To women about porn

To any women out there,
Just discovered my bf watches porn. I'm feeling hurt, angry and betrayed but at the same time, I'm glad he told me. If you're in a relationship with a man, has your partner told you or did you have to find out some way? How did it make you feel? And do you have any advice on dealing with it?

It’s great he told you it means he wants to reform. It’s a dopamine thing get him to find better things to do, I think a lot of guys deal with it nowadays. If not porn but the sexualisation of women in general, on social media (I’m scrolling through yt and I see a woman casually in quite revealing clothes) this is much different to porn but if he’s willing to be ashamed of what he has done and willing to admit I think he wants help.

To help him I would explain to him that yeah sure watching women in that manner is easily a dopamine rush but to be honest I think a relationship with fulfilling behaviour as opposed to shallow behaviour is much more logical and better and healthier. Perhaps tell him how you feel about it, and that lust is pretty pointless.

Hope this helps :smile:

:smile:

Original post by Anonymous

To any women out there,
Just discovered my bf watches porn. I'm feeling hurt, angry and betrayed but at the same time, I'm glad he told me. If you're in a relationship with a man, has your partner told you or did you have to find out some way? How did it make you feel? And do you have any advice on dealing with it?

Let him watch porn it is not crime of the century, I'm a girl and I watch porn

Original post by Anonymous

To any women out there,
Just discovered my bf watches porn. I'm feeling hurt, angry and betrayed but at the same time, I'm glad he told me. If you're in a relationship with a man, has your partner told you or did you have to find out some way? How did it make you feel? And do you have any advice on dealing with it?

Why do you think you have to "deal with it"?

Are you trying to control your bf's life? Do you think being a gf means you should have authority over whether a guy watches porn or not?
What other aspects of his life do you think you are entitled to "deal with"? The celebs he likes and idolises? His appreciation of how other women dress perhaps? Whether or not he masturbates?

To be honest this all seems like insecurity on your part. In relationships you should be seeking to understand and share the things your partner likes to do. Have you thought about watching porn with him?

OP

Original post by PilgrimOfTruth

Why do you think you have to "deal with it"?

Are you trying to control your bf's life? Do you think being a gf means you should have authority over whether a guy watches porn or not?
What other aspects of his life do you think you are entitled to "deal with"? The celebs he likes and idolises? His appreciation of how other women dress perhaps? Whether or not he masturbates?

To be honest this all seems like insecurity on your part. In relationships you should be seeking to understand and share the things your partner likes to do. Have you thought about watching porn with him?

Sorry, by 'deal with it', I meant not feeling hurt or insecure for not being what he expects, not controlling his life

There is no reason why you should feel angry, hurt or betrayed. It's not like he cheated on you and he is allowed to watch whatever he wants and there's nothing wrong with that. The thing is that guys are more sexually active compared to women, so they need to release tension more frequently. Porn is one of the ways to do that. He is not cheating on you, so there's no reason for you to be upset and the person above makes a good point that it is more to do with your insecurity and the fact that you think he likes other girls or whatever. That's something that you should sort out. Definitely do not challenge his behaviour because this would be controlling behaviour on your part and that's not good for anyone. If you really don't like the fact that he's watching porn then you can leave the relationship. As other people already said, there's nothing wrong with it, but of course if your preference is that he doesn't watch porn then you are also allowed to leave the relationship and find a boyfriend who doesn't watch porn.

Always trust your gut instinct and listen to what your common sense is telling you. :smile:

:smile:

If 'no hardcore pornography fans' is your dealbreaker, stick to it.
Same as you would if your dealbreakers ruled out any date who subscribes to a sexually explicit onlyfans account or spending most of his spare time around drug dealing criminals & high friends.

My last relationship ended 8 years ago when I discovered that I was living with a guy that had a sordid secret enthusiasm for violent threesomes, sex workers, reenancting highly risky bdsm porn content and hiding his collection of stds from me.
The sex workers told me what was going on because they knew he wouldn't and were worried about my health.
I'm still too revolted to even consider entering the same room as him.

Some guys enjoy watching legal hardcore porn.
While others won't waste their time or money on it.
If it's legal porn that gives you a negative vibe or you have a strong sense that addiction is involved, listen to what your feelings are telling you.
If there is any illegal porn involved- RUN for the hills and change all your contact info.
Good luck!

