The Student Room Group

sad at uni

i don’t really know where to start this. i’m not sure if uni is right for me. im in my first year and have been in york for uni since september and i just hate it. i hate the course, i hate york in general, i hate it all. i’ve made some quite good friends however sometimes i feel like i value them more than they value me. i also don’t have much of a relationship with the people in my flat which can get very lonely and all i really do is sit in my room. i generally just feel so negative about uni however i hate going home as being at home reminds me of some very dark times in my life and i have no friends at home so i just get really lonely.
i feel like the only person who feels like this at uni, even tho i know im probably not. it’s really starting to take a toll on my mental health and i don’t know what i can do about it. i feel like i’m completely lost and wasting my time and wasting my life doing something that i just hate
(edited 1 month ago)
Really sorry to hear this!
I think the first thing to say is you're not alone, I can guarantee that. The thing with university is people who are feeling lonely/sad/unsettled are in most cases the people you won't see very often because they'll prefer to stay in their room.When it comes to school it's a bit different because you have to attend everything whether you're comfortable/lonely or not. I think it's also harder to find the friends who are absolutely right for you, even though there's a lot more people to choose from, as it were, because there are less occasions when you are forced to make conversation. Like you won't be doing much talking in lectures and wont have to find someone to have lunch with in the canteen at university.
But it does sound like you're struggling with more than just loneliness. I suppose what's worth thinking about is whether loneliness is causing you to also feel like York is a horrible place and your course isn't good, or whether maybe not liking York is causing you to not enjoy your course, or if not enjoying your course is causing you to be lonely etc... etc... So basically if you hate everything at university or if theres something in particular you dislike which is making everything else feel bad, if you get what I mean. That could perhaps help you identify what could be done to make you feel better. If you would like to talk about this more please feel free to DM me, I'm in third year now but had a really rough first year so I can relate to what you're going through. What you can maybe take heart from is over time things have got a lot better for me and I really feel at home here now
(edited 1 month ago)
Original post by l1vgr4ce
i don’t really know where to start this. i’m not sure if uni is right for me. im in my first year and have been in york for uni since september and i just hate it. i hate the course, i hate york in general, i hate it all. i’ve made some quite good friends however sometimes i feel like i value them more than they value me. i also don’t have much of a relationship with the people in my flat which can get very lonely and all i really do is sit in my room. i generally just feel so negative about uni however i hate going home as being at home reminds me of some very dark times in my life and i have no friends at home so i just get really lonely.
i feel like the only person who feels like this at uni, even tho i know im probably not. it’s really starting to take a toll on my mental health and i don’t know what i can do about it. i feel like i’m completely lost and wasting my time and wasting my life doing something that i just hate
hey! im also a first year at york and i've definitely felt like this a lot!! last week i was close to dropping out because i was so overwhelmed ☹️ i'd advise getting out of your room whether thats going to the city centre (take urself out on a solo date if u want!), or even just going around campus for a walk! as long as ur getting out and getting fresh air - this really helped me!
Original post by l1vgr4ce
i don’t really know where to start this. i’m not sure if uni is right for me. im in my first year and have been in york for uni since september and i just hate it. i hate the course, i hate york in general, i hate it all. i’ve made some quite good friends however sometimes i feel like i value them more than they value me. i also don’t have much of a relationship with the people in my flat which can get very lonely and all i really do is sit in my room. i generally just feel so negative about uni however i hate going home as being at home reminds me of some very dark times in my life and i have no friends at home so i just get really lonely.
i feel like the only person who feels like this at uni, even tho i know im probably not. it’s really starting to take a toll on my mental health and i don’t know what i can do about it. i feel like i’m completely lost and wasting my time and wasting my life doing something that i just hate
Hi @l1vgr4ce,

By the many similar posts on student room, I can confidently say that you are not alone. Is there anyone at the university you can talk to about this? Such as the wellbeing team. They can help you explore what is the problem. As one of the posts already mentioned it could be that loneliness is causing dissatisfaction with the course and place or vice versa. Have you joined societies? I know it is such general advice but they help meet new people and being around others improves your mental health.

Hristiana (Kingston rep)
1st year Mental Health Nursing BSc
Not at York but in the same position, I think this is a common occurrence for many :frown: but universities don’t seem to take into account how difficult settling into university is difficult for some students.
Original post by jamiet0185
Really sorry to hear this!
I think the first thing to say is you're not alone, I can guarantee that. The thing with university is people who are feeling lonely/sad/unsettled are in most cases the people you won't see very often because they'll prefer to stay in their room.When it comes to school it's a bit different because you have to attend everything whether you're comfortable/lonely or not. I think it's also harder to find the friends who are absolutely right for you, even though there's a lot more people to choose from, as it were, because there are less occasions when you are forced to make conversation. Like you won't be doing much talking in lectures and wont have to find someone to have lunch with in the canteen at university.
But it does sound like you're struggling with more than just loneliness. I suppose what's worth thinking about is whether loneliness is causing you to also feel like York is a horrible place and your course isn't good, or whether maybe not liking York is causing you to not enjoy your course, or if not enjoying your course is causing you to be lonely etc... etc... So basically if you hate everything at university or if theres something in particular you dislike which is making everything else feel bad, if you get what I mean. That could perhaps help you identify what could be done to make you feel better. If you would like to talk about this more please feel free to DM me, I'm in third year now but had a really rough first year so I can relate to what you're going through. What you can maybe take heart from is over time things have got a lot better for me and I really feel at home here now


