My flatmate has became best friends with my ex
I recently ended a relationship with my girlfriend 5 months ago, she had became very controlling to the point that I snapped at her, I hated her telling me so I dumped her.
She use to come around mine quite a bit and she would talk to my flatmate, I live with a girl that I've made through university and is my best friend.
She has always been supportive of me but one day I came back from uni, walked in the living room to see my flatmate with my ex sitting there watching TV, it really annoyed me because my flatmate was suppose to be on my side, I didn't want to see my ex ever again.
I flipped out told my ex to get out and my flatmate went out with her, I feel totally betrayed. What do I do? I said I want to move out but she quite saying its not a big deal.
She use to come around mine quite a bit and she would talk to my flatmate, I live with a girl that I've made through university and is my best friend.
She has always been supportive of me but one day I came back from uni, walked in the living room to see my flatmate with my ex sitting there watching TV, it really annoyed me because my flatmate was suppose to be on my side, I didn't want to see my ex ever again.
I flipped out told my ex to get out and my flatmate went out with her, I feel totally betrayed. What do I do? I said I want to move out but she quite saying its not a big deal.
Scroll to see replies
Original post by Anonymous
I recently ended a relationship with my girlfriend 5 months ago, she had became very controlling to the point that I snapped at her, I hated her telling me so I dumped her.
She use to come around mine quite a bit and she would talk to my flatmate, I live with a girl that I've made through university and is my best friend.
She has always been supportive of me but one day I came back from uni, walked in the living room to see my flatmate with my ex sitting there watching TV, it really annoyed me because my flatmate was suppose to be on my side, I didn't want to see my ex ever again.
I flipped out told my ex to get out and my flatmate went out with her, I feel totally betrayed. What do I do? I said I want to move out but she quite saying its not a big deal.
She use to come around mine quite a bit and she would talk to my flatmate, I live with a girl that I've made through university and is my best friend.
She has always been supportive of me but one day I came back from uni, walked in the living room to see my flatmate with my ex sitting there watching TV, it really annoyed me because my flatmate was suppose to be on my side, I didn't want to see my ex ever again.
I flipped out told my ex to get out and my flatmate went out with her, I feel totally betrayed. What do I do? I said I want to move out but she quite saying its not a big deal.
So you hate your ex because she was too controlling when you were together.
Now you're wanting to control who your flatmate can and can't be friends with.
Do you not see the double standard there?
Original post by mackemforever
So you hate your ex because she was too controlling when you were together.
Now you're wanting to control who your flatmate can and can't be friends with.
Do you not see the double standard there?
Now you're wanting to control who your flatmate can and can't be friends with.
Do you not see the double standard there?
I don't hate her I just don't want to see her ever again, don't you understand how awkward it is for me?
If my flatmate had a boyfriend I wouldn't be friends with the bloke if they broke up because I see it as going behind someone's back.
Original post by Anonymous
I don't hate her I just don't want to see her ever again, don't you understand how awkward it is for me?
If my flatmate had a boyfriend I wouldn't be friends with the bloke if they broke up because I see it as going behind someone's back.
If my flatmate had a boyfriend I wouldn't be friends with the bloke if they broke up because I see it as going behind someone's back.
Quite frankly you need to grow up.
From what you said your flatmate was friends with your ex while you were going out, so what right do you have to tell her that she can no longer be friends with her?
If you're not mature enough to accept that they are friends and be civil with your ex then that's your problem, not your flatmates.
As for "don't you understand how awkward it is for me?". Well 6 years ago I proposed to my then girlfriend, she said no, and yet we're still friends to this day. My first ex after that girl, I dated for 2 years, and we broke up on bad terms but a month or so later sat down, talked everything out, and while we don't see each other much any more we're still friendly, and if one of us is visiting the others city we'll inevitably go and grab a drink somewhere.
If you broke up with your ex because she cheated on you or something horrible like that then I could understand the "I don't want to see her ever again" attitude but the fact of the matter is that you have said that you broke up because you felt that she was being too controlling, and refusing to see somebody after breaking up over something that minor is completely and utterly pathetic.
i think you were right, put them in their place, and tell your mate to fix up.
