GCSE edexcel history essay, plase can someone mark it
‘The role of the Church was the main reason why there was little change in care and treatment in the years c1250–c1500.’ 16 marks
You may use the following in your answer:
• medical training
• herbal remedies
You must also use information of your own.
I agree with this statement to an extent as the church played a great role in medical schools, controlling what was taught to future medics, these physicians went on to spread ideas that the church approved thus hindering care and treatement as they discouraged from challenging the incorrect traditional ideas of Galen and progressing medical care/ treatment. Also the church played a role in hospitals, making their main aim to provide hospitality rather than actual treatments to the sick. Although the church played a vital role in hindering the progression of care and treatment other factors also played a role like the making of herbal treatment which had little effect on helping the ill yet were still popular amongst poorer people.
One reason why the role of the church was the main reason why there was little change in care and treatement in the middle gaes is because of their role in medical training. Physicians studied at university for 7 years, much of the education were based on books by Galen and Hippocrated. The universities these physicians attended were mainly ran by the church, therefore the content that medical students learned were controlled by the church, the church promoted Galen & Hippocrates beliefs,in particulr they favoured Galen as his belief that the body had a soul and body parts were by God for specific functions matched their beliefs. Also most of the books were written in monasteries by monks and clergys as they could read and write, this meant that the Church could control medical ideas in books thus controlling what medics learned via books, this led to to little change in car and treatment as most doctors were educated on what the church wanted them to learn and they were taught to prove Galen's ideas rathet than challenge them.
Another reason why the church was the main reason there was little change in care and treatement was because of their role in hospitals. Most hospitals were ran by monks and nuns, with the first hospital st barthomeules being set in 1123, since most of the hospitals were ran by the church their 'care' for the ill mainly consisted of prayers as they believed that God could cure their illness given that he was the one who caused it in the 1st place. The church ran hospitals also mainly provided hospitality rather than actual medical treatments, they usually rejected infectious patients and mainly took in the poor, elderly and travellers, providing them with food, water and clean bedding as they belived this is what Jesus would have wanted them to do. This hindered progression in care and treatement as they relied more on God and hospitality rather than medical treatments.
The making of herbal remedies by wise women and apothercaries also hindered the progression of care and treatment in the middle ages. Often times when people became ill they relied on apothercaries to make them herbal remedies as a cure for their illness, apothercaires had no formal training and made treatments based off of their limited knowledge gained by their family, apothercaries costed money however they were cheaper than physicians making them a more affordable opition for care, also many physician directed their patients to be cared for by apothercaries. Although most herbal remedies brought no positive affect on the care for the sick some herbal remediesdid progress care, for example honey had anti-microbial properties aiding the sick and ill, also aloe-vera worked well for soothing people's irritated skin.
(excuse the bad grammar pls!)
You may use the following in your answer:
• medical training
• herbal remedies
You must also use information of your own.
I agree with this statement to an extent as the church played a great role in medical schools, controlling what was taught to future medics, these physicians went on to spread ideas that the church approved thus hindering care and treatement as they discouraged from challenging the incorrect traditional ideas of Galen and progressing medical care/ treatment. Also the church played a role in hospitals, making their main aim to provide hospitality rather than actual treatments to the sick. Although the church played a vital role in hindering the progression of care and treatment other factors also played a role like the making of herbal treatment which had little effect on helping the ill yet were still popular amongst poorer people.
One reason why the role of the church was the main reason why there was little change in care and treatement in the middle gaes is because of their role in medical training. Physicians studied at university for 7 years, much of the education were based on books by Galen and Hippocrated. The universities these physicians attended were mainly ran by the church, therefore the content that medical students learned were controlled by the church, the church promoted Galen & Hippocrates beliefs,in particulr they favoured Galen as his belief that the body had a soul and body parts were by God for specific functions matched their beliefs. Also most of the books were written in monasteries by monks and clergys as they could read and write, this meant that the Church could control medical ideas in books thus controlling what medics learned via books, this led to to little change in car and treatment as most doctors were educated on what the church wanted them to learn and they were taught to prove Galen's ideas rathet than challenge them.
Another reason why the church was the main reason there was little change in care and treatement was because of their role in hospitals. Most hospitals were ran by monks and nuns, with the first hospital st barthomeules being set in 1123, since most of the hospitals were ran by the church their 'care' for the ill mainly consisted of prayers as they believed that God could cure their illness given that he was the one who caused it in the 1st place. The church ran hospitals also mainly provided hospitality rather than actual medical treatments, they usually rejected infectious patients and mainly took in the poor, elderly and travellers, providing them with food, water and clean bedding as they belived this is what Jesus would have wanted them to do. This hindered progression in care and treatement as they relied more on God and hospitality rather than medical treatments.
The making of herbal remedies by wise women and apothercaries also hindered the progression of care and treatment in the middle ages. Often times when people became ill they relied on apothercaries to make them herbal remedies as a cure for their illness, apothercaires had no formal training and made treatments based off of their limited knowledge gained by their family, apothercaries costed money however they were cheaper than physicians making them a more affordable opition for care, also many physician directed their patients to be cared for by apothercaries. Although most herbal remedies brought no positive affect on the care for the sick some herbal remediesdid progress care, for example honey had anti-microbial properties aiding the sick and ill, also aloe-vera worked well for soothing people's irritated skin.
(excuse the bad grammar pls!)
(edited 1 year ago)
Original post by 234532dsd32
‘The role of the Church was the main reason why there was little change in care and treatment in the years c1250–c1500.’ 16 marks
You may use the following in your answer:
• medical training
• herbal remedies
You must also use information of your own.
I agree with this statement to an extent as the church played a great role in medical schools, controlling what was taught to future medics, these physicians went on to spread ideas that the church approved thus hindering care and treatement as they discouraged from challenging the incorrect traditional ideas of Galen and progressing medical care/ treatment. Also the church played a role in hospitals, making their main aim to provide hospitality rather than actual treatments to the sick. Although the church played a vital role in hindering the progression of care and treatment other factors also played a role like the making of herbal treatment which had little effect on helping the ill yet were still popular amongst poorer people.
One reason why the role of the church was the main reason why there was little change in care and treatement in the middle gaes is because of their role in medical training. Physicians studied at university for 7 years, much of the education were based on books by Galen and Hippocrated. The universities these physicians attended were mainly ran by the church, therefore the content that medical students learned were controlled by the church, the church promoted Galen & Hippocrates beliefs,in particulr they favoured Galen as his belief that the body had a soul and body parts were by God for specific functions matched their beliefs. Also most of the books were written in monasteries by monks and clergys as they could read and write, this meant that the Church could control medical ideas in books thus controlling what medics learned via books, this led to to little change in car and treatment as most doctors were educated on what the church wanted them to learn and they were taught to prove Galen's ideas rathet than challenge them.
Another reason why the church was the main reason there was little change in care and treatement was because of their role in hospitals. Most hospitals were ran by monks and nuns, with the first hospital st barthomeules being set in 1123, since most of the hospitals were ran by the church their 'care' for the ill mainly consisted of prayers as they believed that God could cure their illness given that he was the one who caused it in the 1st place. The church ran hospitals also mainly provided hospitality rather than actual medical treatments, they usually rejected infectious patients and mainly took in the poor, elderly and travellers, providing them with food, water and clean bedding as they belived this is what Jesus would have wanted them to do. This hindered progression in care and treatement as they relied more on God and hospitality rather than medical treatments.
The making of herbal remedies by wise women and apothercaries also hindered the progression of care and treatment in the middle ages. Often times when people became ill they relied on apothercaries to make them herbal remedies as a cure for their illness, apothercaires had no formal training and made treatments based off of their limited knowledge gained by their family, apothercaries costed money however they were cheaper than physicians making them a more affordable opition for care, also many physician directed their patients to be cared for by apothercaries. Although most herbal remedies brought no positive affect on the care for the sick some herbal remediesdid progress care, for example honey had anti-microbial properties aiding the sick and ill, also aloe-vera worked well for soothing people's irritated skin.