How did your situation change if you don’t mind me asking?
Original post by l1vgr4ce
i don’t really know where to start this. i’m not sure if uni is right for me. im in my first year and have been in york for uni since september and i just hate it. i hate the course, i hate york in general, i hate it all. i’ve made some quite good friends however sometimes i feel like i value them more than they value me. i also don’t have much of a relationship with the people in my flat which can get very lonely and all i really do is sit in my room. i generally just feel so negative about uni however i hate going home as being at home reminds me of some very dark times in my life and i have no friends at home so i just get really lonely.
i feel like the only person who feels like this at uni, even tho i know im probably not. it’s really starting to take a toll on my mental health and i don’t know what i can do about it. i feel like i’m completely lost and wasting my time and wasting my life doing something that i just hate

Hello,

I saw your post and thought I'd pop you a response over. Firstly I am sorry to hear that you are not having the best of times at your University.

To give context to my post, I was at another institution before Salford and I was in the same boat to you, I was not a fan of the course I was on nor the location I was in, I did have some friends but again had similar relationships that you seem to have. The reason I am messaging is because I did end up dropping out of that institution, even though I knew I wanted to go to university and study, I had realised that I might not have gotten it right on my first try. This is perfectly ok.

Now I am not saying you should drop out as your first response, I did exhaust all avenues before making this decision. I firstly spoke to my peers/ friends, the ones that I knew at college just to see how their experience of University was going. I also then spoke to my family to discuss possibilities as they do know me quite well. I did also speak to my tutor at the time thinking she might take offense to me not enjoying my time, however she did not and was instead quite helpful with me. These are just three ideas that I would recommend you try to see if that doesn't help your experience.

I hope this helps,
Matt ~ University of Salford Rep
Reply 7
Original post by l1vgr4ce
i don’t really know where to start this. i’m not sure if uni is right for me. im in my first year and have been in york for uni since september and i just hate it. i hate the course, i hate york in general, i hate it all. i’ve made some quite good friends however sometimes i feel like i value them more than they value me. i also don’t have much of a relationship with the people in my flat which can get very lonely and all i really do is sit in my room. i generally just feel so negative about uni however i hate going home as being at home reminds me of some very dark times in my life and i have no friends at home so i just get really lonely.
i feel like the only person who feels like this at uni, even tho i know im probably not. it’s really starting to take a toll on my mental health and i don’t know what i can do about it. i feel like i’m completely lost and wasting my time and wasting my life doing something that i just hate
Hi lovely! I’m a current third year here at York and I felt the exact same way in first year! I didn’t get along with my flatmates and while I had people to go on nights out with, I remember seeing people with such huge groups of friends and being so jealous I didn’t have any actual connections with people. I ended up moving flats which was honestly so good for my mental health as I made actual friends. I promise you it does get better as I found I made most of my current friends in second year, but as someone from a major city I know exactly what it’s like to find York so boring and busy after the novelty had worn off. If you want to pop me a private message or go for a coffee feel free, I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way. I’d also recommend speaking to your college supervisor about how you’re feeling x
Original post by l1vgr4ce
i don’t really know where to start this. i’m not sure if uni is right for me. im in my first year and have been in york for uni since september and i just hate it. i hate the course, i hate york in general, i hate it all. i’ve made some quite good friends however sometimes i feel like i value them more than they value me. i also don’t have much of a relationship with the people in my flat which can get very lonely and all i really do is sit in my room. i generally just feel so negative about uni however i hate going home as being at home reminds me of some very dark times in my life and i have no friends at home so i just get really lonely.
i feel like the only person who feels like this at uni, even tho i know im probably not. it’s really starting to take a toll on my mental health and i don’t know what i can do about it. i feel like i’m completely lost and wasting my time and wasting my life doing something that i just hate
Hi there,

Can I ask how you feel about your course? Do you not enjoy that too, or is it just your circumstance?

I felt this a lot in my first and into my second years at uni. ways that I managed to get over it was travelling (and working part-time to afford it which got me socialising with different people) which made me feel less trapped and more like uni was a choice. Secondly, I began chatting to people on my course more and making friends, I started going to office hours occasionally to help me feel more connected to my course.

These things really worked for grounding me and making me feel grateful to be here. I hope that they work for you, but I think that you need to be interested in the content, so that's a good way to start to think about your next steps.

All the best,
Jaz - Cardiff student rep
Hi!

I'm sorry to hear that you aren't enjoying your time, feeling like you're wasting time is the worst! You've gotten through the darkest and coldest time of the year so well done for that, give yourself a pat on the back. As the rest of this academic year will go by quickly, you may find that second year is better for you! Do you have any plans to move in with friends yet?

However, as people have said above, sometimes if you really are unhappy with the city and uni, it is possible to change. I would encourage you to research now either way, so that if you do decide to change unis, you'll know what you like about a different city and know why you'd prefer another course to your current one. There's no harm in researching and even if you decide to stay and stick it out in York you'll know you looked into your options :smile:

I hope that helps and best of luck with everything!

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