The Long Distance Relationship Society Advice Centre

Original post by Sazzy890

Haha, no problem at all, don't worry! :tongue:

Aww that's lovely though :h:

I don't think I'd want to go into too much detail like that with my man though as I don't want to scare him off :laugh:

I have mentioned a few times though about wanting to live closer. It's not that I'm living in the future but I don't want to be LDR forever and I do take our relationship seriously, I'd like to believe that we will still be together in a years time and thinking about cutting out the distance. :smile:

But yeah, as you say it's something to aim for, but I certainly don't want to focus on that *too* much as I want to live in the present as well, and enjoy our current time together :h:

I rememeber the first time myself and my partner had that conversation, we were in the bath together (a first for me) i was giving her a massage and we were both talking about children and marriage. We werent even a couple at the time. Well we were but i didnt know it. She'd made the decision and was just waiting for me to wake up to it lol.

Its not a scary thought with her (which in itself is very scary)

Reply 7321

Original post by Ciccina

Hii,

that sucks! :hugs:

Yes, it does feel unbearable...also, he's very laid back, so to say, he is usually very calm whatever happens, if we can't see each other he's fine with that...and now I'm starting to think that maybe he in reality is very comfortable with this situation as it is...he leads his life, spends his time how he wants, sees his friends, it's all very convenient. But where does that leave me?

Sorry guys, I'm really not at my best today. It's just he's been very lax these past days and I'm feeling let down :redface:

Give him a kick up the backside. Ok yes LDr has its advantages in terms of freedoms away from partners, room to breathe and all that but at the same time its harder than other relationships because of that and because you have to work so hard at it, dealing with the fact that you never see each other. The freedom is the double edged sword

Tell him your feeling very under appreciated and dont feel he makes enough of an effort with you.

Reply 7322

Original post by Ciccina

Hii,

that sucks! :hugs:

Yes, it does feel unbearable...also, he's very laid back, so to say, he is usually very calm whatever happens, if we can't see each other he's fine with that...and now I'm starting to think that maybe he in reality is very comfortable with this situation as it is...he leads his life, spends his time how he wants, sees his friends, it's all very convenient. But where does that leave me?

Sorry guys, I'm really not at my best today. It's just he's been very lax these past days and I'm feeling let down :redface:

Awww

I can understand why that would hurt if you think he isn't paying enough attention you/your relationship. As silverbolt says, LDR relationships are hard because the distance can get to you so it is important to let each other know how much you care about each other as often as possible and making the effort to see each other. Perhaps he appears calm on the outside but maybe it is getting to him too? Have you tried talking to him about it and seeing how he really feels about it all? I think it would be good to chat to him rather than bottling this all up otherwise it's just going to get to you and potentially to the relationship which is never a good thing. Be open and honest. And if he doesn't become more appreciative after that chat then perhaps you could consider how happy you are in the relationship.

Original post by silverbolt

Its five between when i last her and when i will next saw her, less that two weeks now, :biggrin:

then im over there for a week just before Easter

then its gonna be August unless i get over there for a weekend at somepoint as she wont have a passport as its getting renewed and that will take a few weeks.

Five weeks! I would die! It's really good that you're both so strong to get through that though :smile:

How long have you been together for?

This defiently. I have days where i miss her so much it hurts others where i just want to see her and others where just to get a text off her makes me bounce round the room.

but shes always on my mind, always there.

Awww, this is exactly how I feel :biggrin:

Reply 7323

caseyhayes

6

Original post by Ciccina

Hii,

that sucks! :hugs:

Yes, it does feel unbearable...also, he's very laid back, so to say, he is usually very calm whatever happens, if we can't see each other he's fine with that...and now I'm starting to think that maybe he in reality is very comfortable with this situation as it is...he leads his life, spends his time how he wants, sees his friends, it's all very convenient. But where does that leave me?

Sorry guys, I'm really not at my best today. It's just he's been very lax these past days and I'm feeling let down :redface:

You really don't need to be sorry!! You're dealing with a lot more than most and clearly you both CAN because you've done so for so long..
Just maybe try a gentle word with him - he may not realise he's neglected you. Which, in itself, is a bit of an issue but will hopefully make him realise how important your relationship is.