(excuse the bad grammar pls!)
You may use the following in your answer:
• medical training
• herbal remedies
You must also use information of your own.
I agree with this statement to an extent as the church played a great role in medical schools, controlling what was taught to future medics, these physicians went on to spread ideas that the church approved thus hindering care and treatement as they discouraged from challenging the incorrect traditional ideas of Galen and progressing medical care/ treatment. Also the church played a role in hospitals, making their main aim to provide hospitality rather than actual treatments to the sick. Although the church played a vital role in hindering the progression of care and treatment other factors also played a role like the making of herbal treatment which had little effect on helping the ill yet were still popular amongst poorer people.
One reason why the role of the church was the main reason why there was little change in care and treatement in the middle gaes is because of their role in medical training. Physicians studied at university for 7 years, much of the education were based on books by Galen and Hippocrated. The universities these physicians attended were mainly ran by the church, therefore the content that medical students learned were controlled by the church, the church promoted Galen & Hippocrates beliefs,in particulr they favoured Galen as his belief that the body had a soul and body parts were by God for specific functions matched their beliefs. Also most of the books were written in monasteries by monks and clergys as they could read and write, this meant that the Church could control medical ideas in books thus controlling what medics learned via books, this led to to little change in car and treatment as most doctors were educated on what the church wanted them to learn and they were taught to prove Galen's ideas rathet than challenge them.
Another reason why the church was the main reason there was little change in care and treatement was because of their role in hospitals. Most hospitals were ran by monks and nuns, with the first hospital st barthomeules being set in 1123, since most of the hospitals were ran by the church their 'care' for the ill mainly consisted of prayers as they believed that God could cure their illness given that he was the one who caused it in the 1st place. The church ran hospitals also mainly provided hospitality rather than actual medical treatments, they usually rejected infectious patients and mainly took in the poor, elderly and travellers, providing them with food, water and clean bedding as they belived this is what Jesus would have wanted them to do. This hindered progression in care and treatement as they relied more on God and hospitality rather than medical treatments.
The making of herbal remedies by wise women and apothercaries also hindered the progression of care and treatment in the middle ages. Often times when people became ill they relied on apothercaries to make them herbal remedies as a cure for their illness, apothercaires had no formal training and made treatments based off of their limited knowledge gained by their family, apothercaries costed money however they were cheaper than physicians making them a more affordable opition for care, also many physician directed their patients to be cared for by apothercaries. Although most herbal remedies brought no positive affect on the care for the sick some herbal remediesdid progress care, for example honey had anti-microbial properties aiding the sick and ill, also aloe-vera worked well for soothing people's irritated skin.
(excuse the bad grammar pls!)
hey, so i did edexcel history, so hopfully i can help
"I agree with this statement to an extent as the church played a great role in medical schools, controlling what was taught to future medics, these physicians went on to spread ideas that the church approved thus hindering care and treatement as they discouraged from challenging the incorrect traditional ideas of Galen and progressing medical care/ treatment. Also the church played a role in hospitals, making their main aim to provide hospitality rather than actual treatments to the sick. Although the church played a vital role in hindering the progression of care and treatment other factors also played a role like the making of herbal treatment which had little effect on helping the ill yet were still popular amongst poorer people."
this is a good start to the essay, i would suggest adding a few more commas as the sentences are a bit long. i personally would start the essay with saying "the church did / did not do xyz" rather than "i agree / disagree", as i would leave any sort of personal opinions of agreeing or disagreeing until the conclusion, and i would just say like "xyz happened, which supports the idea of the church doing whatever". but otherwise, this is a nice introduction, you've summarised a couple of points which you can go into further detail later, you've shown from the beginning that you understand the course content, yh, its good.
"One reason why the role of the church was the main reason why there was little change in care and treatement in the middle gaes is because of their role in medical training. Physicians studied at university for 7 years, much of the education were based on books by Galen and Hippocrated. The universities these physicians attended were mainly ran by the church, therefore the content that medical students learned were controlled by the church, the church promoted Galen & Hippocrates beliefs,in particulr they favoured Galen as his belief that the body had a soul and body parts were by God for specific functions matched their beliefs. Also most of the books were written in monasteries by monks and clergys as they could read and write, this meant that the Church could control medical ideas in books thus controlling what medics learned via books, this led to to little change in car and treatment as most doctors were educated on what the church wanted them to learn and they were taught to prove Galen's ideas rathet than challenge them."
note: typo of middle ages - in the middle gaes & rather than - ideas rathet than, misspelling of a few words - in particulr (particular) & care and treatement (treatment)
this paragraph is good, i would say just be slightly more aware of typos and spellig mmistakes, ik theyre easy to make in the moment, especially in an exam when you're pressed for time and that, because its silly mistakes like typos and spelling errors where you can lose marks that you wouldve otherwise so easily had. also id suggest altering the sentences slightly so that you make use more of connective words such as "and", for example you said "...were controlled by the church, the church promoted Galen & Hippocrates..." here i would say something like "the content that medical students learned were controlled by the church, who promoted...", as then youre not repeating "the church". and also (again) some sentences are a bit long and could make use of some commas.
"Another reason why the church was the main reason there was little change in care and treatement was because of their role in hospitals. Most hospitals were ran by monks and nuns, with the first hospital st barthomeules being set in 1123, since most of the hospitals were ran by the church their 'care' for the ill mainly consisted of prayers as they believed that God could cure their illness given that he was the one who caused it in the 1st place. The church ran hospitals also mainly provided hospitality rather than actual medical treatments, they usually rejected infectious patients and mainly took in the poor, elderly and travellers, providing them with food, water and clean bedding as they belived this is what Jesus would have wanted them to do. This hindered progression in care and treatement as they relied more on God and hospitality rather than medical treatments."
again, make sure youre being careful with spelling mistakes such as "treatement" (treatment), and make sure youre capitalising st barthomeules (St Barthomeules). in the start of the second sentence i would say most hospitals were "run" by, rather than "ran" by. i would recommend making this paragraph a bit longer, as your paragraphs are on the shorter side, especially this paragraph, so if you could write some more information in each paragraph then you'd probably get higher marks.
"The making of herbal remedies by wise women and apothercaries also hindered the progression of care and treatment in the middle ages. Often times when people became ill they relied on apothercaries to make them herbal remedies as a cure for their illness, apothercaires had no formal training and made treatments based off of their limited knowledge gained by their family, apothercaries costed money however they were cheaper than physicians making them a more affordable opition for care, also many physician directed their patients to be cared for by apothercaries. Although most herbal remedies brought no positive affect on the care for the sick some herbal remediesdid progress care, for example honey had anti-microbial properties aiding the sick and ill, also aloe-vera worked well for soothing people's irritated skin."
again, i would just say be careful of spelling mistakes and typos, and just make the paragraph longer, with more information. i would also add a conclusion at the end of the essay, as this will allow you to just sort of sum up everything and give it a really nice ending, as in an exam if there is no conclusion, some examiners may think that didnt write a conclusion as you ran out of time, so may mark you down slightly for not doing a conclusion. but, yh, this is a decent essay, i would guess mid level marks. below i copied and pasted your essay, but with a few additions from the comments i made, just so that you can really see what i mean when i say each comment.
The church played a great role in medical schools between 1250 and 1500, and controlled what was taught to trainee medics, who went on to spread ideas the church approved of. This hindered the care and treatment they provided, as they were discouraged from challenging the incorrect, traditional ideas of Galen and progressing medical care and treatment. The church also played a huge role in hospitals, making their main aim to provide hospitality, rather than actual treatments to the sick. However, factors other than the church also played a role in healthcare, for example, the making of herbal treatment, which had little effect on helping the ill, yet were still popular amongst poorer people.