Original post by mackemforever
Quite frankly you need to grow up.
From what you said your flatmate was friends with your ex while you were going out, so what right do you have to tell her that she can no longer be friends with her?
If you're not mature enough to accept that they are friends and be civil with your ex then that's your problem, not your flatmates.
As for "don't you understand how awkward it is for me?". Well 6 years ago I proposed to my then girlfriend, she said no, and yet we're still friends to this day. My first ex after that girl, I dated for 2 years, and we broke up on bad terms but a month or so later sat down, talked everything out, and while we don't see each other much any more we're still friendly, and if one of us is visiting the others city we'll inevitably go and grab a drink somewhere.
If you broke up with your ex because she cheated on you or something horrible like that then I could understand the "I don't want to see her ever again" attitude but the fact of the matter is that you have said that you broke up because you felt that she was being too controlling, and refusing to see somebody after breaking up over something that minor is completely and utterly pathetic.
From what you said your flatmate was friends with your ex while you were going out, so what right do you have to tell her that she can no longer be friends with her?
If you're not mature enough to accept that they are friends and be civil with your ex then that's your problem, not your flatmates.
As for "don't you understand how awkward it is for me?". Well 6 years ago I proposed to my then girlfriend, she said no, and yet we're still friends to this day. My first ex after that girl, I dated for 2 years, and we broke up on bad terms but a month or so later sat down, talked everything out, and while we don't see each other much any more we're still friendly, and if one of us is visiting the others city we'll inevitably go and grab a drink somewhere.
If you broke up with your ex because she cheated on you or something horrible like that then I could understand the "I don't want to see her ever again" attitude but the fact of the matter is that you have said that you broke up because you felt that she was being too controlling, and refusing to see somebody after breaking up over something that minor is completely and utterly pathetic.
I don't see the sense in what you are saying
Original post by Anonymous
I recently ended a relationship with my girlfriend 5 months ago, she had became very controlling to the point that I snapped at her, I hated her telling me so I dumped her.
She use to come around mine quite a bit and she would talk to my flatmate, I live with a girl that I've made through university and is my best friend.
She has always been supportive of me but one day I came back from uni, walked in the living room to see my flatmate with my ex sitting there watching TV, it really annoyed me because my flatmate was suppose to be on my side, I didn't want to see my ex ever again.
I flipped out told my ex to get out and my flatmate went out with her, I feel totally betrayed. What do I do? I said I want to move out but she quite saying its not a big deal.
She use to come around mine quite a bit and she would talk to my flatmate, I live with a girl that I've made through university and is my best friend.
She has always been supportive of me but one day I came back from uni, walked in the living room to see my flatmate with my ex sitting there watching TV, it really annoyed me because my flatmate was suppose to be on my side, I didn't want to see my ex ever again.
I flipped out told my ex to get out and my flatmate went out with her, I feel totally betrayed. What do I do? I said I want to move out but she quite saying its not a big deal.
Maybe you shouldn't have flipped out but I understand the sense of betrayal. Are you sure your flatmate is your mate? She has to understand that it will be awkward for you
Original post by Ekemini
I don't see the sense in what you are saying
My point is that they broke up over something very minor and so losing it because your flatmate has continued to be friends with your ex is utterly pathetic.
His ex didn't do anything bad, didn't cheat on him, didn't betray him, was simply (in his opinion) a bit too controlling. Doesn't make her a bad person or somebody who anybody with even a shred of maturity would consider intolerable to be around.
The OPs flatmate was friends with his ex before they broke up, she has the perfect right to continue to be friends with her now especially given the fact that they broke up because of nothing more than a minor disagreement.
Original post by mackemforever
My point is that they broke up over something very minor and so losing it because your flatmate has continued to be friends with your ex is utterly pathetic.
His ex didn't do anything bad, didn't cheat on him, didn't betray him, was simply (in his opinion) a bit too controlling. Doesn't make her a bad person or somebody who anybody with even a shred of maturity would consider intolerable to be around.
