will be kind enough to respond!
Me and my girlfriend started going out in Lancaster uni just over 3 years ago now, but now we've both graduated and thanks to the state of the economy both of us are living back home. We lived together for a year up until September (when we moved back), and it was honestly a hard year for both of us, as we were both doing a Masters course. Tensions flared occasionally, and neither of us really found a social footing in Manchester doing the Masters; which meant a lot of time spent together.
So we've been long distance for 5 months now, but I just feel like there's no love left in the relationship. We've tried talking about it, but neither of us really know what to do, and really I think we're both more scared about losing everything that we've known the past 3 years than starting over. Both of us are looking for careers, but neither of us are really sure where or how we'll end up.
Sometimes I think that I love her, but sometimes I find myself thinking about another girl that I work with, and I feel terrible. The thing is, I definitely did love her for at least 2 and a half years, but now I'm not so sure. When we meet up now (about once a month), it feels like we have little in common and not much to talk about.
So, do I try and fix it, and how? I feel if I break up with her it will potentially ruin both our lives; as being single, being back home and looking for a career would feel like taking my entire life back to square one.
I'm asking for some help on here as I don't know who else to ask really. Hopefully one of you lovely people will be kind enough to respond!
Me and my girlfriend started going out in Lancaster uni just over 3 years ago now, but now we've both graduated and thanks to the state of the economy both of us are living back home. We lived together for a year up until September (when we moved back), and it was honestly a hard year for both of us, as we were both doing a Masters course. Tensions flared occasionally, and neither of us really found a social footing in Manchester doing the Masters; which meant a lot of time spent together.
So we've been long distance for 5 months now, but I just feel like there's no love left in the relationship. We've tried talking about it, but neither of us really know what to do, and really I think we're both more scared about losing everything that we've known the past 3 years than starting over. Both of us are looking for careers, but neither of us are really sure where or how we'll end up.
Sometimes I think that I love her, but sometimes I find myself thinking about another girl that I work with, and I feel terrible. The thing is, I definitely did love her for at least 2 and a half years, but now I'm not so sure. When we meet up now (about once a month), it feels like we have little in common and not much to talk about.
So, do I try and fix it, and how? I feel if I break up with her it will potentially ruin both our lives; as being single, being back home and looking for a career would feel like taking my entire life back to square one.
OK, so I would be soo happy if someone could read through this essay and help me to make some sense of my feelings..
I've been with my boyfriend for 8 months and have been long distance for approximately 6 of these months (I'm abroad for University and will be back for good in July, we were only together for 2 weeks before I left). i've found that I go through phases when I'm away where I start to get annoyed with skyping him for so long every day (we usually skype for at least an hour and a half, sometimes 3 or 4 hours) and the things he says start to annoy me. When I'm at home or he visits I'm usually fine and really love him, we get on unbelievably well and have so much to talk about that we never stop, he's my best friend and I can't imagine being without him.
When we're apart, though, I equally want to talk to him but then get annoyed at little things that he does, and worry that if I say that I don't want to Skype one night he'll be upset or hurt. Also, if I don't skype him then I really miss him, which puts me in a dilemma.
The things that annoy me about him and are making me feel bad at the moment are that:
a) my parents don't like him, they think he's obnoxious and lazy as he goes to a worse university than me and hates his course so doesn't do much work, and also misses a lot of lectures to see me when I'm in England. this puts me in a bad position because they start to turn me against him and think that maybe they're right. his parents know that mine have a problem with him and so i feel that they're sort of looking down on my family in a way.
b) he's a complete mummy's boy and talks about about his mum in front of other people. I make this sound weird, he doesn't say about it the whole time, but he mentions her cooking and how brilliant she is when we're having a conversation with friends and it embarrasses me a bit.
c) he's complaining that he's got no money at the moment but the reason for this is that he spends UNBELIEVABLE amounts of money on me. I ask and beg him not to but he has spent thousands on me in the past few months, my birthday present cost him £400 and i just think that it's all too much and so do my parents. he's been very extravagant with money and now he's irritable and moody recently because he hasn't got much left. i sound so spoilt and i do appreciate what he buys me but i wish he never had bought the stuff to begin with because it makes me feel guilty of taking this money off him and sort of like i'm indebted to him.
d) i also worry what he's going to do in life; he has spoken about being together very far ahead (e.g. married, kids) and is so happy when i say that i want the same, which sometimes i imagine myself doing. but i'm worried that (this is because of my parents' opinions, i know) he's not going to get a good job when he finishes uni and won't work hard, and that i'll be the breadwinner, which i don't want.
e) he also says that he will never find anyone who he loves as much as me, i am the one for him, he will never break up with me and if i broke up with him he is sure that he would never find anyone else. he says that he would have no reason to live if i left him, essentially. this worries me as it makes me feel a bit trapped, like if i ever did really want to get out of the relationship i couldnt.
