I'm so scared of growing up. Anyone else?

Hey guys, first post here, was hoping someone can relate and I apologize if this isn't the place to post this! I'm just curious if anyone can relate and if so, what's your story and how did you conquer the fear of growing old? How did you accept it?

I'm 16 (almost 17) and feel like I'm old. I know, that kind of sounds crazy. I'm super anxious to hit 18 because then that means I am an adult and then soon I have to date, have kids, buy a house, get a good job etc but I don't really want any of that. I don't want to get married, I don't want kids and I don't want a great job and an awesome huge house. I want a small little house alone with a dog or so. My fear is to grow old, to grow up and to no longer be considered a teen/kid. I do not like having friends, I do not like dating. In fact, I guess I'm a loner. I'm working on moving out at the moment, and that scares me... I'm 16, but I feel old already. And that scares me. I think sometimes I lack a sense of purpose because I don't want kids or marriage... maybe that's why I'm so anxious for the future. I'm not sure.

Anyone else? :P

Reply 1

Arctic Kitten

21

You are over complicating things. You don’t have to got married, buy a house or have a great job at 18, or 20, or even 24. It’s a transition state, from ‘don’t have to care’ to ‘have to care about your future’ and honestly many of us have done so (choose A Levels, choose uni to apply, choose courses etc). Most people don’t even achieve the things you said until they’re 30 or more, which is double your age. You only feel old because you haven’t got used to taking responsibility.

(edited 5 years ago)

Reply 2

username3824906

20

Original post by alissic

Hey guys, first post here, was hoping someone can relate and I apologize if this isn't the place to post this! I'm just curious if anyone can relate and if so, what's your story and how did you conquer the fear of growing old? How did you accept it?

I'm 16 (almost 17) and feel like I'm old. I know, that kind of sounds crazy. I'm super anxious to hit 18 because then that means I am an adult and then soon I have to date, have kids, buy a house, get a good job etc but I don't really want any of that. I don't want to get married, I don't want kids and I don't want a great job and an awesome huge house. I want a small little house alone with a dog or so. My fear is to grow old, to grow up and to no longer be considered a teen/kid. I do not like having friends, I do not like dating. In fact, I guess I'm a loner. I'm working on moving out at the moment, and that scares me... I'm 16, but I feel old already. And that scares me. I think sometimes I lack a sense of purpose because I don't want kids or marriage... maybe that's why I'm so anxious for the future. I'm not sure.

Anyone else? :P

yeah but don't worry :wink:

Reply 3

Claire461

21

Original post by alissic

Hey guys, first post here, was hoping someone can relate and I apologize if this isn't the place to post this! I'm just curious if anyone can relate and if so, what's your story and how did you conquer the fear of growing old? How did you accept it?

I'm 16 (almost 17) and feel like I'm old. I know, that kind of sounds crazy. I'm super anxious to hit 18 because then that means I am an adult and then soon I have to date, have kids, buy a house, get a good job etc but I don't really want any of that. I don't want to get married, I don't want kids and I don't want a great job and an awesome huge house. I want a small little house alone with a dog or so. My fear is to grow old, to grow up and to no longer be considered a teen/kid. I do not like having friends, I do not like dating. In fact, I guess I'm a loner. I'm working on moving out at the moment, and that scares me... I'm 16, but I feel old already. And that scares me. I think sometimes I lack a sense of purpose because I don't want kids or marriage... maybe that's why I'm so anxious for the future. I'm not sure.

Anyone else? :P

This is sad that you feel this way when you are so young with your whole life in front of you, but understandable because it isn’t that uncommon.
The pressure you feel is what you are putting on yourself. There is no need to define your future at this time and that’s where you need to start. You don’t have to marry, have children, have a big house. There is nothing wrong with having those ambitions, but they aren’t for everyone. Just be you- a young lady with a future like anyone else. You can control your own life and age is just a number. It’s the 21st century and young people have more choices now than they did in my day.
i have grandchildren your age and can see it from the point of view from an older person because I would hate that one of the felt this way, but there will be younger people here also who can give their point of view to help you to get past this because you won’t be alone in feeling this pressure.

