Making friends at university (UCL) a minor horror story

hey everyonee,

just sayin this might get a lil depressing but ill try keep it positive lmao.

I've just finished my first year at UCL studying chemistry. I'm really enjoying my course and doing well academically, but I'm really struggling with the social aspect...

before uni started i joined my course group chat, my accom gc, the ACS freshers gc, and i was speaking on the chats being active, but people started making their own gcs and i just didn't get added. i brushed it off n just thought its cool ill meet everyone irl

during freshers i attended every acs event, all my course inductions, i made an effort to meet up with people id met or at least message them etc but no one really seemed interested. once again i brushed it off, it was lonely but i was kinda still adjusting so it wasn't my main focus.
some of the nights out i did leave early (2am) because i was just getting pushed over in the clubs, and i did feel a bit left out in the groups..

anyways then a few things happened that kinda sent me back to listening to my social anxiety... the worst was on Halloween when i stayed with a group of girls rather than leaving with some girls i hardly knew from an accommodation near me because i wanted to try and get to know the girls i was initially with a bit more- we were all having fun and i didn't wanna leave early like i did during freshers... at the end of the night my phone had died and the girls i was with didn't care- a guy with them showed me my route home and they told me id be fine walking... it was a 30 minute walk from kentish town to camden, i was barefoot because my boots had made my feet bleed, i had no idea how to get back to the club to ask for help getting home, and in the moment i didnt want to force the girls to be around me if they didnt want to. i walked home, got followed by a middle aged man and thought i was going to d!e literally, but i managed to remember the way as id walked a similar route earlier to get a costume for one of the girls from that group...

i don't talk to these girls anymore, but that threw me offfff, so i just started seeing my boyfriend more. after Christmas, i made a few more friends but one girl was quite discriminatory against Caribbeans and being of Caribbean decent this was just another thing that threw me off... i finally reconnected with another group and was with them for a couple of weeks, but then i got ill and had to leave uni for 5 weeks. i hardly spoke to them during this time which was my fault, but i was really ill... i came back to uni and they'd got closer together and just didn't really invite me to much. i have been trying with them since too saying we should meet and trying to organise things, but i just feel like there's not really room for me.

anyways this year I'm starting a company with my manss and Ive got a committee position with a new society and im joining law soc as well and swimming soc maybe..

i just wanted to know if there's anyone else having these issues? or if anyone has had these issues and found people now? any tips etc?
also any tips on finding similar people, i really hate hearing anything bigoted or discriminatory and I've found that with a lotttttt of people at UCL, especially people giving me sheesh for being Jamaican. idk im open to anything...

thanks for reading lmaooo xx

Hi there,

Sorry to hear you've had a hard time with friendships this year. And about your night out experience - hope you're okay now.

I know the feeling of not feeling great within friendships or finding it difficult to start up new friendships. I think you've had the right attitude to try and brush it off when things don't really work out, so I'd keep that mindset going. I know myself that I don't want to be friends with people for the sake of it, especially if what they're saying doesn't align with your values, etc.

Maybe you could try branching out in terms of you how you meet people? Maybe trying some societies or events at your university that aren't necessarily 'night out' related? Or maybe you could even branch out further into the place you're studying? I've tried a few dance classes in Birmingham and have met some great friends who don't go to my uni but have similar interests.

You might find that starting your company leads you to meeting some new people - which sounds so exciting by the way!
I would try not to worry as you'll end up finding the right people for you, sometimes in the most unexpected ways. Keep putting yourself out there and chat to people, but remember to stay true to yourself.

I hope this helps!
Emily
Student Ambassador at BCU

heyy thank you so much for reading n taking the time to respond, ill definitely try to keep the mindset of brushing things off going into 2nd year, i kinda just think everything happens for a reason so the challenge is being resilient I guess

most of the events i was going to were careers events last year, so ill try going to more of the non-night out socials this year. do you have any tips on finding activities/classes outside uni for our age range? and thank you! I'm hoping i meet new people through the company, im planning on getting more involved in my uni's entrepreneurship community so hopefully ill meet people there!

yeah I'm just trying my best to stay as positive as possible, i am hopeful for this coming year but simultaneously i have that feeling after how this year has gone I must've done something wrong, but i think quite a few students feel this.

thank you so much again!

hey everyonee,

just sayin this might get a lil depressing but ill try keep it positive lmao.

I've just finished my first year at UCL studying chemistry. I'm really enjoying my course and doing well academically, but I'm really struggling with the social aspect...

before uni started i joined my course group chat, my accom gc, the ACS freshers gc, and i was speaking on the chats being active, but people started making their own gcs and i just didn't get added. i brushed it off n just thought its cool ill meet everyone irl

during freshers i attended every acs event, all my course inductions, i made an effort to meet up with people id met or at least message them etc but no one really seemed interested. once again i brushed it off, it was lonely but i was kinda still adjusting so it wasn't my main focus.
some of the nights out i did leave early (2am) because i was just getting pushed over in the clubs, and i did feel a bit left out in the groups..

anyways then a few things happened that kinda sent me back to listening to my social anxiety... the worst was on Halloween when i stayed with a group of girls rather than leaving with some girls i hardly knew from an accommodation near me because i wanted to try and get to know the girls i was initially with a bit more- we were all having fun and i didn't wanna leave early like i did during freshers... at the end of the night my phone had died and the girls i was with didn't care- a guy with them showed me my route home and they told me id be fine walking... it was a 30 minute walk from kentish town to camden, i was barefoot because my boots had made my feet bleed, i had no idea how to get back to the club to ask for help getting home, and in the moment i didnt want to force the girls to be around me if they didnt want to. i walked home, got followed by a middle aged man and thought i was going to d!e literally, but i managed to remember the way as id walked a similar route earlier to get a costume for one of the girls from that group...

i don't talk to these girls anymore, but that threw me offfff, so i just started seeing my boyfriend more. after Christmas, i made a few more friends but one girl was quite discriminatory against Caribbeans and being of Caribbean decent this was just another thing that threw me off... i finally reconnected with another group and was with them for a couple of weeks, but then i got ill and had to leave uni for 5 weeks. i hardly spoke to them during this time which was my fault, but i was really ill... i came back to uni and they'd got closer together and just didn't really invite me to much. i have been trying with them since too saying we should meet and trying to organise things, but i just feel like there's not really room for me.

anyways this year I'm starting a company with my manss and Ive got a committee position with a new society and im joining law soc as well and swimming soc maybe..

i just wanted to know if there's anyone else having these issues? or if anyone has had these issues and found people now? any tips etc?
also any tips on finding similar people, i really hate hearing anything bigoted or discriminatory and I've found that with a lotttttt of people at UCL, especially people giving me sheesh for being Jamaican. idk im open to anything...

thanks for reading lmaooo xx