Basically, i just want someone to help me make sense of what I'm feeling here; are all these problems just bugging me because I'm away? when I see him it all pales into insignificance and I'm so happy, he makes me happier than I've ever been before but I go through phases of loving him and being annoyed with him. Is this normal? If I'm being a bitch with all of this please let me know.
I've been with my boyfriend for 8 months and have been long distance for approximately 6 of these months (I'm abroad for University and will be back for good in July, we were only together for 2 weeks before I left). i've found that I go through phases when I'm away where I start to get annoyed with skyping him for so long every day (we usually skype for at least an hour and a half, sometimes 3 or 4 hours) and the things he says start to annoy me. When I'm at home or he visits I'm usually fine and really love him, we get on unbelievably well and have so much to talk about that we never stop, he's my best friend and I can't imagine being without him.
When we're apart, though, I equally want to talk to him but then get annoyed at little things that he does, and worry that if I say that I don't want to Skype one night he'll be upset or hurt. Also, if I don't skype him then I really miss him, which puts me in a dilemma.
The things that annoy me about him and are making me feel bad at the moment are that:
a) my parents don't like him, they think he's obnoxious and lazy as he goes to a worse university than me and hates his course so doesn't do much work, and also misses a lot of lectures to see me when I'm in England. this puts me in a bad position because they start to turn me against him and think that maybe they're right. his parents know that mine have a problem with him and so i feel that they're sort of looking down on my family in a way.
b) he's a complete mummy's boy and talks about about his mum in front of other people. I make this sound weird, he doesn't say about it the whole time, but he mentions her cooking and how brilliant she is when we're having a conversation with friends and it embarrasses me a bit.
c) he's complaining that he's got no money at the moment but the reason for this is that he spends UNBELIEVABLE amounts of money on me. I ask and beg him not to but he has spent thousands on me in the past few months, my birthday present cost him £400 and i just think that it's all too much and so do my parents. he's been very extravagant with money and now he's irritable and moody recently because he hasn't got much left. i sound so spoilt and i do appreciate what he buys me but i wish he never had bought the stuff to begin with because it makes me feel guilty of taking this money off him and sort of like i'm indebted to him.
d) i also worry what he's going to do in life; he has spoken about being together very far ahead (e.g. married, kids) and is so happy when i say that i want the same, which sometimes i imagine myself doing. but i'm worried that (this is because of my parents' opinions, i know) he's not going to get a good job when he finishes uni and won't work hard, and that i'll be the breadwinner, which i don't want.
e) he also says that he will never find anyone who he loves as much as me, i am the one for him, he will never break up with me and if i broke up with him he is sure that he would never find anyone else. he says that he would have no reason to live if i left him, essentially. this worries me as it makes me feel a bit trapped, like if i ever did really want to get out of the relationship i couldnt.
Basically, i just want someone to help me make sense of what I'm feeling here; are all these problems just bugging me because I'm away? when I see him it all pales into insignificance and I'm so happy, he makes me happier than I've ever been before but I go through phases of loving him and being annoyed with him. Is this normal? If I'm being a bitch with all of this please let me know.
Original post by Anonymous
I'm having the exact same feelings now with my LDR. I seem to forget how I feel about him, and when I'm not with him I think I'd rather be with someone closer, but then don't think this when I'm with him again. It's upsetting.
I am in literally the same position as both of you, it goes in phases for me of loving and missing him and then feeling nothing, enjoying talking to him but the little things that annoy me about him are worked up in my head... when i see him it's amazing again, so weird.
Original post by Anonymous
I'm having the exact same feelings now with my LDR. I seem to forget how I feel about him, and when I'm not with him I think I'd rather be with someone closer, but then don't think this when I'm with him again. It's upsetting.
Yeah sucks doesn't it :/ I guess we just have to hold onto the times we do have together. I saw him again recently and we had such a great time and so I'm just gonna think about that every time I have any doubts! haha
Broke up with my girlfriend today, hard to do but I know it was for the best.
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