The OPs flatmate was friends with his ex before they broke up, she has the perfect right to continue to be friends with her now especially given the fact that they broke up because of nothing more than a minor disagreement.
His ex didn't do anything bad, didn't cheat on him, didn't betray him, was simply (in his opinion) a bit too controlling. Doesn't make her a bad person or somebody who anybody with even a shred of maturity would consider intolerable to be around.
The OPs flatmate was friends with his ex before they broke up, she has the perfect right to continue to be friends with her now especially given the fact that they broke up because of nothing more than a minor disagreement.
But his flatmate has to understand how awkward this is for him.
Original post by mackemforever
My point is that they broke up over something very minor and so losing it because your flatmate has continued to be friends with your ex is utterly pathetic.
His ex didn't do anything bad, didn't cheat on him, didn't betray him, was simply (in his opinion) a bit too controlling. Doesn't make her a bad person or somebody who anybody with even a shred of maturity would consider intolerable to be around.
The OPs flatmate was friends with his ex before they broke up, she has the perfect right to continue to be friends with her now especially given the fact that they broke up because of nothing more than a minor disagreement.
His ex didn't do anything bad, didn't cheat on him, didn't betray him, was simply (in his opinion) a bit too controlling. Doesn't make her a bad person or somebody who anybody with even a shred of maturity would consider intolerable to be around.
The OPs flatmate was friends with his ex before they broke up, she has the perfect right to continue to be friends with her now especially given the fact that they broke up because of nothing more than a minor disagreement.
I get what you are saying. But I don't thin the fact that he broke up with her because she was controlling is pathetic. Maybe he felt choked up in the relationship and needed to get out of it
Original post by OU Student
But his flatmate has to understand how awkward this is for him.
The only thing making it awkward is the childishness of the OP.
His flatmate is doing absolutely nothing wrong, end of story.
Original post by OU Student
But his flatmate has to understand how awkward this is for him.
Exactly!!!
Original post by mackemforever
The only thing making it awkward is the childishness of the OP.
His flatmate is doing absolutely nothing wrong, end of story.
His flatmate is doing absolutely nothing wrong, end of story.
I fail to see how not wanting to see someone after a breakup is childish.
Original post by Ekemini
I get what you are saying. But I don't thin the fact that he broke up with her because she was controlling is pathetic. Maybe he felt choked up in the relationship and needed to get out of it
I can accept what you're saying, but that doesn't change the fact that it's not something worthy of hating somebody over. Breaking up because you want something different out of a relationship than what your partner does is something which isn't exactly major, can't be blamed on either party, and is simply a case of not being compatible.
If the OP can't be civil after that kind of breakup then god help him if he ever has a breakup because of something major.
R of this thread:
Your flatmate is rude & should take your feelings into consideration. A true friend wouldn't bring your ex round or even entertain them. This is why I never become "super buddies" with my best friend's partners. Because if they break up I will definitely cut them off also. My friends are also like this too.
Are they very close? How long have they been friends? I think you should tell your flatmate that if she wants to be friends with her she can go out with her out of my sight & never into our flat. I do think moving out is a bit over the top.
Am I the only one that finds it weird how you broke up with the girl for being controlling & she is now showing up at your flat hanging out with the friend even though you've broken up? Its like she still wants to be in your space/circle.
Are they very close? How long have they been friends? I think you should tell your flatmate that if she wants to be friends with her she can go out with her out of my sight & never into our flat. I do think moving out is a bit over the top.
Am I the only one that finds it weird how you broke up with the girl for being controlling & she is now showing up at your flat hanging out with the friend even though you've broken up? Its like she still wants to be in your space/circle.
Original post by OU Student
I fail to see how not wanting to see someone after a breakup is childish.
I'm not saying that after a breakup people should want to see their ex, but the "never want to see them again" attitude is ridiculous (if the breakup was due to something minor like this), but in the case of the OP the childish bit is throwing a hissy fit at his flatmate because she continued to be friends with his ex.