Reply 4

Paralove

21

Lol you don't have to have kids, get married or buy a house if you don't want to. No one will force you. It's the 'norm' in society but it doesn't mean it's an obligation and millions of people choose not to do those things. It's your choice.
In terms of jobs, again, you don't need to have any kind of job that's expected of you buuuuut you're going to have to get one. There are endless options and roles out there.

Reply 5

04MR17

Volunteer Section Leader

22

Original post by alissic

Hey guys, first post here, was hoping someone can relate and I apologize if this isn't the place to post this! I'm just curious if anyone can relate and if so, what's your story and how did you conquer the fear of growing old? How did you accept it?

I'm 16 (almost 17) and feel like I'm old. I know, that kind of sounds crazy. I'm super anxious to hit 18 because then that means I am an adult and then soon I have to date, have kids, buy a house, get a good job etc but I don't really want any of that. I don't want to get married, I don't want kids and I don't want a great job and an awesome huge house. I want a small little house alone with a dog or so. My fear is to grow old, to grow up and to no longer be considered a teen/kid. I do not like having friends, I do not like dating. In fact, I guess I'm a loner. I'm working on moving out at the moment, and that scares me... I'm 16, but I feel old already. And that scares me. I think sometimes I lack a sense of purpose because I don't want kids or marriage... maybe that's why I'm so anxious for the future. I'm not sure.

Anyone else? :P

Just because you get older doesn't mean you need to act older. :wink:

Reply 6

AsalaR

13

Original post by alissic

Hey guys, first post here, was hoping someone can relate and I apologize if this isn't the place to post this! I'm just curious if anyone can relate and if so, what's your story and how did you conquer the fear of growing old? How did you accept it?

I'm 16 (almost 17) and feel like I'm old. I know, that kind of sounds crazy. I'm super anxious to hit 18 because then that means I am an adult and then soon I have to date, have kids, buy a house, get a good job etc but I don't really want any of that. I don't want to get married, I don't want kids and I don't want a great job and an awesome huge house. I want a small little house alone with a dog or so. My fear is to grow old, to grow up and to no longer be considered a teen/kid. I do not like having friends, I do not like dating. In fact, I guess I'm a loner. I'm working on moving out at the moment, and that scares me... I'm 16, but I feel old already. And that scares me. I think sometimes I lack a sense of purpose because I don't want kids or marriage... maybe that's why I'm so anxious for the future. I'm not sure.

Anyone else? :P

growing up is not a scary thing, I understand that we people are afraid of change sometimes and growing up means more responsibilities but you always have someone older to ask for advice, like a teacher or a cousin or your parents. don't worry about it as you grow up you have the ability to handle problems wisely :smile:

Reply 7

username4267864

10

marriage is almost obsolte .none of us will be able to buy a house before 40. we'll all get stuck in retail or entry levels cos value work life balance. we'd rather have doggos and cats instead of children

Reply 8

Popsiclez

21

Ouch I'm 17, I posted the same thread on TSR one evening when I was 15 I know what you're going through, everyone in my class aorund me started to mature and do things like going out to Parties, Prom, talking about sex and dating and their futures they started acting and dressing older and their interests matured aswell. I still had the mindset of my younger self I didn't care about any of that stuff everyone else did I didn't want any responsibilities like getting a job and my Mum would berate me about how I wasn't a "child" anymore I remember I'd look in the mirror and just lay on my bed depressed uncertain of the future ahead of me. I felt like I wasted my years.