Reply 7324

Original post by Sazzy890

Five weeks! I would die! It's really good that you're both so strong to get through that though :smile:

How long have you been together for?

Awww, this is exactly how I feel :biggrin:

how long we've been going out is questionable, we had one of those "girl on the platform" meeting moments, but she decided she wanted a relationship without actually informing me and just kinda let me figure it out on my own :biggrin:

Officially we've known each other since November been dating id say about a month but we'd become very close before then,

Reply 7325

Original post by silverbolt

how long we've been going out is questionable, we had one of those "girl on the platform" meeting moments, but she decided she wanted a relationship without actually informing me and just kinda let me figure it out on my own :biggrin:

Officially we've known each other since November been dating id say about a month but we'd become very close before then,

Aww so you mean you saw each other at a train station, your eyes met and it was all magical and stuff? :teeth:

Reply 7326

such_a_lady

16

Terrible mood swings this evening, feeling incredibly down, triggered by missing him, nothing has worked to cheer me up, horribly depressed.

Reply 7327

Original post by such_a_lady

Terrible mood swings this evening, feeling incredibly down, triggered by missing him, nothing has worked to cheer me up, horribly depressed.

Try to distract yourself... do some work (you'd be surprised how quick time flies when you're working hard), watch a chick flick, cook dinner, do some cleaning etc. Anything to distract yourself! :smile:

Can you message him to get him online and have a skype session?

Reply 7328

such_a_lady

16

Original post by Sazzy890

Try to distract yourself... do some work (you'd be surprised how quick time flies when you're working hard), watch a chick flick, cook dinner, do some cleaning etc. Anything to distract yourself! :smile:

Can you message him to get him online and have a skype session?

As in, actual depression where the lethargy prevents you from doing anything :/ I've been learning vocab for tomorrow. I didn't want to Skype because all that would happen is that I would end up crying my eyes out the entire time. We've just started talking on Facebook and it's clear he's busy. I didn't mean that I'm just sad that he's not here, I meant depression and genuine mood swings that just sap your energy and prevent you from even taking enjoyment in your favourite music.

Thankyou for your help though xxx

Reply 7329

Original post by Sazzy890

Aww so you mean you saw each other at a train station, your eyes met and it was all magical and stuff? :teeth:

nope in a nightclub. We met when i went home to IReland to look after my gran who was ill. The way it worked was i was meant to go out with some of my friends but they never showed, so i went to a different pub just to see who was out. I reandomly bumped into another of my old friends who had also randomly invited ths girl to come out at well.

We chatted a little bit that nigh but there was something there i liked her. I gave her my number and said text me if youd like to meet for coffee. She text me about twenty minutes later to say she was home. Next day she text me saying she'd like to go for coffee but only as friends. I agreed seeing as i was in the dying days of a relatonship (really was dying as i found out about a month later when i caught her cheating) i wasnt about to do anything anyway. That coffee lead to three games of pool, a meal in a chinese resturant and a few gamse of bowling. We also met up twice more whilst i was over. We stayedin contact throught everything. When y relationship with my ex ended we got even closer.

THen we started dating. Ive fallen for her hard heavy and fast, shes simply wonderful and i cant beleive my luck. She feels the same.

Course me living in England and her back home isnt the most ideal but were working on it

So yeah girl on platform moment.

Reply 7330

Anonymous #373

ARGFH. Kind of just a rant but anyway

First chance I had to speak to my boyfriend in over a week for more than 10 minutes and he interupts after 20 telling me he was going out clubbing. When I let him know this upset me*
he had a massive tantrum at himself me about how frustrated he is with his behaviour and he hates letting me down..then he said bye and left, so he still went out? I just don't get why he can be frustrated at his own behaviour but still do it- he could of easily not went out or even met his friends out a bit later.

*Along with other things- him still not booking a ticket to see me (for the third time.. compared to my 6 visits), him still not paying half the ticket of me seeing him, him not sending my valentines card that got lost in the post, etc. etc. I know he's just a forgetful person but I just do feel put out by these things especially as I made a big effort to send a card and present for our anniversary in two days.

