Is it a red flag?

I've been on a date with a guy. He is 23 with no job or aspirations. He spends his days playing games and watching anime.

I had a lovely time a date but the fact that he doesn't know what he wants out of life bothers me a bit. It was his words that he doesnt't know what he wants out of life. On the other hand, I know exactly what I want, I'm at college, have goals and work on them.

My friend said that this is a deal breaker, that it would be like I'm dating a child.

Reply 1

Admit-One

Universities Forum Helper

21

Ultimately you have to decide whether it's a dealbreaker for you.

Some people would be absolutely fine if their partner was not ambitious and was drifting by with no career aspirations. For others it would be intolerable.

Certainly not having a job is likely the main sticking point here, as it would make it difficult for him to contribute and things are likely to be inequiable. I think if you are considering that you would need to change his mindset to make things work, it's likely that you are incompatible.

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Admit-One

Ultimately you have to decide whether it's a dealbreaker for you.

Some people would be absolutely fine if their partner was not ambitious and was drifting by with no career aspirations. For others it would be intolerable.

Certainly not having a job is likely the main sticking point here, as it would make it difficult for him to contribute and things are likely to be inequiable. I think if you are considering that you would need to change his mindset to make things work, it's likely that you are incompatible.

It's just.. I understand that we are both young and that a lot of people our age don't know what they want but what bothers me is that he is not even trying to find himself and what he likes. He just has this ''I don't care'' mentality that I never was fond of. I guess we are incompatible and not on the same wavelength. Thank you for your answer, I really appreciate it :smile:

Reply 3

Anonymous #2

Original post by Anonymous

I've been on a date with a guy. He is 23 with no job or aspirations. He spends his days playing games and watching anime.

I had a lovely time a date but the fact that he doesn't know what he wants out of life bothers me a bit. It was his words that he doesnt't know what he wants out of life. On the other hand, I know exactly what I want, I'm at college, have goals and work on them.

My friend said that this is a deal breaker, that it would be like I'm dating a child.

Hey!
Ultimately, I think this is for you to decide. Many people still struggle to figure out their aspirations in their mid 20's and that's okay. However, if you were to pursue a relationship with this man, the fact that he doesn't know what he wants out of life but you do could cause bumps in the relationship. On the other hand, it could maybe teach you a lot about yourself and you could help him decide what he wants to pursue.
Honestly, I think you should put yourself first. If a relationship with this man could hold you back from your goals I would steer clear for now. However, if you can balance the two, then why not!
Hope this helps :smile:

Reply 4

Anonymous #3

Might he make a good househusband and stay-at-home dad if it lasts? This would leave you free to pursue your goals.

Reply 5

Sorcerer's Storm

20

Run, definitely red flag. Nothing wrong with not knowing precisely what you want but at 23 you shouldn’t just be playing games and watching anime, you should actively be searching for things or trying different professions, applying for jobs, volunteering and so on. Does he have A levels? A degree? This “I don’t care” attitude is a huge red flag and really doesn’t bode well for him or his role in a potential partnership. If I were you I’d avoid like the plague.

(edited 8 months ago)

Reply 6

Lita fan girl

6

Original post by Anonymous

I've been on a date with a guy. He is 23 with no job or aspirations. He spends his days playing games and watching anime.

I had a lovely time a date but the fact that he doesn't know what he wants out of life bothers me a bit. It was his words that he doesnt't know what he wants out of life. On the other hand, I know exactly what I want, I'm at college, have goals and work on them.

My friend said that this is a deal breaker, that it would be like I'm dating a child.

Big red flag, he is not for you

Reply 7

Surnia

20

Who paid/will pay for dating if he hasn't a job? Is he a trust fund kid or on benefits?

Reply 8

LamboZen

4

Original post by Anonymous

I've been on a date with a guy. He is 23 with no job or aspirations. He spends his days playing games and watching anime.

I had a lovely time a date but the fact that he doesn't know what he wants out of life bothers me a bit. It was his words that he doesnt't know what he wants out of life. On the other hand, I know exactly what I want, I'm at college, have goals and work on them.

My friend said that this is a deal breaker, that it would be like I'm dating a child.

He sounds like an absolute catch. Hold onto him for dear life and never let go

Reply 9

londonmyst

19

Always trust your gut instinct and listen to what your common sense is telling you. :smile:

Above all- do not lend him any money or allow him to disrupt your own ambitions and lifestyle choices.

Stick to your dealbreakers.
Only you can decide whether his lack of employment ambition, earned income and work ethic are compatible with what you are looking for in a date or relationship.
Good luck!

Reply 10

BankaiGintoki

21

Original post by Anonymous

I've been on a date with a guy. He is 23 with no job or aspirations. He spends his days playing games and watching anime.

I had a lovely time a date but the fact that he doesn't know what he wants out of life bothers me a bit. It was his words that he doesnt't know what he wants out of life. On the other hand, I know exactly what I want, I'm at college, have goals and work on them.

My friend said that this is a deal breaker, that it would be like I'm dating a child.