It's fine not to want kids. I think people say it's too young to decide because they have known people who felt that way then changed their mind in their 30s or even 40s, I know plenty who have changed their minds. Personally I would never recommend getting sterilised to someone as young as 21. I would recommend being very careful in their choice of contraception then if they don't change their mind no harm done and if they do then they haven't had a procedure that would be difficult to reverse.

Reply 83

Pyratheon

Original post by Elissabeth

So what would you do if your partner accidentally got pregnant and insisted on keeping the baby?

I discuss things like this before I have sex with anyone. I make it very clear that I do not want to have children, which my partner is fine with. If my partner was 100% anti-abortion, for example, (which she isn't) I'd get a vasectomy.

Reply 84

Elissabeth

Original post by Pyratheon

Fair enough

Though its possible she could change her mind once pregnant

Reply 85

aspirinpharmacist

I want to be a mum more than I want to get married. I'm going to adopt if I'm not married/in a relationship with someone who wants children. I grew up with a little brother and sister and getting on with little kids is something I'm good at, when we visit cousins, friends of the family etc, I'll be the one playing with the children and my little sister will be the one chatting to the grown-ups :lol:

. The teenage phase will be a nightmare and I'll be tearing my hair out when they're a baby and I'm getting absolutely no sleep (might just skip that and try adopting a toddler), but I know I want to be a parent. Of course there's societal pressure to have children, that's how species survive. :lol:

My godfather's girlfriend was adamant for years that she didn't want children, so we were all really surprised when she got pregnant a few years ago, but she says she changed her mind when she was around 40 or so and they've got a son now, he's absolutely adorable. Plus I know my parents would spoil them rotten. But I want to make sure I can financially handle looking after a child first. I personally don't get how people can not love little children but I respect everyone's right not to have children if they don't want them, the world is overpopulated anyway at the moment so the whole reproduction issue isn't really relevant (despite what I said earlier, I was just trying to explain why that societal pressure's there). If you don't want children that's not a big deal as long as your partner doesn't want them either, otherwise it's never going to work.

I do see what people mean about children being a burden though, they can be restrictive. My mum admitted that having kids at the age she did (27 when I was born) was good in some ways because they're relatively young parents so they could still do all the energetic running around parks stuff with us but it would've been nice to do a few more thinks like travelling and stuff before I was born. Told my parents I plan to go interrailing this summer and they were like "Go!!" They want me to make the most of the opportunities I've got before I decide to become a parent. I reckon by the time I'm about 33 I'll be ready to look into the whole adoption thing, my career should hopefully be established by then so I could look after them properly, and hopefully after that I'd be able to adopt a few more, I want two or three kids ideally. Definitely no more than four, I want to be able to help pay them through university.

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 86

aspirinpharmacist

Original post by Dee Leigh

This.

It is a little bit selfish and there is not much guarantee that the kid will be there for you when you are frail.

But this is the reality. That is why a lot of people have kids. And yes, it does sound like a little bit like an investment/business arrangement/insurance.

Me and my parents jokingly made the deal that they'll help me at uni if I let them live in a little cottage in my back garden when they're old. They really don't want to be in a nursing home. So of course I'll do it when I'm older if I can even if they hadn't made that joke. I know that's not why they had me though, I was an "accident" :lol:

. Although my mum never calls me that, I agree with her that telling your child they were a mistake is an absolutely disgusting thing to do.

Reply 87

username418231

Original post by minthumbugs

My biological clock is ticking. I don't know, it's been expected of me because I come from a traditional family. Kids are part of that. As well as having a generally boring suburban life. I don't think I want that. But kids are cool. I'm not going to be winning any Nobel prizes so why not have children! There's something appealing about pushing babies through orifices and spending sleepless nights and hundreds of thousands of pounds raising them. My mum had my younger brother at 36 which is unusual for our family at least. I don't want them any time soon and I think if I was told I couldn't have kids, I'd be really upset.

What was the point of this post? I don't know :s-smilie:

What do you want?

