GCSE English language paper 2, question 4

hey, i was wondering if anyone could mark/ grade my answer from a past paper?
Q4
For this question, you need to refer to the whole of Source A, together with the box whole of Source B. Compare how the writers convey their different perspectives and feelings about their experiences at sea. In your answer, you could:
• compare their different perspectives and feelings
• compare the methods the writers use to convey their different perspectives and feelings
• support your response with references to both texts. [16 marks]

In source A, Ben has an anxious perspective towards his experience at sea and is portrayed as feeling almost hopeless towards his and James’ survival. He endures a terrifying experience; one that would make many forever scared of the dark, open waters. Ben describes his longing to be with his wife and away from this ‘intimidating ocean’, emphasising his desperation to reach their destination and secure their survival. The writer utilises personification through the ‘intimidating’ sea to portray the oceans behaviour and the effect this has on Ben making him perhaps feel like a victim at the hands of the overpowering, undefeatable, uncontrollable sea. Contrasting with the perspective William depicts in source b. Unlike Ben, William doesn't appear intimidated by the sea, rather the opposite, he throws himself into his ‘bunk for a sleep’ clearly portraying his little concern for what is unravelling and his almost relaxed nature whilst at sea, juxtaposing with Ben who is almost flooded with panic. The opposing perspectives of the writer's experiences at sea may mirror the time in which they took place. Perhaps William possessed this more peaceful, calm nature whilst at sea due to the fact that this was normal for him since he travelled mainly by sea and so wasn’t as easily phased by the nature of the sea. Whereas, Ben who is travelling across the sea due to participating in a ‘seven week race’ isn’t familiar with the seas behaviour as much as william was and is therefore more shocked and perhaps unprepared for what the sea is capable of. The many years between the two sources may be an attributing factor of the writer's overall perspectives of their experiences at sea.

Moreover, in source A Ben utilises dialogue to convey his feelings of fear and panic whilst simultaneously reminding readers that he is not alone, rather accompanied by the sleeping James. Upon falling into the water he ‘cried’ for ‘James!’ the short exclamatory sentence explicitly conveys his overwhelming level of fear and perhaps realisation of what has happened to the two of them, followed by the emotional verb ‘cried’ emphasising the extremity of the incident and presenting the concern and worry Ben has towards James; the first thing Ben thought of whilst fighting for his life was James’ portraying their close bond and life-long, unbreakable friendship. On the other hand, William uses dialogue to convey the opposite message; he is travelling alone. Despite being on a ship with a myriad of people, the atmosphere on the boat when others begin to realise what is happening and the danger it holds, it is every man for themselves. Near the end of the text, William states that their position is still a ‘perilous’ one portraying his awareness of the situation, something he and Ben share. The powerful adjective conveys his overall experience at sea but somewhat juxtaposes with his overall state of being; he is in what is a clearly dangerous situation yet he doesn’t show a huge amount of fear or panic, he rather describes those around him panicking such as the ‘old captain’ who walked out with ‘white and hollowed-eyes’. Perhaps he does this much like Ben to shift the focus onto the sea itself and others rather than themselves in an attempt to create the terrifying image of what they are experiencing first hand in the reader's mind. Which involves the reader on a higher level and simply places them into their shoes, as though they are too experiencing this.

Heyyy I think this is a great answer and believe it’s worth around about 12-13 / 16. You embedded your quotations into the answer really well and used advanced vocabulary throughout. You also used great analysis of structural features within your answer, as you mentioned the shifts in focus. However I think you could improve this answer by mentioning the semantic fields and paying closer attention to the overall tone of both extracts. Other than this I think this answer was amazing ! Great work 👍