Loving in silence - is it possible?

What do we do? I feel starved I want to hear from him I’m tired of being the only one sending him snaps

I am guessing you may not be very old or experienced in the dating world? Both your actions and the reactions of you and your silent secret love man seem very shaky and unsure. This is just the start to understanding what makes a man's brain work (or not as the case may be)

Keep living your life to the max, do everything you want to do, get out there in the world. If this relationship incidentally suddenly develops then just see where it goes, have fun, and keep it simple. Share little bits of life together gently.
A day at a time. Don't waste too much time fretting about someone not responding, do your own thing. You will know very quickly whether someone returns your attentions.

If they can't articulate (give someone space, we've all had those awkward moments) But if they can't give their own time or they are so frightened to reply back as a habit then it is probably safe to assume they aren't ready to have a relationship. Move on and find those stable, grounded and funny men who do (I've not even mentioned the 'nice' word) That's the best bit of exploring life; spending your time finding the man with the right attitudes to fit your own, the right attitudes to life, the right attitudes to others (and yourself), to religion. Find that man who will give you respect, give you space and help you reach your own ambitions no matter what they may be. But that often means junking a lot of men along the way who just aren't up to standard. Be ok about that. Keep the bar as high as you possibly can, and one day you will meet your match (and that won't be a secret love)

I cringed hard at the phrase, "I'm a secret lover."

Sounds like he's a shy guy who either thinks it is cool to pretend to be mysterious or romanticises the idea of loving someone from afar - neither are cool.

From how loosely you throw the word "love" around, I'm going to guess you are both very young. A relationship won't work until he changes his approach. Meet up and hang out together instead of exchanging these awkward sounding text messages.

Start dating, meet up and spend time in each other's company trying to have normal conversations. If you can't do that, move on.

We are long distance

Have you ever met?

What are the plans for the near future?

I am guessing you may not be very old or experienced in the dating world? Both your actions and the reactions of you and your silent secret love man seem very shaky and unsure. This is just the start to understanding what makes a man's brain work (or not as the case may be)

Keep living your life to the max, do everything you want to do, get out there in the world. If this relationship incidentally suddenly develops then just see where it goes, have fun, and keep it simple. Share little bits of life together gently.
A day at a time. Don't waste too much time fretting about someone not responding, do your own thing. You will know very quickly whether someone returns your attentions.

If they can't articulate (give someone space, we've all had those awkward moments) But if they can't give their own time or they are so frightened to reply back as a habit then it is probably safe to assume they aren't ready to have a relationship. Move on and find those stable, grounded and funny men who do (I've not even mentioned the 'nice' word) That's the best bit of exploring life; spending your time finding the man with the right attitudes to fit your own, the right attitudes to life, the right attitudes to others (and yourself), to religion. Find that man who will give you respect, give you space and help you reach your own ambitions no matter what they may be. But that often means junking a lot of men along the way who just aren't up to standard. Be ok about that. Keep the bar as high as you possibly can, and one day you will meet your match (and that won't be a secret love)

We have met once.

I haven’t asked him. His communication and replies aren’t great.

I expressed my love after him and kind of regret. I should’ve asked questions and Interrogated then I thought it doesn’t looks good and it’s as if I’m doubting his love. So I went straight and also confessed. We’ve had late night messages a few times like when and how it happened and it’s a “forever” thing and I always pray for you etc. he’s Muslim also. So that’s how things are for now. But we haven’t spoken and I’ve snapped him several times and I’ve got blanked lol.

Neither is your communication great if you have feelings for somebody, but won't discuss what's going on between you. Time to move on from him as he's not worth the effort, but also as you sound immature to be in a relationship and need to learn how to interact.

I don’t think my communication is the problem. I’ve been in a 2 year relationship.

I back from from communicating with him because I don’t see why I should put in the effort and express myself entirely if it’s not being receiprocated. So I just mirror him and I do try to initiate by sending snaps and small messages like miss you! But yeah!

You haven't been in a 2y relationship with this guy and everyone is different.

Mirroring him? You're playing games. Do you want this situation to drag on for weeks or sort it out? Isn't the latter why you made this thread? Either speak up or be a doormat.

I said I’ve been in one before for 2 years!

I said I’ve been in one before for 2 years!

and if he’s not bothered why should I be? I would like things to be straight and direct but I don’t think he will open up. So I’ve just stopped posting and sending him snaps and just see if her bothers to reply back and I will just be straight up and direct then.

Who is doing all the work in this relationship?

If it is you, you are pushing against the tide. So just stop.

Get out of there. Life is far too short. Partnerships should be mutual and equally returned. You should both be absolutely ok about giving your time and personality to each other. If there are problems now, how do you think it will be down the line?

For one night stands, who cares? But if it is to nurture trust, shared experiences, love and laughter. Forget it. Read the warning signs and walk away before you waste even more time. You are worth so much more than to be played by someone who may or may not care.

I think you should first establish a relationship. Having a defined relationship with him will give you the opportunity to have a conversation with him on how uncomfortable you feel about him not outrightly owning his words and showing actions. Because if the relationship isn’t certain, all that you feel and wish to say won’t be necessary to him.

Then again, if you’ve done all these and he is still the same, you can’t be the only active person there. I mean, it’s a two way action. You can’t be the only one sending snaps, texting or calling. It will look like you’re seeking attention that isn’t there. If he isn’t reciprocating your actions, then I think you should reconsider your self respect.

Move on and let him be. Nobody likes being secretly loved (and I don’t think he does either). Probably when you let him be, he might, if he truly loves you, retrace his steps and do the right thing.

Probably he is doing all these because there’s no defined relationship. But for now, do the needful and don’t push more.

Chuks
University of Bradford Alumni Rep