Growing up is inevitable, it's biology you can't stop it. I still have Peter Pan Syndrome to be honest, but even Peter Pan grew up in the end, but just because you grow up and your body is physically aging doesn't mean you still can't be a kid at heart. I won't lie to you it won't be easy others will stop treating you like a kid and force responsiblities on you. Take it at your own pace you'll get there slowly, but you don't have to give up who you are.

Reply 9

username3912246

10

Hey hi, I am also the same age as you! 16 and turning 17 this coming Friday haha. I too, feel a mixture of excitement yet some sort of nervousness, thinking next year would be turning 18.

Feel excited as I will have more freedom. In my country ( Singapore ), we could only get a driving license at the age of 18. And also I get to try out wine etc.haha. I am able to attend some adults events with my parents and also am looking forward to my future life! Hence I guess am really excited about next year haha. Plus I do look way younger than my age.... so it would be funny when people hear that am 18.

Nervous and scared because the law and society judges you as an adult, and does expect you to be responsible as you should know better. I feel that it’s scary because soon we will not be in school anymore, nobody will spoon feed us and we need to be independent as we entered the adult world. I do feel you... sometimes I just wanna stay as a teen haha.

But regardless, live your life how you wanna be and not what others want you to be! Cheer up!

Reply 10

username3464636

12

Heyy! I went through the same thing, when I turned 18 a few months ago I was so pissed and sad about it that I didnt even celebrate it, I just didn’t want to acknowledge it, but I totally regret that 😂 and then later while taking my final exams and just before graduation I was completely depressed because I knew that things would change soon, I’d have to live on my own, pay the bills, feed myself, get things done, I wouldn’t be able to be careless anymore. I cried all the time and I was so scared and people just dismissed me saying that I was overreacting. But then I realised that I was turning into exactly who I didn’t want to be, someone who overthinks and is sad about everything and so I tried to be more excited about leaving, after all I was going to study what I like in another country which is such a great opportunity! I still feel funny sometimes, but I just try not to give up on some things and not let people change me into a suspicious unkind sad adult, so I keep watching disney movies, and all the cartoons that I watched as a kid, I try to be kind to everyone, and I just try not to let responsibility and money stop me from doing the little things that I always did. So don’t waste your time worrying, you really want to enjoy these years and remember that overthinking is an adult’s thing, just take things as they come, work hard, do your best, enjoy your teen years, and don’t let anyone or anything make you let down your dreams and beliefs 😉

Reply 11

Aleks<3

13

Honestly, I can totally relate.

Although the difference between being 16 to 17/ 17 to 18 is minimal. It's only 2 years, it's like being 13-15- not much of a difference.

The reason why you might be afraid is that you legally become an adult, and you finish school, and so on. However, you're the same person no matter what age you are; your personality doesn't change.

I try to think that the older you get, the more opportunities you get- things you couldn't do a year ago. Like you can travel,,,, drive a car,,,,, and stuff lmao

Reply 12

Claire461

21

Original post by alissic

Hey guys, first post here, was hoping someone can relate and I apologize if this isn't the place to post this! I'm just curious if anyone can relate and if so, what's your story and how did you conquer the fear of growing old? How did you accept it?

I'm 16 (almost 17) and feel like I'm old. I know, that kind of sounds crazy. I'm super anxious to hit 18 because then that means I am an adult and then soon I have to date, have kids, buy a house, get a good job etc but I don't really want any of that. I don't want to get married, I don't want kids and I don't want a great job and an awesome huge house. I want a small little house alone with a dog or so. My fear is to grow old, to grow up and to no longer be considered a teen/kid. I do not like having friends, I do not like dating. In fact, I guess I'm a loner. I'm working on moving out at the moment, and that scares me... I'm 16, but I feel old already. And that scares me. I think sometimes I lack a sense of purpose because I don't want kids or marriage... maybe that's why I'm so anxious for the future. I'm not sure.

