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The Long Distance Relationship Society Advice Centre

hi, sorry for butting in here ... I just have a quick question about long distance relationships and how well they work!

I have been with my boyfriend now for 4 and a half years, we have both just graduated from uni and now he is hoping to get a job in London. I am poor and probably won't be able to move down for a fair while, so he thinks we should break up because a long distance relationship would be too painful for us! Just wondering what peoples opinions are having been in them about how much hard work and stuff they are, and how often they actually work?

Sorry that was quite all over the place but hope it made sense! Thanks

Don't think anyone's going to tell you its easy. It gets lonely and the lack of intimacy can be frustrating, so you need to weigh up whether or not this relationships is worth the effort,do you see it being a long term thing etc.

You also need to talk with your partner about it, as it requires totally commitment, honesty and trust between the two of you or it wont work. If one is worried that the other is sleeping around, it will drive you crazy. so you need to be able to tell your partner about your fears and thoughts.

I personally think a lot of people can't handle an LDR, too much temptation to cheat or get bored etc. However if your both strong, loyal and honest it can work and you cherish those moments that you get to spend together rather than take them for grated.

Reply 8261

silverbolt

19

Original post by Sazzy890

So does that mean the end of the long distance? :woo:

oh yeah

Reply 8262

TheBambiHeart

Original post by Phoenix07

hi, sorry for butting in here ... I just have a quick question about long distance relationships and how well they work!

I have been with my boyfriend now for 4 and a half years, we have both just graduated from uni and now he is hoping to get a job in London. I am poor and probably won't be able to move down for a fair while, so he thinks we should break up because a long distance relationship would be too painful for us! Just wondering what peoples opinions are having been in them about how much hard work and stuff they are, and how often they actually work?

Sorry that was quite all over the place but hope it made sense! Thanks

I don't see why he wants to break up without even trying it...but that's not for me to judge obviously. Yes, it can be absolutely horrible but when you're back together again it's literally the best day of your life (at least it is for me xD). What are your views on it? I don't want to say anything bad so I hope I haven't :smile:

Do you think you want to break up with him before it happens or do you think you could make it? :smile:

In hours how far away would you be?

This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App

Reply 8263

Sazzy890

18

Original post by silverbolt

oh yeah

Woohoo! Congratulations, that's fantastic news :biggrin:

Reply 8264

ktlaurenroe

13

Boyfriend's going to a festival and won't be back home until Monday - since he doesn't have a phone atm we won't be able to talk until then... we just finished skyping so I'm quite sad now! Obviously even if he did have a phone we wouldn't be talking very much, I'd rather he be out enjoying the festival than texting me :tongue:

but it's still a bit meh knowing I can't talk to him at all for like 4 days :sad:

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 8265

caseyhayes

6

Original post by ktlaurenroe

Boyfriend's going to a festival and won't be back home until Monday - since he doesn't have a phone atm we won't be able to talk until then... we just finished skyping so I'm quite sad now! Obviously even if he did have a phone we wouldn't be talking very much, I'd rather he be out enjoying the festival than texting me :tongue:

but it's still a bit meh knowing I can't talk to him at all for like 4 days :sad:

Good that you want him to go enjoy yourself though, hang in there and have fun!! Bet he will miss you lots anyway!

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 8266

Fae

Hi

I'm in a long distance relationship and have been for over two years, but recently every time I've been away from my boyfriend I've felt like I have no connection to him and can barely find anything to talk about - however when we're together everything seems okay. I'm seeing him soon and I don't know whether to break up because I really don't feel any love any more when we're apart and I am just tired of the situation, but I don't know if it'll come back when I see him. Is this normal? Does anyone have any advice? I would hate to hurt him but I don't know what to do.

Thanks :smile:

Reply 8267

ktlaurenroe

13

Original post by caseyhayes

Good that you want him to go enjoy yourself though, hang in there and have fun!! Bet he will miss you lots anyway!

Yeah, I'm glad he's gonna have an amazing time and everything :redface:

I'm just gonna have a lazy few days distracting myself by watching a lot of TV/films :ninja:

Reply 8268

silverbolt

19

Original post by Fae

Hi

I'm in a long distance relationship and have been for over two years, but recently every time I've been away from my boyfriend I've felt like I have no connection to him and can barely find anything to talk about - however when we're together everything seems okay. I'm seeing him soon and I don't know whether to break up because I really don't feel any love any more when we're apart and I am just tired of the situation, but I don't know if it'll come back when I see him. Is this normal? Does anyone have any advice? I would hate to hurt him but I don't know what to do.

