uni NOT going well lol

heya. i've been at uni for about a week and a half. and i really wanna go home lol.

the living situation is kinda hard for me right now. i'm very introverted and i have anxiety. my flatmates all seem nice, but i just feel like the odd one out because i dont drink (not a big deal i know lol but i can only be called boring because i dont by some of them so many times before it starts to get a bit annoying) and just going into the kitchen/toilet or leaving my room in general just fills me with dread and anxiety. we have 1 small oven between the 10 of us so i've been way too scared to use it because what if someone else wants to use it? and also more time in the kitchen is terrifying to me! and i'm worrying about so many other silly little details like bins and stuff.

i haven't made any friends. even though i'm terrified, i have been talking with people (e.g flatmates, neighbors etc). only had one class so far but spoke to some people in there, and that was great! but nothing more has come of it. that's been the case with most people i've managed to introduce myself to. and i am definitely not one for clubbing, so making friends through that is out of the question for me. there were some day time events, i went to 1 but everyone was in huge groups. i was too nervous to go to the others. there's a society fair soon, and i desperately want to go but i feel so silly just...going on my own.

i've been crying a lot, and spending lots of days just on my bed staring at the ceiling. i just want to drop out and go home tbh. i'm so lonely and anxious and fnjvhjdfgf. but the thing is, i really do want this degree. it seems really good. but i don't know how i'm going to survive this first year without losing my mind haha. anyway thank you for reading my ramble or whatever.

Reply 1

CatInTheCorner

19

I'm sorry things are difficult. Can you reach out to the uni mental health team to help? it also sounds like maybe it would be helpful to seek out some non-drinkers. Plenty of others won't drink, Muslim students in particular, so try to find some friends there. can you speak to a student advisor about the issues you're having? Maybe signing up to some societies would be a good idea. Don't worry if the anxiety makes it hard to do now, you can always sign up after you've gotten some support for that :smile:

Reply 2

Spelunker

21

I've started uni as well a couple weeks ago and I'm quite shy as well. I get loads of anxiety with a lot of people around me. I will say stick it out a little while longer! I found that just putting yourself out there fully really helps. I just pretend that I'm confident and because no one knows me they don't know I'm not. It has had some awkward situations like today I was aired by someone I said hello to but it can be a start to get to know someone. I feel like people really didn't tell us how lonely uni is even if you have people tbh. Like I'm friends with one of my flatmate/course mates now but I still go to lectures alone sometimes and I'm basically alone every night cuz I don't go clubbing. So I think its normal to feel lonely for now. Even though its hard I found staying in the kitchen to cook and eat helps bring you closer to people cuz if your cooking you have an excuse to be there and it shows other people it's OK to come in and chat as well!

Reply 3

shnliine

3

aaa i get you sm i have anxiety as well and honestly the only reason i was able to make friends was alcohol lol, really takes away any social stress for me personally but yeah i also get not wanting to drink. Pretending to be confident really helps too it sounds obvious but yeah it's scary but just gaslight yourself into being somewhat confident !! If you find yourself alone in your room feeling *****y or crying maybe try calling some friends or family to get your mind off things and to feel less lonely. im so sorry your feeling like this i really am and i hope things get better for you : ((

(edited 1 year ago)

Reply 4

University of Portsmouth Student Rep

Official Rep

16

Original post by Anonymous

heya. i've been at uni for about a week and a half. and i really wanna go home lol.

the living situation is kinda hard for me right now. i'm very introverted and i have anxiety. my flatmates all seem nice, but i just feel like the odd one out because i dont drink (not a big deal i know lol but i can only be called boring because i dont by some of them so many times before it starts to get a bit annoying) and just going into the kitchen/toilet or leaving my room in general just fills me with dread and anxiety. we have 1 small oven between the 10 of us so i've been way too scared to use it because what if someone else wants to use it? and also more time in the kitchen is terrifying to me! and i'm worrying about so many other silly little details like bins and stuff.

i haven't made any friends. even though i'm terrified, i have been talking with people (e.g flatmates, neighbors etc). only had one class so far but spoke to some people in there, and that was great! but nothing more has come of it. that's been the case with most people i've managed to introduce myself to. and i am definitely not one for clubbing, so making friends through that is out of the question for me. there were some day time events, i went to 1 but everyone was in huge groups. i was too nervous to go to the others. there's a society fair soon, and i desperately want to go but i feel so silly just...going on my own.

i've been crying a lot, and spending lots of days just on my bed staring at the ceiling. i just want to drop out and go home tbh. i'm so lonely and anxious and fnjvhjdfgf. but the thing is, i really do want this degree. it seems really good. but i don't know how i'm going to survive this first year without losing my mind haha. anyway thank you for reading my ramble or whatever.

Hey! Welcome to University :smile:

You'll be surprised at the amount of students who feel the same way, I have family members who have just started their first year and are keen to come home already.

Buuuuutttt, it is very important you stick it out. The longing to go home will go away in time, and it'll soon feel strange when you do visit home!

It's great that you find your flatmates nice! I'm sure friendships will grow with time. If you don't drink, that's okay! I know many students that don't, we are actually being called the new generation of sober uni students as we aren't as rowdy as they were in the 90's/2000s. Your flatmates that call you boring probably just don't know how to respond, maybe they haven't been around people who don't drink before. As time goes on i'm sure they'll get over it, it is possible to have fun without influence lol.

As for your living situation, it's okay to feel nervous. That's certainly a big group of people sharing facilities! A great way to help manage anxiety (from personal experience) is to try and think about things logically, as i'm sure we both know that anxiety likes to stop you from doing that to make you worry/stress more lol. You have to remember, all 10 of you need to eat/use the bathroom etc. And i'm sure your flatmates know that, and probably feel awkward too. The best thing to do is just ask if anyone wants to use the oven before cooking, I doubt they will mind. They might even ask if you can chuck something of theirs in the same time. Or even plan times to use it between you all. Just go for it, the more you do it the easier it gets.

As for friends, that's great that you've managed to chat to some course mates. As you have said, it's not been long at all. Everyone is probably feeling a bit awkward and not sure how to keep in touch after a brief convo in the lecture. The best thing I found was to just slip in, oh whats your snap/instagram? Then you can message them before lectures and ask if they want to meet you before going in! You will meet more people as the year goes on. Also, definitely go to society events, they're normally really fun. I didn't go to any during first year and I really regretted not doing so as it's one of the easiest ways to make friends. I struggle with anxiety and I went to a couple of freshers fairs on my own, I felt awkward but I was glad I went and didn't miss out :wink:

BTW, it is totally normal to cry during your first year. It is a massive change in your life and you're away from home (normally) for the first time ever. You're going to go through a lot of emotions, but I promise you will come out the end of it better than ever. I'm shocked how much more outgoing I am going in to 2nd year, I never was before lol.

Things will improve, and before you know it you'll be busier than ever. The best thing I did was essentially fake it til you make it, it sucks at first but ask yourself, will you regret not doing something in 5 years time? That's what helped me a lot.

I hope you enjoy your time at uni,

Lauren -Official Student Rep :biggrin: