Going into uni with basically no home friends

I recently lost my best friend due to a huge falling out, I know this is only one person but throughout sixth form I kinda put all my eggs in one basket with her and she had links to other people who we met up with. Since loosing her I’m left with no secondary school friends (I had 2 main ones who I chose to stop speaking to a couple years ago) and college friends (was mainly her). The friends I had connected to her I now don’t see because it was more like I’d meet them in a group with my now ex best friend and wasn’t close enough to meet 1 on 1. Through the loss of one friendship I’ve lost an entire network.

Soon I’ll be going to uni, which is a new start to make friends, however I’m a little worried about not having people from my home town as a support system and what I’ll do when I go home in holidays without people to see. Everyone’s doing send off meet ups before they all go to uni but I’m not invited to them and don’t really have anyone to say goodbye to. I also suffer from bad anxiety so not having friends from where I live makes me have a bit of an identity crisis and detachment which makes me feel uncomfortable recently.

Would you say it’s unusual for your friendship circle to be people at uni? I know I haven’t gone yet but I’m assuming I’ll make new friends. I see people talk about how much they miss their home friends and uni is lonely which makes me scared when I don’t even have that. Even small things like putting photos of friends up in my uni room I can’t do because I’m no longer friends with anyone I have photos with.

Just looking for advice and/or reassurance really

Reply 1

artful_lounger

Universities Forum Helper

It's normal for your friendship circle to be wherever you are in life.

At school I had school friends. At uni I had uni friends. After uni I had other friends (some people make work friends although I tend to keep my work and personal life separate to the greatest extent possible, personally). It's normal to make friends based on your current situation and for your older friendships to often end up fading away.

That doesn't also mean you can't catch up with friends from before - I reconnected with a school friend for a while over COVID - but it's just what works then and there.

Reply 2

kiremio

not any help but i'm in the exact same situation rn- i literally had to check it wasn't me who wrote this post lol. only difference is i'm on a gap year.

how did things work out for you?

(edited 3 weeks ago)

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

Original post by kiremio

not any help but i'm in the exact same situation rn- i literally had to check it wasn't me who wrote this post lol. only difference is i'm on a gap year.
how did things work out for you?

It’s still pretty hard Sometimes, me and my bf broke up and I would spend most of my time at home with him but now I don’t have that. I have people to see but not close with any of them. However, I find that I have fun times at uni so when I’m home I don’t mind having a break from socialising as much.

Reply 4

HEXNGRUS

Original post by Anonymous

I recently lost my best friend due to a huge falling out, I know this is only one person but throughout sixth form I kinda put all my eggs in one basket with her and she had links to other people who we met up with. Since loosing her I’m left with no secondary school friends (I had 2 main ones who I chose to stop speaking to a couple years ago) and college friends (was mainly her). The friends I had connected to her I now don’t see because it was more like I’d meet them in a group with my now ex best friend and wasn’t close enough to meet 1 on 1. Through the loss of one friendship I’ve lost an entire network.
Soon I’ll be going to uni, which is a new start to make friends, however I’m a little worried about not having people from my home town as a support system and what I’ll do when I go home in holidays without people to see. Everyone’s doing send off meet ups before they all go to uni but I’m not invited to them and don’t really have anyone to say goodbye to. I also suffer from bad anxiety so not having friends from where I live makes me have a bit of an identity crisis and detachment which makes me feel uncomfortable recently.
Would you say it’s unusual for your friendship circle to be people at uni? I know I haven’t gone yet but I’m assuming I’ll make new friends. I see people talk about how much they miss their home friends and uni is lonely which makes me scared when I don’t even have that. Even small things like putting photos of friends up in my uni room I can’t do because I’m no longer friends with anyone I have photos with.
Just looking for advice and/or reassurance really

Im in year 13 and dont really have many freinds either (lots of people i 'talk to' but i wouldnt call them friends). My main friend is doing a gap year next year so she wont be as financially dependent on her parents, and then me and my twin are both going away from home. (My choices - either an hour away or 3.5, my twin - three for either choice).

I know that its difficult to think that you're going to have nobody. I am worried about that too, but you'll become friendly with people on your course or similar courses. You'll be able to be friendly with people in your accommodation, unless you get a studio, which i wouldn't recommend if you're worried about not talking to people. You have 3+ years to become friendly with people. Any placements, volunteering, part-time work or internships can also help widen your social circle, even if its just people you're able to talk with. Whilst its good to have that support network, depending on the length of your course and your relationships with your family, you might just want to spend your breaks with them, or be working.

you don't go to uni for friends, and whilst they can make the experience easier, don't be too concerned if you don't have 100 straight away.

Hope this helps (: