Dating with kids help! 10 year age gap

So I’m 24 and my bf is 34 we’ve been together 2 years and we have a good settled relationship. I see him most weekends he sees his kids most weekends however they don’t stay over he sees them for the day on a Saturday then comes to get me for the weekend as we live an hour away from eecwhother.

I’ve never met his 3 kids and I don’t want to anytime soon. I want to get married in 5 years. I don’t think people should meet children until getting married. He and the babymum don’t speak. However he gets long with his kids grandma who he does a lot for.

I don’t understand but whenever his grandma needs a lift, needs to go airport or grocery shopping she calls my bf to come pick her or help her. I don’t understand why the babymum can’t do this stuff for her mum instead of having her babydad who she don’t speak to do this. I asked him and he said if the babymum was going to do it the grandma wouldn’t call him. I mean she hasn’t got an excuse it’s her mother she should help she also drives so I’m confused. One time I was with him and the grandma asked him to book her an Uber somewhere( she’s older and doesn’t use phones well) and he did for £40 and he said he helps the grandma because she does alot for his kids.

This puts me off and my family are so not like this they would never call him if he was my babydad who I don’t talk to.

Anyways what do I do and how should I feel about this? Isit normal the way I feel

Reply 1

StriderHort

21

Original post by Anonymous

I don’t think people should meet children until getting married.

Where did you pull that absolute walloper of an idea from? I can understand the idea of not being introduced to kids at once until things are a bit more serious, but this sounds complete made up and arbitrary?

So, er, what happens if/when you decide on marriage and get roundly rejected by the kids because you dismissed them completely and they don't have a scooby who this woman is trying to barge into their life full of presumptions? Between you, him, his kids and his ex family, you are likely the one who would be left behind with this stance.

Reply 2

Surnia

20

Original post by Anonymous

So I’m 24 and my bf is 34 we’ve been together 2 years and we have a good settled relationship.

Apart from when you want to break up with him?

https://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?t=7384163#post98706004

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by StriderHort

Where did you pull that absolute walloper of an idea from? I can understand the idea of not being introduced to kids at once until things are a bit more serious, but this sounds complete made up and arbitrary?

So, er, what happens if/when you decide on marriage and get roundly rejected by the kids because you dismissed them completely and they don't have a scooby who this woman is trying to barge into their life full of presumptions? Between you, him, his kids and his ex family, you are likely the one who would be left behind with this stance.

I don’t think you should judge what I want in life. I don’t want to meet his children yet. He hasn’t asked and I’m not ready it’s unnecessary right now. I don’t live with him I’m still in uni I don’t need children in my life right now

Reply 4

Zarek

21

It seems ok to me, former relationships with kids do come with on going commitments. Presumably she does a lot for his kids which he values and he likes her more than his ex wife

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by StriderHort

Where did you pull that absolute walloper of an idea from? I can understand the idea of not being introduced to kids at once until things are a bit more serious, but this sounds complete made up and arbitrary?

So, er, what happens if/when you decide on marriage and get roundly rejected by the kids because you dismissed them completely and they don't have a scooby who this woman is trying to barge into their life full of presumptions? Between you, him, his kids and his ex family, you are likely the one who would be left behind with this stance.

I mean he has 3 sons and by the time I want to get married they will be almost 18.

I mean you can’t force no one to like you. You can try but if they don’t that’s their opinion my bf likes me and that matters. Ofc when I have children they will bond with his child if the babymum allows but yeah. He isn’t bothered I guess because he hasn’t asked he keeps that life very seperate to me. Maybe also he respects his babymum and she wouldn’t want a girl meeting her kids

Reply 6

StriderHort

21

Original post by Anonymous

I don’t think you should judge what I want in life. I don’t want to meet his children yet. He hasn’t asked and I’m not ready it’s unnecessary right now. I don’t live with him I’m still in uni I don’t need children in my life right now

Don't post online asking whether people think things are normal if you don't want their judgements, jeez :redface:

Not wanting to yet is one thing, making up an arbitrary time based on a separate legal process just sounds weird, what if you don't get married, you'll never meet the kids?

But he'll care about his kids, his ex will presumably care about his kids, so don't be too surprised if they don't want for you and get back together, they'll be growing up, seen this play out many times.

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Zarek

It seems ok to me, former relationships with kids do come with on going commitments. Presumably she does a lot for his kids which he values and he likes her more than his ex wife

His babymum wasn’t his wife they didn’t get married. But yeah I mean I’m not that bothered by it but it does make me a bit confused because personally I wouldn’t allow a man who I don’t acknowledge to help out my mum I would do that myself. She also puts her kids to sleep at 6 is this normal? They’re 13,12,10

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by StriderHort

Don't post online asking whether people think things are normal if you don't want their judgements, jeez :redface:

Not wanting to yet is one thing, making up an arbitrary time based on a separate legal process just sounds weird, what if you don't get married, you'll never meet the kids?

But he'll care about his kids, his ex will presumably care about his kids, so don't be too surprised if they don't want for you and get back together, they'll be growing up, seen this play out many times.

Sorry didn’t mean to be rude. I mean I don’t care about the babymum. And if I don’t get married to him I won’t be meeting his kids that’s exactly right. I’m young and I don’t want to be involved in kids and I think that’s fair enough. He keeps us very seperate anyways. They won’t get back together they have been broken up 8 years they had kids very young when they was still growing themselves. They barely speak and it’s been like that for 8 years now

Reply 9

Zarek

21

Original post by Anonymous

His babymum wasn’t his wife they didn’t get married. But yeah I mean I’m not that bothered by it but it does make me a bit confused because personally I wouldn’t allow a man who I don’t acknowledge to help out my mum I would do that myself. She also puts her kids to sleep at 6 is this normal? They’re 13,12,10

I suppose the Grandma wants to maintain a relationship with the kids and also makes her own choices about who she asks for help. In relationships ties are made that are wider than just your partner. The bedtime does seem a tad unusual but since you’ve no involvement with the kids currently it’s neither here nor there

(edited 7 months ago)

Dating with kids help! 10 year age gap

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