One reason as to why the role of the church was the main cause for little change in care and treatment in the middle ages is due to their role in medical training. Physicians studied at university for 7 years, and much of their education was based on books by Galen and Hippocrates, whose ideas the church promoted. Medical universities between 1250 and 1500 were mainly ran by the church, so allowed the church to have a heavy influence on the course materials and content. This is seen through Galen and Hippocrates, as the church promoted their ideas, and in particular, favoured Galen's belief that the body has a soul, and parts of the body were created by God to have specific functions. Most of the books studied during medical training were also written in monasteries by monks and clergys, who were some of the limited amount of people who could read and write. This allowed the Church to have control over medical ideas in these books, thus controlling what medics learned. This led to to little change in care and treatment as most doctors were educated on what the church wanted them to learn, and were taught to support Galen's ideas rather than challenge them.
Another factor that led the church to be the main cause of little change in healthcare was the church's role in hospitals. Most hospitals were run by monks and nuns, with the first hospital, St Bartholomeus, being set in 1123. Since most hospitals were ran by the church, their 'care' for the ill mainly consisted of prayers, as they believed that God would cure their illness, given that he was the one who caused them in the 1st place. The church-ran hospitals also mainly provided hospitality rather than actual medical treatments, and usually rejected infectious patients, preferring to take in the poor, elderly and travellers, as providing them with food, water and clean bedding as they believed this is what Jesus would have wanted them to do. This hindered progression in care and treatment as this forced society to rely more on God and hospitality rather than medical treatments.
However, the role of pothecaries suggests the church is not the main reason for little change in care and treatment. The making of herbal remedies by wise women and apothecaries also hindered the progression of care and treatment in the middle ages. People often relied on apothecaries when they became ill, as the apothecaries would make them herbal remedies as a cure for their illnesses. Apothecaries had no formal training and made treatments based off of their limited knowledge gained by their families. They also cost a lot of money, though were cheaper than physicians, making them a more affordable option for care. Many physicians also directed their patients to be cared for by apothecaries, which allowed the popularity of apothecaries to grow, and increased their wealth. Although most herbal remedies brought no positive impact on the care for the sick, some herbal remedies did progress care, for example honey had anti-microbial properties to the sick, and aloe-vera worked well for soothing irritated skin.
In conclusion, I agree / disagree with the statement because [sum up your whole essay here].
Original post by user_5678
hey, so i did edexcel history, so hopfully i can help
"I agree with this statement to an extent as the church played a great role in medical schools, controlling what was taught to future medics, these physicians went on to spread ideas that the church approved thus hindering care and treatement as they discouraged from challenging the incorrect traditional ideas of Galen and progressing medical care/ treatment. Also the church played a role in hospitals, making their main aim to provide hospitality rather than actual treatments to the sick. Although the church played a vital role in hindering the progression of care and treatment other factors also played a role like the making of herbal treatment which had little effect on helping the ill yet were still popular amongst poorer people."
this is a good start to the essay, i would suggest adding a few more commas as the sentences are a bit long. i personally would start the essay with saying "the church did / did not do xyz" rather than "i agree / disagree", as i would leave any sort of personal opinions of agreeing or disagreeing until the conclusion, and i would just say like "xyz happened, which supports the idea of the church doing whatever". but otherwise, this is a nice introduction, you've summarised a couple of points which you can go into further detail later, you've shown from the beginning that you understand the course content, yh, its good.
"One reason why the role of the church was the main reason why there was little change in care and treatement in the middle gaes is because of their role in medical training. Physicians studied at university for 7 years, much of the education were based on books by Galen and Hippocrated. The universities these physicians attended were mainly ran by the church, therefore the content that medical students learned were controlled by the church, the church promoted Galen & Hippocrates beliefs,in particulr they favoured Galen as his belief that the body had a soul and body parts were by God for specific functions matched their beliefs. Also most of the books were written in monasteries by monks and clergys as they could read and write, this meant that the Church could control medical ideas in books thus controlling what medics learned via books, this led to to little change in car and treatment as most doctors were educated on what the church wanted them to learn and they were taught to prove Galen's ideas rathet than challenge them."
note: typo of middle ages - in the middle gaes & rather than - ideas rathet than, misspelling of a few words - in particulr (particular) & care and treatement (treatment)
this paragraph is good, i would say just be slightly more aware of typos and spellig mmistakes, ik theyre easy to make in the moment, especially in an exam when you're pressed for time and that, because its silly mistakes like typos and spelling errors where you can lose marks that you wouldve otherwise so easily had. also id suggest altering the sentences slightly so that you make use more of connective words such as "and", for example you said "...were controlled by the church, the church promoted Galen & Hippocrates..." here i would say something like "the content that medical students learned were controlled by the church, who promoted...", as then youre not repeating "the church". and also (again) some sentences are a bit long and could make use of some commas.
"Another reason why the church was the main reason there was little change in care and treatement was because of their role in hospitals. Most hospitals were ran by monks and nuns, with the first hospital st barthomeules being set in 1123, since most of the hospitals were ran by the church their 'care' for the ill mainly consisted of prayers as they believed that God could cure their illness given that he was the one who caused it in the 1st place. The church ran hospitals also mainly provided hospitality rather than actual medical treatments, they usually rejected infectious patients and mainly took in the poor, elderly and travellers, providing them with food, water and clean bedding as they belived this is what Jesus would have wanted them to do. This hindered progression in care and treatement as they relied more on God and hospitality rather than medical treatments."
again, make sure youre being careful with spelling mistakes such as "treatement" (treatment), and make sure youre capitalising st barthomeules (St Barthomeules). in the start of the second sentence i would say most hospitals were "run" by, rather than "ran" by. i would recommend making this paragraph a bit longer, as your paragraphs are on the shorter side, especially this paragraph, so if you could write some more information in each paragraph then you'd probably get higher marks.
"The making of herbal remedies by wise women and apothercaries also hindered the progression of care and treatment in the middle ages. Often times when people became ill they relied on apothercaries to make them herbal remedies as a cure for their illness, apothercaires had no formal training and made treatments based off of their limited knowledge gained by their family, apothercaries costed money however they were cheaper than physicians making them a more affordable opition for care, also many physician directed their patients to be cared for by apothercaries. Although most herbal remedies brought no positive affect on the care for the sick some herbal remediesdid progress care, for example honey had anti-microbial properties aiding the sick and ill, also aloe-vera worked well for soothing people's irritated skin."
again, i would just say be careful of spelling mistakes and typos, and just make the paragraph longer, with more information. i would also add a conclusion at the end of the essay, as this will allow you to just sort of sum up everything and give it a really nice ending, as in an exam if there is no conclusion, some examiners may think that didnt write a conclusion as you ran out of time, so may mark you down slightly for not doing a conclusion. but, yh, this is a decent essay, i would guess mid level marks. below i copied and pasted your essay, but with a few additions from the comments i made, just so that you can really see what i mean when i say each comment.
The church played a great role in medical schools between 1250 and 1500, and controlled what was taught to trainee medics, who went on to spread ideas the church approved of. This hindered the care and treatment they provided, as they were discouraged from challenging the incorrect, traditional ideas of Galen and progressing medical care and treatment. The church also played a huge role in hospitals, making their main aim to provide hospitality, rather than actual treatments to the sick. However, factors other than the church also played a role in healthcare, for example, the making of herbal treatment, which had little effect on helping the ill, yet were still popular amongst poorer people.
One reason as to why the role of the church was the main cause for little change in care and treatment in the middle ages is due to their role in medical training. Physicians studied at university for 7 years, and much of their education was based on books by Galen and Hippocrates, whose ideas the church promoted. Medical universities between 1250 and 1500 were mainly ran by the church, so allowed the church to have a heavy influence on the course materials and content. This is seen through Galen and Hippocrates, as the church promoted their ideas, and in particular, favoured Galen's belief that the body has a soul, and parts of the body were created by God to have specific functions. Most of the books studied during medical training were also written in monasteries by monks and clergys, who were some of the limited amount of people who could read and write. This allowed the Church to have control over medical ideas in these books, thus controlling what medics learned. This led to to little change in care and treatment as most doctors were educated on what the church wanted them to learn, and were taught to support Galen's ideas rather than challenge them.
