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Feel dissatisfied with my boyfriend

I've been going out with my boyfriend for a year, and I'm 22. In some ways, we're very serious - we don't envisage us as having a non-serious relationship, and he seems to be happy with me and wants to stay with me for a long time. The trouble for me is that this is all inference. He refuses to ever make any sort of gesture of any grand emotion; he says he loves me "but not much", which makes me feel-second rate, and he never does anything out of the ordinary to show his affection. He has never got me flowers, not even on occasions like Valentine's Day, or anything like that. I know money isn't everything, but I would just feel it was nice if he spent a small bit on me sometimes, whereas everything he does seems to be just trying to save as much as possible. This sounds bad, I know, and at first I thought his hand-made gifts were sweet, but when for Christmas all he did was cut out some photos that he had printed off the computer, it begins to feel like he's just being tight-fisted.

He refuses to make any gesture of his affection for me, either in words or action. Everything he does is moderate - he's not unaffectionate, since he kisses me and all that, but it is just more restrained than I would like the beginnings of what seems to be a serious relationship to be. The way he behaves doesn't seem to tie in with the impression he gives that he's committed to me. I'd like him to be more loving and less restrained in the way I'd like to be, but don't feel comfortable being when he is not. I've tried, but it's not very fun when he doesn't even think to respond.

Am I being over-demanding? Or do you think I should cut and run? Arghhh...

Reply 1

*Dreaming*

You should talk with him about it before you make any decisions, you're not really being over-demanding IMO

Reply 2

mistressselene

Your situation sounds like a less extreme one of this person's LOL....read if you will: http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?t=1582964&page=1

On a different note my own boyfriend does do the flowers/gifts thing for anyone; which is out of the norm but kind of a lifestyle choice so I accept it. I don't think you're being over-demanding...you're expecting things most women do in today's society. You may just have one of the few guys out there that doesn't like blowing money on his girlfriend. If you want a guy that's going to do that for you find someone else? Also have you ever "talked" to him about why he doesn't like to do those things and plays down your relationship? I realize Mars & Venus don't like to communicate/understand each other, but it's worth a shot right to see his perspective right? Good luck! =D

(edited 13 years ago)

Reply 3

Roo Bix

Saying 'I love you' to then say 'but not much' without it being a sarcastic reference? That's cold.

Speak to him about how you feel and that you would enjoy it if he made better attempts to show his affection and sentiment.

Reply 4

IGregg

Original post by Anonymous

he says he loves me "but not much"

Reply 5

Journeyzap

He doesn't sound very interested in the relationship - I would suggest seriously talking to him, to find out if he really feels anything for you, if he has economy problems, if he is being cheap with you because he "doesn't like you enough and don't think you deserve it"...

However, I have the feeling the conversation will probably end in him being dumped.