I just don't know what to do- I know he loves me but his behaviour (not malicious) can make me sad :frown:

and I'm dearly worried about his financial situation again but I need to not mother him/make him feel bad but it just worries me about him getting in to trouble :frown:

Reply 7331

Anonymous #423

I have been in a long distance relationship now since last July.

Everything has been going fine, me and my boyfriend text every day and never seem to run out of things to talk about.

Like most people in LDR's I miss my boyfriend terribly when we are apart, especially as we often go 2 months without seeing one another. He lives 5 hours away from me with but work/university commitments, arranging visits is difficult! I often have to do the arranging/planning/booking of hotels which is becoming a little tiresome as I feel I always have to bug to get days off work and the like sorted.

Lately, i feel like just texting my boyfriend isnt enough. I hate the fact we cant do anything together. He has a very active social life back home whereas I feel like I just study and work which isnt helping. I'm worried we're growing apart even though this is the absolute last thing I want to happen. I'm scared the distance is becoming too much and he will break up with me.

I dont know if im being irrational/over dramatic in thinking this. The constant 7-8 week wait between seeing one another is becoming increasingly tiresome but I know I love him enough to continue with it.

I was just wondering if anyone feels the same. All of my friends boyfriends live in the same town so they dont often understand what i'm going through.

Reply 7332

caseyhayes

6

Original post by Anonymous

I have been in a long distance relationship now since last July.

Everything has been going fine, me and my boyfriend text every day and never seem to run out of things to talk about.

Like most people in LDR's I miss my boyfriend terribly when we are apart, especially as we often go 2 months without seeing one another. He lives 5 hours away from me with but work/university commitments, arranging visits is difficult! I often have to do the arranging/planning/booking of hotels which is becoming a little tiresome as I feel I always have to bug to get days off work and the like sorted.

Lately, i feel like just texting my boyfriend isnt enough. I hate the fact we cant do anything together. He has a very active social life back home whereas I feel like I just study and work which isnt helping. I'm worried we're growing apart even though this is the absolute last thing I want to happen. I'm scared the distance is becoming too much and he will break up with me.

I dont know if im being irrational/over dramatic in thinking this. The constant 7-8 week wait between seeing one another is becoming increasingly tiresome but I know I love him enough to continue with it.

I was just wondering if anyone feels the same. All of my friends boyfriends live in the same town so they dont often understand what i'm going through.

Can you arrange to see him a little more often? I understand 5 hours is a long time but since you mentioned hotels are you meeting in the middle somewhere? 2.5 hrs is much more manageable.

It sounds like you should explain to him that he needs to make more effort organising time to see you - he may have just got used to the fact that you will do it!

Also instead of just texting try longer phone calls or Skype? It's a much better way to feel involved in your other half's life :smile:

Reply 7333

caseyhayes

6

Original post by Anonymous

ARGFH. Kind of just a rant but anyway

First chance I had to speak to my boyfriend in over a week for more than 10 minutes and he interupts after 20 telling me he was going out clubbing. When I let him know this upset me*
he had a massive tantrum at himself me about how frustrated he is with his behaviour and he hates letting me down..then he said bye and left, so he still went out? I just don't get why he can be frustrated at his own behaviour but still do it- he could of easily not went out or even met his friends out a bit later.

*Along with other things- him still not booking a ticket to see me (for the third time.. compared to my 6 visits), him still not paying half the ticket of me seeing him, him not sending my valentines card that got lost in the post, etc. etc. I know he's just a forgetful person but I just do feel put out by these things especially as I made a big effort to send a card and present for our anniversary in two days.

I just don't know what to do- I know he loves me but his behaviour (not malicious) can make me sad :frown:

and I'm dearly worried about his financial situation again but I need to not mother him/make him feel bad but it just worries me about him getting in to trouble :frown:

This is hard because it sounds like you need to give him a general kick-up the backside chat that you're feeling neglected. Just try to do so nicely and calmly without blaming him but explaining how you're feeling.

So you've been to see him 6 times and he's not come to see you once? Doesn't sound like a very fair split at all...