Another factor that led the church to be the main cause of little change in healthcare was the church's role in hospitals. Most hospitals were run by monks and nuns, with the first hospital, St Bartholomeus, being set in 1123. Since most hospitals were ran by the church, their 'care' for the ill mainly consisted of prayers, as they believed that God would cure their illness, given that he was the one who caused them in the 1st place. The church-ran hospitals also mainly provided hospitality rather than actual medical treatments, and usually rejected infectious patients, preferring to take in the poor, elderly and travellers, as providing them with food, water and clean bedding as they believed this is what Jesus would have wanted them to do. This hindered progression in care and treatment as this forced society to rely more on God and hospitality rather than medical treatments.
However, the role of pothecaries suggests the church is not the main reason for little change in care and treatment. The making of herbal remedies by wise women and apothecaries also hindered the progression of care and treatment in the middle ages. People often relied on apothecaries when they became ill, as the apothecaries would make them herbal remedies as a cure for their illnesses. Apothecaries had no formal training and made treatments based off of their limited knowledge gained by their families. They also cost a lot of money, though were cheaper than physicians, making them a more affordable option for care. Many physicians also directed their patients to be cared for by apothecaries, which allowed the popularity of apothecaries to grow, and increased their wealth. Although most herbal remedies brought no positive impact on the care for the sick, some herbal remedies did progress care, for example honey had anti-microbial properties to the sick, and aloe-vera worked well for soothing irritated skin.
In conclusion, I agree / disagree with the statement because [sum up your whole essay here].
"I agree with this statement to an extent as the church played a great role in medical schools, controlling what was taught to future medics, these physicians went on to spread ideas that the church approved thus hindering care and treatement as they discouraged from challenging the incorrect traditional ideas of Galen and progressing medical care/ treatment. Also the church played a role in hospitals, making their main aim to provide hospitality rather than actual treatments to the sick. Although the church played a vital role in hindering the progression of care and treatment other factors also played a role like the making of herbal treatment which had little effect on helping the ill yet were still popular amongst poorer people."
this is a good start to the essay, i would suggest adding a few more commas as the sentences are a bit long. i personally would start the essay with saying "the church did / did not do xyz" rather than "i agree / disagree", as i would leave any sort of personal opinions of agreeing or disagreeing until the conclusion, and i would just say like "xyz happened, which supports the idea of the church doing whatever". but otherwise, this is a nice introduction, you've summarised a couple of points which you can go into further detail later, you've shown from the beginning that you understand the course content, yh, its good.
"One reason why the role of the church was the main reason why there was little change in care and treatement in the middle gaes is because of their role in medical training. Physicians studied at university for 7 years, much of the education were based on books by Galen and Hippocrated. The universities these physicians attended were mainly ran by the church, therefore the content that medical students learned were controlled by the church, the church promoted Galen & Hippocrates beliefs,in particulr they favoured Galen as his belief that the body had a soul and body parts were by God for specific functions matched their beliefs. Also most of the books were written in monasteries by monks and clergys as they could read and write, this meant that the Church could control medical ideas in books thus controlling what medics learned via books, this led to to little change in car and treatment as most doctors were educated on what the church wanted them to learn and they were taught to prove Galen's ideas rathet than challenge them."
note: typo of middle ages - in the middle gaes & rather than - ideas rathet than, misspelling of a few words - in particulr (particular) & care and treatement (treatment)
this paragraph is good, i would say just be slightly more aware of typos and spellig mmistakes, ik theyre easy to make in the moment, especially in an exam when you're pressed for time and that, because its silly mistakes like typos and spelling errors where you can lose marks that you wouldve otherwise so easily had. also id suggest altering the sentences slightly so that you make use more of connective words such as "and", for example you said "...were controlled by the church, the church promoted Galen & Hippocrates..." here i would say something like "the content that medical students learned were controlled by the church, who promoted...", as then youre not repeating "the church". and also (again) some sentences are a bit long and could make use of some commas.
"Another reason why the church was the main reason there was little change in care and treatement was because of their role in hospitals. Most hospitals were ran by monks and nuns, with the first hospital st barthomeules being set in 1123, since most of the hospitals were ran by the church their 'care' for the ill mainly consisted of prayers as they believed that God could cure their illness given that he was the one who caused it in the 1st place. The church ran hospitals also mainly provided hospitality rather than actual medical treatments, they usually rejected infectious patients and mainly took in the poor, elderly and travellers, providing them with food, water and clean bedding as they belived this is what Jesus would have wanted them to do. This hindered progression in care and treatement as they relied more on God and hospitality rather than medical treatments."
again, make sure youre being careful with spelling mistakes such as "treatement" (treatment), and make sure youre capitalising st barthomeules (St Barthomeules). in the start of the second sentence i would say most hospitals were "run" by, rather than "ran" by. i would recommend making this paragraph a bit longer, as your paragraphs are on the shorter side, especially this paragraph, so if you could write some more information in each paragraph then you'd probably get higher marks.
"The making of herbal remedies by wise women and apothercaries also hindered the progression of care and treatment in the middle ages. Often times when people became ill they relied on apothercaries to make them herbal remedies as a cure for their illness, apothercaires had no formal training and made treatments based off of their limited knowledge gained by their family, apothercaries costed money however they were cheaper than physicians making them a more affordable opition for care, also many physician directed their patients to be cared for by apothercaries. Although most herbal remedies brought no positive affect on the care for the sick some herbal remediesdid progress care, for example honey had anti-microbial properties aiding the sick and ill, also aloe-vera worked well for soothing people's irritated skin."
again, i would just say be careful of spelling mistakes and typos, and just make the paragraph longer, with more information. i would also add a conclusion at the end of the essay, as this will allow you to just sort of sum up everything and give it a really nice ending, as in an exam if there is no conclusion, some examiners may think that didnt write a conclusion as you ran out of time, so may mark you down slightly for not doing a conclusion. but, yh, this is a decent essay, i would guess mid level marks. below i copied and pasted your essay, but with a few additions from the comments i made, just so that you can really see what i mean when i say each comment.
The church played a great role in medical schools between 1250 and 1500, and controlled what was taught to trainee medics, who went on to spread ideas the church approved of. This hindered the care and treatment they provided, as they were discouraged from challenging the incorrect, traditional ideas of Galen and progressing medical care and treatment. The church also played a huge role in hospitals, making their main aim to provide hospitality, rather than actual treatments to the sick. However, factors other than the church also played a role in healthcare, for example, the making of herbal treatment, which had little effect on helping the ill, yet were still popular amongst poorer people.
One reason as to why the role of the church was the main cause for little change in care and treatment in the middle ages is due to their role in medical training. Physicians studied at university for 7 years, and much of their education was based on books by Galen and Hippocrates, whose ideas the church promoted. Medical universities between 1250 and 1500 were mainly ran by the church, so allowed the church to have a heavy influence on the course materials and content. This is seen through Galen and Hippocrates, as the church promoted their ideas, and in particular, favoured Galen's belief that the body has a soul, and parts of the body were created by God to have specific functions. Most of the books studied during medical training were also written in monasteries by monks and clergys, who were some of the limited amount of people who could read and write. This allowed the Church to have control over medical ideas in these books, thus controlling what medics learned. This led to to little change in care and treatment as most doctors were educated on what the church wanted them to learn, and were taught to support Galen's ideas rather than challenge them.
