Advice please

How can I deal with abusive family members, and the negative way they speak to me. They make me feel bad about myself.
Thanks

Reply 1

Dianax82

5

Hi sweet bean,
I've been there myself and have finally moved away. I found that doing outside activities even just a few walks in a park if possible really helped me clear my mind to steady myself for their abuse, remember to stay calm and not to react as abusers want a reaction and when they do not receive one they will either give up or send you away, if you can just pacify them as much as possible without overstepping your own boundaries too much, just remember that you have to pick and chose which battles as not to exhaust yourself x

Reply 2

nihalsaleem

1

. .

(edited 1 year ago)

Reply 3

hiÃ¬iiiiii

OP

13

Original post by Dianax82

Hi sweet bean,
I've been there myself and have finally moved away. I found that doing outside activities even just a few walks in a park if possible really helped me clear my mind to steady myself for their abuse, remember to stay calm and not to react as abusers want a reaction and when they do not receive one they will either give up or send you away, if you can just pacify them as much as possible without overstepping your own boundaries too much, just remember that you have to pick and chose which battles as not to exhaust yourself x

thank you for taking the time to reply
I'm not really allowed out by myself, so that's not an option. And you said not to react, well lately I've been struggling to control my anger and I've been getting angry at things my family do/say. Do you have any practical tips for overcoming my anger. Thanks again.

Reply 4

Idkwhattopick

13

Original post by hiÃ¬iiiiii

thank you for taking the time to reply
I'm not really allowed out by myself, so that's not an option. And you said not to react, well lately I've been struggling to control my anger and I've been getting angry at things my family do/say. Do you have any practical tips for overcoming my anger. Thanks again.

Anger is a big then my darling. We must try and stop overreacting and acting out in anger. This is because when you are angry, you say and do things you will regret later. This is just a fact unfortunately. I used to struggle so much with anger but due to my religion I stopped. But for you I’d recommend just going up to your room, or blocking your feelings by going online on your phone. There’s hundreds of things you can do to put your anger elsewhere. The best way for me to deal with anger is when everyone’s sleep and cry😝 if your angry go lie down sister or sit down. Watch a movie just try’s no distract your anger. And there is no way I am saying to ignore your feelings I’m saying let them out but not at other people if that makes sense. I do this because in the Quran (my holy book) is states “When they get angry, they forgive. [Surah Al-Shurah:37] and for me this says allot! Anger is a completely normal, usually healthy, human emotion. But when it gets out of control and turns destructive, it can lead to problems—problems at work, in your personal relationships, and in the overall quality of your life. I hope this helps 🩷🩷🩷

Reply 5

Dianax82

5

Original post by hiÃ¬iiiiii

thank you for taking the time to reply
I'm not really allowed out by myself, so that's not an option. And you said not to react, well lately I've been struggling to control my anger and I've been getting angry at things my family do/say. Do you have any practical tips for overcoming my anger. Thanks again.

Hi sweet,

I developed PTSD bipolar as a result of abuse so I completely understand the struggles with aggression and feeling angry.You're completely right to feel this way considering all that they do to you.
I would start by validating yourself and knowing that none of this is your fault and that you no matter what you do nasty people will remain nasty. Focus on yourself and if possible find time to do things that are calming like yoga as long as you've got arm space you can do a few different stretches. It's not about avoiding anger or berating yourself, it's incredibly important to validate and seek what comforts you , I do not recommend blocking your feelings as this would lead them to bubble up and resurface in times of anger or distress, validate yourself by telling yourself a few mantras and make sure you say to yourselves that it isn't your fault or your job to make them happy then do distracting things that make you comfortable. You are your top priority because almost no one will put you above themselves. Please feel free to reach out and stay safe xx

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

Look into the Grey Rock method.

Reply 7

hiÃ¬iiiiii

OP

13

Original post by Dianax82

Hi sweet,

I developed PTSD bipolar as a result of abuse so I completely understand the struggles with aggression and feeling angry.You're completely right to feel this way considering all that they do to you.
I would start by validating yourself and knowing that none of this is your fault and that you no matter what you do nasty people will remain nasty. Focus on yourself and if possible find time to do things that are calming like yoga as long as you've got arm space you can do a few different stretches. It's not about avoiding anger or berating yourself, it's incredibly important to validate and seek what comforts you , I do not recommend blocking your feelings as this would lead them to bubble up and resurface in times of anger or distress, validate yourself by telling yourself a few mantras and make sure you say to yourselves that it isn't your fault or your job to make them happy then do distracting things that make you comfortable. You are your top priority because almost no one will put you above themselves. Please feel free to reach out and stay safe xx

I hope that you are in a better place now and are in the process of healing. Thank you for the tips.

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