Many people watch porn. Men and women alike. If your partner does, what you need to remember is that most people watch porn to serve a specific function. And that function is faster release. Porn is a visual stimulus; people get off faster watching it that just using their own imaginations. Usually the person watching porn has no interest in the people actually in it - it is all about the actions taking place. It's not something to ever take personally. It doesn't say anything about you, their attraction to you, or whether or not you're enough for the other person. In the majority of cases it's just a means to an end and nothing more.

(edited 1 year ago)

Original post by Anonymous

To any women out there,
Just discovered my bf watches porn. I'm feeling hurt, angry and betrayed but at the same time, I'm glad he told me. If you're in a relationship with a man, has your partner told you or did you have to find out some way? How did it make you feel? And do you have any advice on dealing with it?

hey girl I’m pretty much in the same boat as you right now. But instead I had to go through his phone and found out he’s been looking at other girls on Twitter and Reddit, and never told me. I feel hurt, disgusted, and depressed honestly. Do not listen to the men in these comments, all men think the same and I think it’s sad asf. It’s okay to feel hurt about it. It all depends on the relationship and if you’re okay with it after talking about it. Me personally, I don’t know what I will do. Most people are saying it’s not a deal breaker but if you expressed to him before that you’re not okay with it and he lies about it (like mine did), then leave the relationship if you feel like it’s wrong. I do feel like insecurity plays a big part and stuff but sometimes it’s not just because you’re insecure. It’s because boundaries are being broken and you feel disrespected. I wish you the best luck…

Original post by Pink.wagon

hey girl I’m pretty much in the same boat as you right now. But instead I had to go through his phone and found out he’s been looking at other girls on Twitter and Reddit, and never told me. I feel hurt, disgusted, and depressed honestly. Do not listen to the men in these comments, all men think the same and I think it’s sad asf. It’s okay to feel hurt about it. It all depends on the relationship and if you’re okay with it after talking about it. Me personally, I don’t know what I will do. Most people are saying it’s not a deal breaker but if you expressed to him before that you’re not okay with it and he lies about it (like mine did), then leave the relationship if you feel like it’s wrong. I do feel like insecurity plays a big part and stuff but sometimes it’s not just because you’re insecure. It’s because boundaries are being broken and you feel disrespected. I wish you the best luck…

Completely agree with this comment, don't listen to anyone else. If it hurts you and its a deal breaker to you then that's your choice.

Original post by Anonymous

To any women out there,
Just discovered my bf watches porn. I'm feeling hurt, angry and betrayed but at the same time, I'm glad he told me. If you're in a relationship with a man, has your partner told you or did you have to find out some way? How did it make you feel? And do you have any advice on dealing with it?

Not sure if this is still relevant since the post is from 2 months ago but it might just be different points of view but I don't mind if my boyfriend watches porn, I sometimes do too, mainly just when we're in different countries and I need something or if he's not feeling it in the moment because my libido is much higher than his, I don't think my boyfriend minds either because he doesn't want me to feel guilty about my higher drives and wants to pleasure me. I do like it though when we watch it together, and maybe that's an option to consider? It might also be worth considering why he watches it because if its to relieve himself it might be because he doesn't have another way to get around it?

Talk to him about how it makes you feel, and try to understand why he does it and then work through solutions - it could be either watching it together, or finding alternatives, or drawing lines on what kind of material would you be okay with. If it's a deal breaker to you then it is something to mention to him because its a serious insecurity which is something he should respect and its making sure he follows through.

(edited 1 year ago)

OP

Original post by Pink.wagon

hey girl I’m pretty much in the same boat as you right now. But instead I had to go through his phone and found out he’s been looking at other girls on Twitter and Reddit, and never told me. I feel hurt, disgusted, and depressed honestly. Do not listen to the men in these comments, all men think the same and I think it’s sad asf. It’s okay to feel hurt about it. It all depends on the relationship and if you’re okay with it after talking about it. Me personally, I don’t know what I will do. Most people are saying it’s not a deal breaker but if you expressed to him before that you’re not okay with it and he lies about it (like mine did), then leave the relationship if you feel like it’s wrong. I do feel like insecurity plays a big part and stuff but sometimes it’s not just because you’re insecure. It’s because boundaries are being broken and you feel disrespected. I wish you the best luck…

It's been a while but thanks for this. It's nice to know that I'm not the only one feeling this way. I wish you the best luck too :-)

Quick Reply

Latest

Trending

Trending