Another factor that led the church to be the main cause of little change in healthcare was the church's role in hospitals. Most hospitals were run by monks and nuns, with the first hospital, St Bartholomeus, being set in 1123. Since most hospitals were ran by the church, their 'care' for the ill mainly consisted of prayers, as they believed that God would cure their illness, given that he was the one who caused them in the 1st place. The church-ran hospitals also mainly provided hospitality rather than actual medical treatments, and usually rejected infectious patients, preferring to take in the poor, elderly and travellers, as providing them with food, water and clean bedding as they believed this is what Jesus would have wanted them to do. This hindered progression in care and treatment as this forced society to rely more on God and hospitality rather than medical treatments.
However, the role of pothecaries suggests the church is not the main reason for little change in care and treatment. The making of herbal remedies by wise women and apothecaries also hindered the progression of care and treatment in the middle ages. People often relied on apothecaries when they became ill, as the apothecaries would make them herbal remedies as a cure for their illnesses. Apothecaries had no formal training and made treatments based off of their limited knowledge gained by their families. They also cost a lot of money, though were cheaper than physicians, making them a more affordable option for care. Many physicians also directed their patients to be cared for by apothecaries, which allowed the popularity of apothecaries to grow, and increased their wealth. Although most herbal remedies brought no positive impact on the care for the sick, some herbal remedies did progress care, for example honey had anti-microbial properties to the sick, and aloe-vera worked well for soothing irritated skin.
In conclusion, I agree / disagree with the statement because [sum up your whole essay here].
Thank you for the feedback it's really helpful, I wrote this in the middle of the night that's why the spelling is a bit all over the place hahah. Also to make the paragraphs more detailed and longer should I talk about how hospitals were set up and types of remedies. Do I also need to include lots of dates to get a high score because I'm not that good at remebering dates. My teacher said that for each paragraph I should add around 2 pieces of evidence, would that be sufficient?
(edited 1 year ago)
Original post by 234532dsd32
Thank you for the feedback it's really helpful, I wrote this in the middle of the night that's why the spelling is a bit all over the place hahah. Also to make the paragraphs more detailed and longer should I talk about how hospitals were set up and types of remedies. Do I also need to include lots of dates to get a high score because I'm not that good at remebering dates. My teacher said that for each paragraph I should add around 2 pieces of evidence, would that be sufficient?
glad i could help
i think that remembering dates would be helpful, but i think as long as you know roughly when everything happened then you'll be fine. also often you'll get the dates of certain things in the question, so you can always just rely on this worst case scenario.
yh, for more detailed and longer paragraphs talking about how hospitals were set up and remedies and that sort of stuff would definitely be a good thing to add. and just in general for essay questions id suggest that in order to always know your paragraphs are long enough and cover enough content use the "peal" structure, so point, evidence, analysis, link. i used this with almost every history and english gcse essay question, and id recommend doing three peal paragraphs for essay qs worth less marks, and probably about four for qs worth higher marks, tho you could get away with doing two to three peal paragraphs if each peal paragraph is very very detailed and intense - but id just aim for writing the most peal paragraphs you can in the time frame, whist still writing decent and relevant points, as then youll atleast know you did the best you could. when i was at gcse id also write in the margin the letters each time i did one step so i could see i was doing a good amount of everything. writing the letters in the margins also helps when youre doing your conclusion and youre looking for a specific point or a specific example you mentioned earlier, as you can narrow it down by which step it is in "peal". and for how many evidence for each paragraph, id say that two pieces per paragraph sounds good, although you'd have to analyse both, and link both of them back to the question, as otherwise the examiner would think youre just throwing in random examples in the hopes to get more marks. then at the end of the essay, in the conclusion, i would refer back to some of the examples from earlier in the essay and say something like "in conclusion, i agree with the statement, as the church did play a huge role in the lack of change of care and treatment. this is seen throughout the time period of 1250 to 1500, from [example a] to [example b]..."
also id recommend you just do practice essay qs as much as possible, as after a while you start to really understand roughly how long each paragraph should be, how you should tie everything together and include all the relevant points, and all that stuff. once all of this like clicks in your brain your essays will improve so much, this happened to me with eng lit at a level, as weve finished all the course content already (im in yr13) so were doing one or two esay questions a week, and once the like sort of 'ideal' essay clicked in my mind i improved a lot, rapidly.
All good but you need to also include a ‘on the other hand’ to show what the church did to improve medicine and also mention this in your intro. So include positives as well as negatives in the church section
Maybe give another example of what else hindered medicine before writing a conclusion. Such as barber surgeons and people being uneducated. Also maybe include more statistics.
If you want you can also link these back to the church and what influence that had on these factors in your conclusion to show how the church was more important.
In the conclusion start with a “although —— was a significant factor in hindering medicine, the ——- was more important due to———.
All of what is written is good and so is the analysis so don’t get rid of anything. Just add to it.
Maybe give another example of what else hindered medicine before writing a conclusion. Such as barber surgeons and people being uneducated. Also maybe include more statistics.
If you want you can also link these back to the church and what influence that had on these factors in your conclusion to show how the church was more important.
In the conclusion start with a “although —— was a significant factor in hindering medicine, the ——- was more important due to———.
All of what is written is good and so is the analysis so don’t get rid of anything. Just add to it.
Original post by Justhere-0123
All good but you need to also include a ‘on the other hand’ to show what the church did to improve medicine and also mention this in your intro. So include positives as well as negatives in the church section
Maybe give another example of what else hindered medicine before writing a conclusion. Such as barber surgeons and people being uneducated. Also maybe include more statistics.
If you want you can also link these back to the church and what influence that had on these factors in your conclusion to show how the church was more important.
In the conclusion start with a “although —— was a significant factor in hindering medicine, the ——- was more important due to———.
All of what is written is good and so is the analysis so don’t get rid of anything. Just add to it.
Maybe give another example of what else hindered medicine before writing a conclusion. Such as barber surgeons and people being uneducated. Also maybe include more statistics.
If you want you can also link these back to the church and what influence that had on these factors in your conclusion to show how the church was more important.
In the conclusion start with a “although —— was a significant factor in hindering medicine, the ——- was more important due to———.
All of what is written is good and so is the analysis so don’t get rid of anything. Just add to it.
Hi I rewrote my 2nd paragraph using the pea structure, I’m the same person just on a different account. Has my writing improved, I’ve also tried adding more information, if I were to write 3 paragraphs like this + conclusion & introduction how many marks do you reckon I’d get. Also thank you for taking your time to help me
it’s greatly helped The church played a big role in hindering the change in care and treatment in 1250-1500 due to their big involvement in the education of Physicians and control of libraries. Most libraries in the Middle Ages were run by the church as most of the people who were literate in that time were monks and clergy’s therefore they were the one who rewrote and translated books, this meant that the church could control which scientific ideas on care and treatment could be spread via books, the church promoted books of Galen in particular as his belief that God created souls and human body parts for specific functions fitted their ideas. Also Galen wrote over 300 books therefore he was greatly respected since this was seen as a great achievement given that most of the population was illiterate at the time, this encouraged the church to spread his ideas even more. Physicians spent 7 years in university which were mostly controlled by churches and much of their education was based on books therefore the Church could control what content they learned. Because of the church, trainee physicians were taught the theory of four humours by Hippocrates which stated that if one of the four humours black bile, yellow bile, blood and phlegm was unbalanced that meant the person would become ill. Trainee medics were also taught the theory of opposites by Galen where in order to treat an unbalanced humour you must give the patient a treatment which is the ‘opposite’ to their symptoms & illness, for example if they had a hot fever they should eat a cucumber as that was cold and cool. Because of the church, physician were discouraged from challenging these beliefs and were taught to prove Galen & Hippocrates correct rather than progressing care in the medical field, challenging these ideas could lead to physicians being punished as this was seen as challenging the church and therefore God, this crime was known as blasphemy and was capital punishment worthy. This hindered the change in medical care as physicians were restricted from challenging old, tradition incorrect ideas and went on to spread them in favour of the church.