Reply 88

pak1994

Original post by OL1V3R

I've been thinking about this recently and I am pretty adament that I do not want kids when I am older. I am pretty young, at the age of 21, but I can't see it ever being a possibility. For one thing, kids drive me nuts, especially when they always go out of their own way to be disobedient as exhibited in schools (people in my class always used to be disruptive when I was in school and it really peeved me off). The concept of potentially having to raise a child (if my future partner demands it) depresses me, because of the high level of commitment involved, the fact that it would give my life a more deterministic turn and my offspring taking over would be a further cynical reminder that my time on Earth is limited and finite. I can see raising a child a very financial and psychological drain on me as I am slightly autistic and experience moments of depression and anxiety, so raising a child would not benefit me in the slightest. I would want to be in complete control of my life and make sure I satisfy myself (by keeping fit, being in academia and playing music) and make sure I am stable rather than create a huge compromise in my life by meeting someone who desperately wants children (as most women seem to).

What annoys me even more, is that when I tell people I don't want kids (e.g. my parents, friends) they're like "You can't decide yet" or "The time will come when is right" but this annoys me because it implies that I'm being expected to have children or that my views simply aren't valid. Furthermore, I hate how there is generally a fair bit of pressure and expectation from society for people to have children, and to point it out when someone doesn't want them (similarly for settling down and getting married). It seems to imply that there is only one way to live.

I don't see what the fuss is about wanting to have kids and I think most people only have them because it's the "done thing" or because it is human nature to reproduce, so people just do it without fully thinking about why. I don't have a problem with what other people choose to do but I just can't see how it would benefit me, especially since many people my age are wanting to get engaged/married and have children and stuff, whereas I'm finishing my undergraduate degree next year and I barely feel like my life has even begun!

Then don't have children. If everyone had lots of children the earth would be even more populated than it already is. It's a person's own opinion as to whether they want to have children. You never know, in the future you might feel a sudden want, but you might not.
Personally, I have always wanted children. Why, I'm not that sure. Now that I'm older I definitely do. I have always enjoyed working with children, and there is something so innocent about them. My cousin has two daughters, and when we visit them we stay for about three weeks and used to look after them quite a lot, at least 3-5 hours a day. I still remember the first time I held his middle child, and she looked at me with such innocence and love. Children look at you to protect them, and there is just something about them that makes you feel like you would do anything for them. If I feel that for them (who I am very close to), how will I feel with my own child.

But, as I said, this is my opinion and what I want. There are plenty of other people who will never want to have children, and are perfectly happy with that.

Reply 89

pak1994

Original post by Dirac Delta Function

The only thing that worries me is that I have a daughter and she turns into a right little slut :frown:

Haha

Reply 90

Botticello

Ignore all those patronising bellends, they are just narrow minded sheep with no respect for the childfree. Just be yourself and prove them wrong.

Go on Childfree forums and youll find thousands who knew all their lives. I just can't get my head around why someone would want to go through all that immeasurable CRAP having children provides. Not worth it.
And fertility is a disease :wink:

Reply 91

minthumbugs

Original post by Dee Leigh

What do you want?

I think I do want kids, I've never considered not having any. Who knows, I might not be able to? However, I am 18 and don't think the will be an issue for another 10 years at least!

Reply 92

when she was 22

I never ever wanted kids, until a few months ago some crazy maternal instinct kicked in and I just became broody as hell. I know I'm romanticising it to death, but I love the idea of having a 'traditional' family with a husband and kids - I'd just love to bring up kids and hopefully be really close to them as they grow up. It might not happen, but oh well, it's nice to think about. Also, for whatever crazy reason I don't understand, for some reason my mind just likes the idea of me actually being pregnant. Crazy hormones.

Reply 93

Rum Ham

I really don't know why people want babies. I can't think of anything worse to happen to my life tbh :s-smilie:

Reply 94

That'sGreat

Humans have no pre decided meaning of life, we have to decide that ourselves. Sure, you can earn 200k a year, have a big house and a nice car, but you'll still return to an empty house with nobody to share it with except your wife, and the truth is, you will get bored of each other. Kids provide a meaning, an unconditional love that will give you the motivation to work harder and give them a great start to life. You can teach the child to read and walk and play sports, so when you retire you will have something to look at and say "I did that". Course, if you programmed the first manned rocket to Jupiter or if you found the cure for cancer, you have your meaning of life here, but for most, the only thi get that can come close is to have kids. And hey, if you do it right, maybe your kids will grow to be the one to cure cancer? Double whammy there!