Thanks :smile:

only you can really answer that im afraid, but if you are feeling that your falling out of love with him, you need to find out why? Because you might not be, it might be external factors or the stress of the LDR or other things in your life that are drowning him out. You dont have to miss him every day all day to be in love with him.

How do you feel about seeing him soon? Excited? Indifferent? Nervous?

Reply 8269

silverbolt

19

Original post by ktlaurenroe

Yeah, I'm glad he's gonna have an amazing time and everything :redface:

I'm just gonna have a lazy few days distracting myself by watching a lot of TV/films :ninja:

An excellent plan - or if the weather stays nice - get a killer tan and really show him what hes missed out on the last four days :wink:

Reply 8270

Fae

Original post by silverbolt

only you can really answer that im afraid, but if you are feeling that your falling out of love with him, you need to find out why? Because you might not be, it might be external factors or the stress of the LDR or other things in your life that are drowning him out. You dont have to miss him every day all day to be in love with him.

How do you feel about seeing him soon? Excited? Indifferent? Nervous?

I feel kind of scared actually , but I'm usually quite nervous. I just feel i don't really want to go bu I guess it'll only get sorted out if I go...

Reply 8271

ktlaurenroe

13

Original post by silverbolt

An excellent plan - or if the weather stays nice - get a killer tan and really show him what hes missed out on the last four days :wink:

Haha we wouldn't have been together this weekend anyway!

I wish I could be there too tbh, would be much more fun than what I'm doing (i.e not all that much - my plan of doing nothing/watching tv is going amazingly :ninja:

). It's weird not having him here to talk to too, keep thinking of stuff I want to tell him and then realising I can't yet, oops :tongue:

Reply 8272

Clurston

Oh hi! I'm not sure if this is the place to be posting or not, should I be adding to this super long thread? I came across TSR again (s' been years!) while googling long distance relationships (as you do).

I've just finished university, and will be moving away on placement for a year in September. The boy and I have been together nearly a year now, and have been best friends since my first year here. He's a little older than me, I met him through church rather than at university. We see each other most days here, and I'm a bit terrified about not seeing him every day (I'll be living about an hour away but we'll both be full-time, and I'll have placement stuff to do some weekends) and that I might just turn into a massive blubbering mess.

So umm... help? :s-smilie:

C xx

Reply 8273

NihilisticMystics

13

Entered an LDR for the summer, as we're a uni couple. I'm starting to really appreciate that I have him around most of the time, we're so much luckier than so many others.
He's just gone off travelling for a bit, and even though I want him to have the most amazing time I have to admit I'm feeling really down. I can't get in touch with him and he said he'd call today at some point before his flight. He didn't get in touch in the end but I'm not annoyed- check in can be really hectic. Just a bit gutted because I won't hear his voice for about a month (thank goodness it's only a month!) and Im starting to feel like I should have sent a 'hope you have a safe journey' text but instead just passively waited on his call, which is really rubbish of me.
I feel so sad, it's awful. I know it's made worse by the fact that I'm at my uni house for another 3 weeks by myself due to having shifts, and it will get a bit better when I see my friends and family. But even if I keep myself busy I can't stop feeling like this. Also, and this sounds awful, a part of me is terrified he'll have such a good time and kind of just... get over me? Especially because I simply lost feelings for my ex (while we were still together) with the excitement of coming to uni.

Sorry, I know I'm in a relatively fortunate position and there's people who have it so much worse, but I've not had anyone to speak to all day and just needed to offload. Not even looking for sympathy really, literally just wanted to be able to share with somebody.