It's no bother, really.
I'd recommend putting more commas throughout, because in the exam you're going yo have a lot you'll want to write, and commas will help sort of like break down your sentences and make it easier for the examiner to skim read.
Where you talk about the theory of four humours i think there's part of the sentence missing, as it doesn't really make sense
Towards the end when you're saying "Because of the church, physician were discouraged from challenging these beliefs [...] and was capital punishment worthy." This sentence is quite long, so I'd just be aware of your sentence lengths in the exam and if you notice your sentence getting a bit long then od start a new one. Also adding commas here and there would help with this issue.
The last sentence could use a little rearranging but the point you're making is good. I'd put it as something like "this hindered the change in medical care as physicians were indoctrinated against changing the old, incorrect, and traditional ways, which allowed the church's control to spread." I changed "restricted" to "indoctrinated" because there was technically nothing physically preventing ppl from speaking out against the church, it was more of a mental level of control
I'd recommend putting more commas throughout, because in the exam you're going yo have a lot you'll want to write, and commas will help sort of like break down your sentences and make it easier for the examiner to skim read.
Where you talk about the theory of four humours i think there's part of the sentence missing, as it doesn't really make sense
Towards the end when you're saying "Because of the church, physician were discouraged from challenging these beliefs [...] and was capital punishment worthy." This sentence is quite long, so I'd just be aware of your sentence lengths in the exam and if you notice your sentence getting a bit long then od start a new one. Also adding commas here and there would help with this issue.
The last sentence could use a little rearranging but the point you're making is good. I'd put it as something like "this hindered the change in medical care as physicians were indoctrinated against changing the old, incorrect, and traditional ways, which allowed the church's control to spread." I changed "restricted" to "indoctrinated" because there was technically nothing physically preventing ppl from speaking out against the church, it was more of a mental level of control
Original post by Rushdis
Hi I rewrote my 2nd paragraph using the pea structure, I’m the same person just on a different account. Has my writing improved, I’ve also tried adding more information, if I were to write 3 paragraphs like this + conclusion & introduction how many marks do you reckon I’d get. Also thank you for taking your time to help me it’s greatly helped
The church played a big role in hindering the change in care and treatment in 1250-1500 due to their big involvement in the education of Physicians and control of libraries. Most libraries in the Middle Ages were run by the church as most of the people who were literate in that time were monks and clergy’s therefore they were the one who rewrote and translated books, this meant that the church could control which scientific ideas on care and treatment could be spread via books, the church promoted books of Galen in particular as his belief that God created souls and human body parts for specific functions fitted their ideas. Also Galen wrote over 300 books therefore he was greatly respected since this was seen as a great achievement given that most of the population was illiterate at the time, this encouraged the church to spread his ideas even more. Physicians spent 7 years in university which were mostly controlled by churches and much of their education was based on books therefore the Church could control what content they learned. Because of the church, trainee physicians were taught the theory of four humours by Hippocrates which stated that if one of the four humours black bile, yellow bile, blood and phlegm was unbalanced that meant the person would become ill. Trainee medics were also taught the theory of opposites by Galen where in order to treat an unbalanced humour you must give the patient a treatment which is the ‘opposite’ to their symptoms & illness, for example if they had a hot fever they should eat a cucumber as that was cold and cool. Because of the church, physician were discouraged from challenging these beliefs and were taught to prove Galen & Hippocrates correct rather than progressing care in the medical field, challenging these ideas could lead to physicians being punished as this was seen as challenging the church and therefore God, this crime was known as blasphemy and was capital punishment worthy. This hindered the change in medical care as physicians were restricted from challenging old, tradition incorrect ideas and went on to spread them in favour of the church.
it’s greatly helped The church played a big role in hindering the change in care and treatment in 1250-1500 due to their big involvement in the education of Physicians and control of libraries. Most libraries in the Middle Ages were run by the church as most of the people who were literate in that time were monks and clergy’s therefore they were the one who rewrote and translated books, this meant that the church could control which scientific ideas on care and treatment could be spread via books, the church promoted books of Galen in particular as his belief that God created souls and human body parts for specific functions fitted their ideas. Also Galen wrote over 300 books therefore he was greatly respected since this was seen as a great achievement given that most of the population was illiterate at the time, this encouraged the church to spread his ideas even more. Physicians spent 7 years in university which were mostly controlled by churches and much of their education was based on books therefore the Church could control what content they learned. Because of the church, trainee physicians were taught the theory of four humours by Hippocrates which stated that if one of the four humours black bile, yellow bile, blood and phlegm was unbalanced that meant the person would become ill. Trainee medics were also taught the theory of opposites by Galen where in order to treat an unbalanced humour you must give the patient a treatment which is the ‘opposite’ to their symptoms & illness, for example if they had a hot fever they should eat a cucumber as that was cold and cool. Because of the church, physician were discouraged from challenging these beliefs and were taught to prove Galen & Hippocrates correct rather than progressing care in the medical field, challenging these ideas could lead to physicians being punished as this was seen as challenging the church and therefore God, this crime was known as blasphemy and was capital punishment worthy. This hindered the change in medical care as physicians were restricted from challenging old, tradition incorrect ideas and went on to spread them in favour of the church.
There is lots of examples in here, which is really good but use an example of punishment briefly (roger bacon)
Remember to include reasons why the church helped/ did not hinder medicine as well, along with reasons other than the church.
It all looks good and seems to be a strong answer but I’m not sure how many marks it would get. It was better than my answer at gcse anyway. Just remember to include lots of analysis, don’t replace it with evidence.
Original post by user_5678
hey, so i did edexcel history, so hopfully i can help
"I agree with this statement to an extent as the church played a great role in medical schools, controlling what was taught to future medics, these physicians went on to spread ideas that the church approved thus hindering care and treatement as they discouraged from challenging the incorrect traditional ideas of Galen and progressing medical care/ treatment. Also the church played a role in hospitals, making their main aim to provide hospitality rather than actual treatments to the sick. Although the church played a vital role in hindering the progression of care and treatment other factors also played a role like the making of herbal treatment which had little effect on helping the ill yet were still popular amongst poorer people."
this is a good start to the essay, i would suggest adding a few more commas as the sentences are a bit long. i personally would start the essay with saying "the church did / did not do xyz" rather than "i agree / disagree", as i would leave any sort of personal opinions of agreeing or disagreeing until the conclusion, and i would just say like "xyz happened, which supports the idea of the church doing whatever". but otherwise, this is a nice introduction, you've summarised a couple of points which you can go into further detail later, you've shown from the beginning that you understand the course content, yh, its good.
"One reason why the role of the church was the main reason why there was little change in care and treatement in the middle gaes is because of their role in medical training. Physicians studied at university for 7 years, much of the education were based on books by Galen and Hippocrated. The universities these physicians attended were mainly ran by the church, therefore the content that medical students learned were controlled by the church, the church promoted Galen & Hippocrates beliefs,in particulr they favoured Galen as his belief that the body had a soul and body parts were by God for specific functions matched their beliefs. Also most of the books were written in monasteries by monks and clergys as they could read and write, this meant that the Church could control medical ideas in books thus controlling what medics learned via books, this led to to little change in car and treatment as most doctors were educated on what the church wanted them to learn and they were taught to prove Galen's ideas rathet than challenge them."
note: typo of middle ages - in the middle gaes & rather than - ideas rathet than, misspelling of a few words - in particulr (particular) & care and treatement (treatment)
this paragraph is good, i would say just be slightly more aware of typos and spellig mmistakes, ik theyre easy to make in the moment, especially in an exam when you're pressed for time and that, because its silly mistakes like typos and spelling errors where you can lose marks that you wouldve otherwise so easily had. also id suggest altering the sentences slightly so that you make use more of connective words such as "and", for example you said "...were controlled by the church, the church promoted Galen & Hippocrates..." here i would say something like "the content that medical students learned were controlled by the church, who promoted...", as then youre not repeating "the church". and also (again) some sentences are a bit long and could make use of some commas.