Reply 7334

Anonymous #404

Hi everyone! I have been in an ldr since september and we had previously been going out 2 1/2 years. Ive found it one of the most difficult things ever! Before we would see each other everyday and pretty much lived with each other, now we see each other every 1-2 weeks (which I know it doesn't seem bad compared to others but is difficult for me) This last week (i'm due on soon, so feel this may have something to do with it) and during exam week, I was having doubts thinking I cannot manage and that we should split up. However, I know in the back on my mind this is the last thing I want as I honestly love him. I have such an amazing time when I'm with him then when he leaves I go downhill. Some weeks I'm fine but weeks like this I feel like giving up! It's hard as well as we have been together since we are 15 and I know some people think it will never work (being together forever) but that is honestly what I want, yet during these weeks I think what if they are right? what if he dumps me? I really need a way to think clearly during these weeks, and wondered if other people experience the same thing?
Another thing is last semester I had the idea we would be living together in third year, however during exam week he seemed relaxed and somewhat 'lazy' and now has his results and they are that good. Therefore, my perception of when I though our ldr would end has changed as I am not certain about whether he will be able to get a placement in third year to live with me!
I feel like this week I have lost feelings for everything, not just him, my family etc and university work etc (kind of a once a month depression) yet they get me so bad everytime!

Reply 7335

Anonymous #373

Original post by caseyhayes

This is hard because it sounds like you need to give him a general kick-up the backside chat that you're feeling neglected. Just try to do so nicely and calmly without blaming him but explaining how you're feeling.

So you've been to see him 6 times and he's not come to see you once? Doesn't sound like a very fair split at all...

I have done so in the past and I did try to do that last night but he just gets very angry and upset with himself rather than trying to have a conversation then I feel bad because he gets so unhappy and physically gets in a bad state so I apologise and usually nowt gets done *sigh*

He's been to see me for one evening, one afternoon and this will be the first time he's stayed for over 12 hours :frown:

It's not fair- there are some practical reasons that I come to his more but I still organise everything and I have to badger him about the practicalities of coming to see me i.e booking tickets, getting english money. My problem is that I'm a bit of a control freak, I like to get things done as soon as I can so when he leaves it till last minute to arrange anything about him seeing/speaking to me I will infer that he's not caring so much, even if it is just his personality :frown:

Reply 7336

Original post by such_a_lady

As in, actual depression where the lethargy prevents you from doing anything :/ I've been learning vocab for tomorrow. I didn't want to Skype because all that would happen is that I would end up crying my eyes out the entire time. We've just started talking on Facebook and it's clear he's busy. I didn't mean that I'm just sad that he's not here, I meant depression and genuine mood swings that just sap your energy and prevent you from even taking enjoyment in your favourite music.

Thankyou for your help though xxx

Awww, I hope you're feeling happier today :sad:

I think you really need to talk to someone, not least your boyfriend as it's not healthy bottling this all up inside.

Original post by silverbolt

nope in a nightclub. We met when i went home to IReland to look after my gran who was ill. The way it worked was i was meant to go out with some of my friends but they never showed, so i went to a different pub just to see who was out. I reandomly bumped into another of my old friends who had also randomly invited ths girl to come out at well.

We chatted a little bit that nigh but there was something there i liked her. I gave her my number and said text me if youd like to meet for coffee. She text me about twenty minutes later to say she was home. Next day she text me saying she'd like to go for coffee but only as friends. I agreed seeing as i was in the dying days of a relatonship (really was dying as i found out about a month later when i caught her cheating) i wasnt about to do anything anyway. That coffee lead to three games of pool, a meal in a chinese resturant and a few gamse of bowling. We also met up twice more whilst i was over. We stayedin contact throught everything. When y relationship with my ex ended we got even closer.

THen we started dating. Ive fallen for her hard heavy and fast, shes simply wonderful and i cant beleive my luck. She feels the same.

Course me living in England and her back home isnt the most ideal but were working on it

So yeah girl on platform moment.

Awww that's such a lovely story :smile:

When I met my boyfriend I wasn't even looking to be in a relationship but as soon as I saw him I was like :daydreaming:

Reply 7337