Reply 8274

such_a_lady

16

Original post by NihilisticMystics

Entered an LDR for the summer, as we're a uni couple. I'm starting to really appreciate that I have him around most of the time, we're so much luckier than so many others.
He's just gone off travelling for a bit, and even though I want him to have the most amazing time I have to admit I'm feeling really down. I can't get in touch with him and he said he'd call today at some point before his flight. He didn't get in touch in the end but I'm not annoyed- check in can be really hectic. Just a bit gutted because I won't hear his voice for about a month (thank goodness it's only a month!) and Im starting to feel like I should have sent a 'hope you have a safe journey' text but instead just passively waited on his call, which is really rubbish of me.
I feel so sad, it's awful. I know it's made worse by the fact that I'm at my uni house for another 3 weeks by myself due to having shifts, and it will get a bit better when I see my friends and family. But even if I keep myself busy I can't stop feeling like this. Also, and this sounds awful, a part of me is terrified he'll have such a good time and kind of just... get over me? Especially because I simply lost feelings for my ex (while we were still together) with the excitement of coming to uni.

Sorry, I know I'm in a relatively fortunate position and there's people who have it so much worse, but I've not had anyone to speak to all day and just needed to offload. Not even looking for sympathy really, literally just wanted to be able to share with somebody.

PMing you

This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App

Reply 8275

ct2k7

13

I feel ultimately dead. I am now emotionless.

Reply 8276

such_a_lady

16

Original post by ct2k7

I feel ultimately dead. I am now emotionless.

????

This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App

Reply 8277

ct2k7

13

Original post by such_a_lady

????

This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App

It has now officially been one month and 2 days since we last chatted.

Reply 8278

22KT22

15

Original post by NihilisticMystics

Entered an LDR for the summer, as we're a uni couple. I'm starting to really appreciate that I have him around most of the time, we're so much luckier than so many others.
He's just gone off travelling for a bit, and even though I want him to have the most amazing time I have to admit I'm feeling really down. I can't get in touch with him and he said he'd call today at some point before his flight. He didn't get in touch in the end but I'm not annoyed- check in can be really hectic. Just a bit gutted because I won't hear his voice for about a month (thank goodness it's only a month!) and Im starting to feel like I should have sent a 'hope you have a safe journey' text but instead just passively waited on his call, which is really rubbish of me.
I feel so sad, it's awful. I know it's made worse by the fact that I'm at my uni house for another 3 weeks by myself due to having shifts, and it will get a bit better when I see my friends and family. But even if I keep myself busy I can't stop feeling like this. Also, and this sounds awful, a part of me is terrified he'll have such a good time and kind of just... get over me? Especially because I simply lost feelings for my ex (while we were still together) with the excitement of coming to uni.

Sorry, I know I'm in a relatively fortunate position and there's people who have it so much worse, but I've not had anyone to speak to all day and just needed to offload. Not even looking for sympathy really, literally just wanted to be able to share with somebody.

I had a similar experience on my gap year, the boy went abroad for the year and I stayed at home working to earn money for uni. My advice is to firstly write him little letters and not send them but give them to him when he gets back as its a nice little momento for him and allows you to speak to him of sorts even when you wont be able to hear from him. Is there no chance of a quick email?

Also my other advice is to keep busy.. even if it's taking up a new hobby or reading a book anything to keep you busy. I know how much harder it is when your friends aren't around but I started swimming lessons which helped me to keep busy. But even little things like cross-stitching can help.

And of course feel free to post in both the advice thread and the chat thread, I'll be honest I'd never have got through my LDR without it.

Reply 8279

22KT22

15

Original post by Clurston

Oh hi! I'm not sure if this is the place to be posting or not, should I be adding to this super long thread? I came across TSR again (s' been years!) while googling long distance relationships (as you do).

I've just finished university, and will be moving away on placement for a year in September. The boy and I have been together nearly a year now, and have been best friends since my first year here. He's a little older than me, I met him through church rather than at university. We see each other most days here, and I'm a bit terrified about not seeing him every day (I'll be living about an hour away but we'll both be full-time, and I'll have placement stuff to do some weekends) and that I might just turn into a massive blubbering mess.

So umm... help? :s-smilie:

Of course you can post here, its what its here for, as is the chat thread as well.

My main tips is to firstly keep busy which tbh your placement will help with, to keep your mind off missing him.

make time to talk; this doesn't have to be everyday as every couple has their own rhythms but make time to have a proper convo either on the phone or skype (love skype so much!). I found fb/texting worked well most days and then a long skype date on the weekends when we both had more time.

Finally, plan when you're going to see each other in advance as it helps give you something to look forward to. Plus it means you can get cheaper transport.

Hope that helps.

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