"Another reason why the church was the main reason there was little change in care and treatement was because of their role in hospitals. Most hospitals were ran by monks and nuns, with the first hospital st barthomeules being set in 1123, since most of the hospitals were ran by the church their 'care' for the ill mainly consisted of prayers as they believed that God could cure their illness given that he was the one who caused it in the 1st place. The church ran hospitals also mainly provided hospitality rather than actual medical treatments, they usually rejected infectious patients and mainly took in the poor, elderly and travellers, providing them with food, water and clean bedding as they belived this is what Jesus would have wanted them to do. This hindered progression in care and treatement as they relied more on God and hospitality rather than medical treatments."
again, make sure youre being careful with spelling mistakes such as "treatement" (treatment), and make sure youre capitalising st barthomeules (St Barthomeules). in the start of the second sentence i would say most hospitals were "run" by, rather than "ran" by. i would recommend making this paragraph a bit longer, as your paragraphs are on the shorter side, especially this paragraph, so if you could write some more information in each paragraph then you'd probably get higher marks.
"The making of herbal remedies by wise women and apothercaries also hindered the progression of care and treatment in the middle ages. Often times when people became ill they relied on apothercaries to make them herbal remedies as a cure for their illness, apothercaires had no formal training and made treatments based off of their limited knowledge gained by their family, apothercaries costed money however they were cheaper than physicians making them a more affordable opition for care, also many physician directed their patients to be cared for by apothercaries. Although most herbal remedies brought no positive affect on the care for the sick some herbal remediesdid progress care, for example honey had anti-microbial properties aiding the sick and ill, also aloe-vera worked well for soothing people's irritated skin."
again, i would just say be careful of spelling mistakes and typos, and just make the paragraph longer, with more information. i would also add a conclusion at the end of the essay, as this will allow you to just sort of sum up everything and give it a really nice ending, as in an exam if there is no conclusion, some examiners may think that didnt write a conclusion as you ran out of time, so may mark you down slightly for not doing a conclusion. but, yh, this is a decent essay, i would guess mid level marks. below i copied and pasted your essay, but with a few additions from the comments i made, just so that you can really see what i mean when i say each comment.
The church played a great role in medical schools between 1250 and 1500, and controlled what was taught to trainee medics, who went on to spread ideas the church approved of. This hindered the care and treatment they provided, as they were discouraged from challenging the incorrect, traditional ideas of Galen and progressing medical care and treatment. The church also played a huge role in hospitals, making their main aim to provide hospitality, rather than actual treatments to the sick. However, factors other than the church also played a role in healthcare, for example, the making of herbal treatment, which had little effect on helping the ill, yet were still popular amongst poorer people.
One reason as to why the role of the church was the main cause for little change in care and treatment in the middle ages is due to their role in medical training. Physicians studied at university for 7 years, and much of their education was based on books by Galen and Hippocrates, whose ideas the church promoted. Medical universities between 1250 and 1500 were mainly ran by the church, so allowed the church to have a heavy influence on the course materials and content. This is seen through Galen and Hippocrates, as the church promoted their ideas, and in particular, favoured Galen's belief that the body has a soul, and parts of the body were created by God to have specific functions. Most of the books studied during medical training were also written in monasteries by monks and clergys, who were some of the limited amount of people who could read and write. This allowed the Church to have control over medical ideas in these books, thus controlling what medics learned. This led to to little change in care and treatment as most doctors were educated on what the church wanted them to learn, and were taught to support Galen's ideas rather than challenge them.
Another factor that led the church to be the main cause of little change in healthcare was the church's role in hospitals. Most hospitals were run by monks and nuns, with the first hospital, St Bartholomeus, being set in 1123. Since most hospitals were ran by the church, their 'care' for the ill mainly consisted of prayers, as they believed that God would cure their illness, given that he was the one who caused them in the 1st place. The church-ran hospitals also mainly provided hospitality rather than actual medical treatments, and usually rejected infectious patients, preferring to take in the poor, elderly and travellers, as providing them with food, water and clean bedding as they believed this is what Jesus would have wanted them to do. This hindered progression in care and treatment as this forced society to rely more on God and hospitality rather than medical treatments.
However, the role of pothecaries suggests the church is not the main reason for little change in care and treatment. The making of herbal remedies by wise women and apothecaries also hindered the progression of care and treatment in the middle ages. People often relied on apothecaries when they became ill, as the apothecaries would make them herbal remedies as a cure for their illnesses. Apothecaries had no formal training and made treatments based off of their limited knowledge gained by their families. They also cost a lot of money, though were cheaper than physicians, making them a more affordable option for care. Many physicians also directed their patients to be cared for by apothecaries, which allowed the popularity of apothecaries to grow, and increased their wealth. Although most herbal remedies brought no positive impact on the care for the sick, some herbal remedies did progress care, for example honey had anti-microbial properties to the sick, and aloe-vera worked well for soothing irritated skin.
In conclusion, I agree / disagree with the statement because [sum up your whole essay here].
"I agree with this statement to an extent as the church played a great role in medical schools, controlling what was taught to future medics, these physicians went on to spread ideas that the church approved thus hindering care and treatement as they discouraged from challenging the incorrect traditional ideas of Galen and progressing medical care/ treatment. Also the church played a role in hospitals, making their main aim to provide hospitality rather than actual treatments to the sick. Although the church played a vital role in hindering the progression of care and treatment other factors also played a role like the making of herbal treatment which had little effect on helping the ill yet were still popular amongst poorer people."
this is a good start to the essay, i would suggest adding a few more commas as the sentences are a bit long. i personally would start the essay with saying "the church did / did not do xyz" rather than "i agree / disagree", as i would leave any sort of personal opinions of agreeing or disagreeing until the conclusion, and i would just say like "xyz happened, which supports the idea of the church doing whatever". but otherwise, this is a nice introduction, you've summarised a couple of points which you can go into further detail later, you've shown from the beginning that you understand the course content, yh, its good.
"One reason why the role of the church was the main reason why there was little change in care and treatement in the middle gaes is because of their role in medical training. Physicians studied at university for 7 years, much of the education were based on books by Galen and Hippocrated. The universities these physicians attended were mainly ran by the church, therefore the content that medical students learned were controlled by the church, the church promoted Galen & Hippocrates beliefs,in particulr they favoured Galen as his belief that the body had a soul and body parts were by God for specific functions matched their beliefs. Also most of the books were written in monasteries by monks and clergys as they could read and write, this meant that the Church could control medical ideas in books thus controlling what medics learned via books, this led to to little change in car and treatment as most doctors were educated on what the church wanted them to learn and they were taught to prove Galen's ideas rathet than challenge them."
note: typo of middle ages - in the middle gaes & rather than - ideas rathet than, misspelling of a few words - in particulr (particular) & care and treatement (treatment)
this paragraph is good, i would say just be slightly more aware of typos and spellig mmistakes, ik theyre easy to make in the moment, especially in an exam when you're pressed for time and that, because its silly mistakes like typos and spelling errors where you can lose marks that you wouldve otherwise so easily had. also id suggest altering the sentences slightly so that you make use more of connective words such as "and", for example you said "...were controlled by the church, the church promoted Galen & Hippocrates..." here i would say something like "the content that medical students learned were controlled by the church, who promoted...", as then youre not repeating "the church". and also (again) some sentences are a bit long and could make use of some commas.