Anyone else? :P

Every day that you are worrying about getting older, you ARE getting older. You are missing out on your youth, making plans for your future, perhaps meeting someone you love and who loves you, having friends - all the things that you should be enjoying while you use up precious energy. Of course, there will be difficult times, that’s the way life is, but you can’t stop the passing of time. You are allowing your present to define your future.
Trust me, at 70 years old, I wouldn’t ever wish the childhood I had on my worst enemy, but I made up my mind at a very young age that it wouldn’t beat me. Now, every day as I get older, it’s another day when I can see my family, to do the things I want to do. The years fly by very quickly at my age, so you need to grasp your youth with both hands.

Reply 13

dddd1

14

This is making me feel even worse. Im 19 and feel that way. You still have time!!

Reply 14

username4105132

15

Yess afraid of gsces, a levels , university , Job interviews ughhh

Reply 15

Biogug7372

3

Enjoy your life, you're still incredibly young - if you've found what makes you happy then persue it

Reply 16

Bitsandbiscuits

1

Relax.

I went through a similar thing a few years ago. You go through your whole life thinking of adults as people who are at a certain level of maturity and life experience, get to the stage where you're almost on the verge of becoming one, and realise that you're nothing like that at all. You have no idea how you're expected to achieve such extreme levels of personal growth within such a short time, and naturally, you panic a bit.

What helped me was the realisation that my expectations for adulthood were unrealistic. No society does not expect you to immediately gain all the wisdom, maturity and confidence of somebody decades older than you the moment the clock strikes twelve on the eve of your eighteenth birthday. Look at the 18-25 year olds you know, listen to how people talk about people in that age group, or even look at how they're portrayed in media. There's a general consensus that, while the law considers you an adult at 18, most people will still think of you as a 'kid' for years to come.
Yes, there will be increased expectations as you grow older, but from what I've seen (remembering that, at 18, I've still got quite a way to go) it's usually less like being thrown off a cliff and more like walking down a slope that gets gradually steeper as you go along.

Certainly, marriage and kids is definitely not something you need to worry about at the moment (or ever, if you don't want to. If you want to get yourself a small house with some dogs, then there is no reason whatsoever why you can't aim for that instead). Most people prefer to wait until they're reasonably financially secure before making a huge commitment like marriage, or buying a big house, or staring a family, and that means that you've still got to finish school, go through university/apprenticeships/whatever and find yourself a steady job— all of which is going to take a long time.

I know it seems scary, but basically nobody except you actually expects you to grow up instantly.

Reply 17

Summer15

10

I'm 28 and this made me smile. Don't worry - you don't have to do any of those things and you defintely don't have to do any of it now. I don't own a house, I'm not married, and I'm still working on my career - I'm not at the 'end point' of where I want to be. But I'm pretty happy - I have everything I need and a good job, a few friends and family.

Honestly, the marriage/house/kids route isn't the only way to live and it's not for everyone. I have friends who haven't done that either. A lot of people of my generation aren't taking the marriage/house route at all. Probably 'cause we can't afford to! But some people just don't fancy it.

Every adult you meet is literally a kid but with wrinkles, more grey hairs, more responisibilities and maybe a bit of money left over after they've paid their way. I think the only difference really is life experience - you tend to get a little more clarity regarding life/the world (although that's not true for every adult). Things just tend to phase you less because you've expereinced it before - like friendships/relationships/world events/life's challenges. I think when you're young it's all very magnified because you're experiencing everything for the first time. Life's full of ups and downs - things don't just even out when you turn 18, things aren't just plain sailing if you tick the marriage/kids/house boxes. The only certainty is uncertainty. So don't take it too seriously - just go with it, follow whatever makes you happy, work hard, rest when you need to and don't waste time worrying. I read something recently: "You can't suffer the past or the future because they do not exist. What you are suffering is your memory and your imagination". Focus on here and now.

We never really 'grow up' at all. We just end up with more responsibilities, but they don't all come at once - so relax and enjoy being young. Very few people have it all worked out at 30, nevermind as a teenager.