Original post by SophiaLDN
Your flatmate is rude & should take your feelings into consideration. A true friend wouldn't bring your ex round or even entertain them. This is why I never become "super buddies" with my best friend's partners. Because if they break up I will definitely cut them off also. My friends are also like this too.
Are they very close? How long have they been friends? I think you should tell your flatmate that if she wants to be friends with her she can go out with her out of my sight & never into our flat. I do think moving out is a bit over the top.
Am I the only one that finds it weird how you broke up with the girl for being controlling & she is now showing up at your flat hanging out with the friend even though you've broken up? Its like she still wants to be in your space/circle.
Are they very close? How long have they been friends? I think you should tell your flatmate that if she wants to be friends with her she can go out with her out of my sight & never into our flat. I do think moving out is a bit over the top.
Am I the only one that finds it weird how you broke up with the girl for being controlling & she is now showing up at your flat hanging out with the friend even though you've broken up? Its like she still wants to be in your space/circle.
Bull****.
From what the OP said his flatmate was friends with his ex at the time they were dating, and so what bloody right does he have to tell his flatmate that she has to stop being friends with her?
As for your final paragraph, maybe she still comes around sometimes because of her friendship with his flatmate, and because she's mature enough to know that avoiding an ex who you broke up with because of a relatively minor issue is utterly ridiculously pathetically childish.
Original post by mackemforever
Bull****.
From what the OP said his flatmate was friends with his ex at the time they were dating, and so what bloody right does he have to tell his flatmate that she has to stop being friends with her?
As for your final paragraph, maybe she still comes around sometimes because of her friendship with his flatmate, and because she's mature enough to know that avoiding an ex who you broke up with because of a relatively minor issue is utterly ridiculously pathetically childish.
From what the OP said his flatmate was friends with his ex at the time they were dating, and so what bloody right does he have to tell his flatmate that she has to stop being friends with her?
As for your final paragraph, maybe she still comes around sometimes because of her friendship with his flatmate, and because she's mature enough to know that avoiding an ex who you broke up with because of a relatively minor issue is utterly ridiculously pathetically childish.
Just because you're ok with it & think its minor, doesn't mean OP is. OP was extreme in chasing them out for sure, but all this anger I'm assuming it really wasn't minor. Obviously he finds it a big deal and OP introduced them as friends. I guess his flatmate & ex aren't close friends but the flatmate and him are best friends. I wouldn't do that to my best friend especially after seeing him react like that.
He can't force them to not be friends. Like I said, he can say just be considerate & don't bring this girl around me or our flat. People deal with breakups differently. We don't know fully what went on between them, so it might be childish to you but it could be extreme. He clearly despises her.
Quick Reply
Related discussions
- Fell out with my flatmates, and now my housing for next year is at risk
- Am I a bad person?
- I have no friends at uni and don't wanna go back
- Lonely at University
- He doesn't want me - but gets angry
- Where do most people make their friends at uni?
- Ex friend making stuff up
- Is my ex friend faking tourettes?
- At what point did you make close friends at uni??
- Best friend completely turned on me and now my worst enemy, but can’t get over us
- What is university life like?
- How to deal with social awkwardness
- Are people usually closest to the ones in their course or who they live with?
- Second year accommodation
- University Accomodation
- Best accommodations at Exeter university
- mixed signals
- muslims - moving away from home for university?
- Girlfriend made my facebook account?
- Would I be too old to live in halls?
Latest
Trending
Last reply 5 days ago
My friend might be getting extra time and i hate it.Last reply 5 days ago
Just found out about UCL stat test but can't afford to sit itLast reply 2 weeks ago
Dad keeps criticising my university degree choiceLast reply 2 weeks ago
Is this pathetic or genuinely something to be upset aboutTrending
Last reply 5 days ago
My friend might be getting extra time and i hate it.Last reply 5 days ago
Just found out about UCL stat test but can't afford to sit itLast reply 2 weeks ago
Dad keeps criticising my university degree choiceLast reply 2 weeks ago
Is this pathetic or genuinely something to be upset about