"Another reason why the church was the main reason there was little change in care and treatement was because of their role in hospitals. Most hospitals were ran by monks and nuns, with the first hospital st barthomeules being set in 1123, since most of the hospitals were ran by the church their 'care' for the ill mainly consisted of prayers as they believed that God could cure their illness given that he was the one who caused it in the 1st place. The church ran hospitals also mainly provided hospitality rather than actual medical treatments, they usually rejected infectious patients and mainly took in the poor, elderly and travellers, providing them with food, water and clean bedding as they belived this is what Jesus would have wanted them to do. This hindered progression in care and treatement as they relied more on God and hospitality rather than medical treatments."
again, make sure youre being careful with spelling mistakes such as "treatement" (treatment), and make sure youre capitalising st barthomeules (St Barthomeules). in the start of the second sentence i would say most hospitals were "run" by, rather than "ran" by. i would recommend making this paragraph a bit longer, as your paragraphs are on the shorter side, especially this paragraph, so if you could write some more information in each paragraph then you'd probably get higher marks.
"The making of herbal remedies by wise women and apothercaries also hindered the progression of care and treatment in the middle ages. Often times when people became ill they relied on apothercaries to make them herbal remedies as a cure for their illness, apothercaires had no formal training and made treatments based off of their limited knowledge gained by their family, apothercaries costed money however they were cheaper than physicians making them a more affordable opition for care, also many physician directed their patients to be cared for by apothercaries. Although most herbal remedies brought no positive affect on the care for the sick some herbal remediesdid progress care, for example honey had anti-microbial properties aiding the sick and ill, also aloe-vera worked well for soothing people's irritated skin."
again, i would just say be careful of spelling mistakes and typos, and just make the paragraph longer, with more information. i would also add a conclusion at the end of the essay, as this will allow you to just sort of sum up everything and give it a really nice ending, as in an exam if there is no conclusion, some examiners may think that didnt write a conclusion as you ran out of time, so may mark you down slightly for not doing a conclusion. but, yh, this is a decent essay, i would guess mid level marks. below i copied and pasted your essay, but with a few additions from the comments i made, just so that you can really see what i mean when i say each comment.
The church played a great role in medical schools between 1250 and 1500, and controlled what was taught to trainee medics, who went on to spread ideas the church approved of. This hindered the care and treatment they provided, as they were discouraged from challenging the incorrect, traditional ideas of Galen and progressing medical care and treatment. The church also played a huge role in hospitals, making their main aim to provide hospitality, rather than actual treatments to the sick. However, factors other than the church also played a role in healthcare, for example, the making of herbal treatment, which had little effect on helping the ill, yet were still popular amongst poorer people.
One reason as to why the role of the church was the main cause for little change in care and treatment in the middle ages is due to their role in medical training. Physicians studied at university for 7 years, and much of their education was based on books by Galen and Hippocrates, whose ideas the church promoted. Medical universities between 1250 and 1500 were mainly ran by the church, so allowed the church to have a heavy influence on the course materials and content. This is seen through Galen and Hippocrates, as the church promoted their ideas, and in particular, favoured Galen's belief that the body has a soul, and parts of the body were created by God to have specific functions. Most of the books studied during medical training were also written in monasteries by monks and clergys, who were some of the limited amount of people who could read and write. This allowed the Church to have control over medical ideas in these books, thus controlling what medics learned. This led to to little change in care and treatment as most doctors were educated on what the church wanted them to learn, and were taught to support Galen's ideas rather than challenge them.
Another factor that led the church to be the main cause of little change in healthcare was the church's role in hospitals. Most hospitals were run by monks and nuns, with the first hospital, St Bartholomeus, being set in 1123. Since most hospitals were ran by the church, their 'care' for the ill mainly consisted of prayers, as they believed that God would cure their illness, given that he was the one who caused them in the 1st place. The church-ran hospitals also mainly provided hospitality rather than actual medical treatments, and usually rejected infectious patients, preferring to take in the poor, elderly and travellers, as providing them with food, water and clean bedding as they believed this is what Jesus would have wanted them to do. This hindered progression in care and treatment as this forced society to rely more on God and hospitality rather than medical treatments.
However, the role of pothecaries suggests the church is not the main reason for little change in care and treatment. The making of herbal remedies by wise women and apothecaries also hindered the progression of care and treatment in the middle ages. People often relied on apothecaries when they became ill, as the apothecaries would make them herbal remedies as a cure for their illnesses. Apothecaries had no formal training and made treatments based off of their limited knowledge gained by their families. They also cost a lot of money, though were cheaper than physicians, making them a more affordable option for care. Many physicians also directed their patients to be cared for by apothecaries, which allowed the popularity of apothecaries to grow, and increased their wealth. Although most herbal remedies brought no positive impact on the care for the sick, some herbal remedies did progress care, for example honey had anti-microbial properties to the sick, and aloe-vera worked well for soothing irritated skin.
In conclusion, I agree / disagree with the statement because [sum up your whole essay here].
This one’s good
Quick Reply
Related discussions
- GCSE Exam Discussions 2024
- GCSE History: Self-Study?
- Triple Science revision
- Which is better to study, A level classics or History????
- GCSE options
- URGENT need tips and resources for gcse from.u guys
- Which is easiest to get A - Geography or History?
- GCSE History Study Group 2022-2023
- What is Edexcel GCSE History like? And what was it like having it after Gcses?🙂
- GCSE history grade 9 exemplar answers
- How? what? To get grade 9 .
- A-level Politics Study Group 2023-2024
- A Level Law or Spanish
- GCSE History Study Group 2021-2022
- GCSE
- ⭐niamhcheesecake's Yr 11 journal: help me conquer Gcse's :(( ⭐
- Law or Politics-A level
- A-level Exam Discussions 2024
- What's the hardest exam you've sat so far?
- Official Year 11 Chat 2023-24
Latest
Trending
Last reply 5 hours ago
Edexcel A Level History Paper 1 (9HI0 1A-1H) - 23rd May 2024 [Exam Chat]Last reply 1 day ago
AQA A Level History Paper 1 (7042/1A-1L) - 23rd May 2024 [Exam Chat]Last reply 1 day ago
AQA A Level History Paper 2 (7042/2A-2T) - 7th June 2024 [Exam Chat]Last reply 3 days ago
Edexcel A Level History Paper 2 (9HI0 2A-2H) - 7th June 2024 [Exam Chat]Last reply 5 days ago
Edexcel GCSE HISTORY PAPER 1 (1HI0 10-13) - 15th MAY [Exam Chat]Last reply 1 week ago
OCR A-Level HISTORY PAPER 3 (Y301-Y321) - 23rd MAY [Exam Chat]Last reply 2 weeks ago
History Edexcel A level Britain Transformed and USA Conformity and ChallengeLast reply 3 months ago
AQA A-level History USA: Making of a Superpower (7042/1K) - 24 May 2023 [Exam Chat]Last reply 3 months ago
AQA A Level History - Making of Modern Britain(2S) Exam Chat - 9th June 2023Trending
Last reply 5 hours ago
Edexcel A Level History Paper 1 (9HI0 1A-1H) - 23rd May 2024 [Exam Chat]Last reply 1 day ago
AQA A Level History Paper 1 (7042/1A-1L) - 23rd May 2024 [Exam Chat]Last reply 1 day ago
AQA A Level History Paper 2 (7042/2A-2T) - 7th June 2024 [Exam Chat]Last reply 3 days ago
Edexcel A Level History Paper 2 (9HI0 2A-2H) - 7th June 2024 [Exam Chat]Last reply 5 days ago
Edexcel GCSE HISTORY PAPER 1 (1HI0 10-13) - 15th MAY [Exam Chat]Last reply 1 week ago
OCR A-Level HISTORY PAPER 3 (Y301-Y321) - 23rd MAY [Exam Chat]Last reply 2 weeks ago
History Edexcel A level Britain Transformed and USA Conformity and ChallengeLast reply 3 months ago
AQA A-level History USA: Making of a Superpower (7042/1K) - 24 May 2023 [Exam Chat]Last reply 3 months ago
AQA A Level History - Making of Modern Britain(2S) Exam Chat - 9th June 2023
