Love

why does my heart not stop when i see you?
why when you get close,
do I feel numb?
i don’t ever flush pink with you,
when i flush pink just walking down a street.
why does that bother me?
i love you and you’re everything,
but why when i’m with you I don’t feel much?
why does my heart not stop when i see you?

If true love and the perfect one exists,
why do i not feel all the things that love brags about?
and if i don’t feel, and we can’t exist as true love, then how could you possibly feel what you brag about?

why do i notice that sometimes after we meet, you acknowledge me as ‘baby’ in replacement of yesterdays ‘beautiful’?
why do i acknowledge your minutes of silence with feelings of rejection and anxiety?
why does my brutal minds twisting of your words still hurt me, when you have said every word under the sun to make me feel good?

i won’t be good enough for me, so here’s me trying to make me good enough for you.

you don’t know that my obsessiveness with my looks is my method to increase my value.
I have hacked the system of knowing how to be wanted.

i want to feel something.
I want to feel like i’m worth someone.
I want to really mean something to someone.

I think that is a part i have felt missed in my life,
and i want it more than anything.