The Student Room Group

Best friend completely turned on me and now my worst enemy, but can’t get over us

It kinda all started whne me and my best friend decided to go travelling together, once on the trip it turned out we had very different ideas of what we wanted to do and I was suffering from severe anxiety/panic attacks/depression during the trip which made me struggle to go out at night and I was constantly exhausted. Despite this we got to see so much but my ex bff spent the whole time being salty and moody. Since that trip our friendship had done a complete flip and became really toxic, like bitter comments and not being supportive etc. I thought maybe this was just a rough patch and we could probably talk it out. But one day I get this long text from her stating that she doesn’t wanna be friends anymore and attacking my personality without aknowleging anything she did to hurt me (the whole holiday she was basically angry at me for being mentally ill). I knew she didn’t wanna be friends due to my mental health rather than anything I’d said in the past as this was before we fell out. But she acted like it was because of other reasons probably to not look bad.

She unadded me on everything and blocked me on tik tok. Which I find kinda strange because it’s not like a breakup. And since this (6 months on) she’s been telling everyone and their mum about the situation and a lot of people have turned on me without hearing the full story, assuming I’ve been a horrible person to her. She even went to my old friend group to speak to them behind my back about me (they were on her side as I stopped speaking to them and were salty but it’s because they’d not treated me well over the time we were friends). Most recently, I find that some of her friends will request to follow me on Instagram out of the blue, it’s so strange and I’m not sure why they’re tryna follow me? Would anyone here know

Basically I just need general advice on how to handle the situation. I’m struggling to get over it and despite all this I just want everything to go back to how it was when we were best friends because no one’s ever “got me” as much as she did and it’s lost all my confidence in friendships.
Original post by Anonymous
Which I find kinda strange because it’s not like a breakup.


It is actually quite a lot like a breakup. Aside from the physical intimacy, good friendships provide a lot of the same things that good relationships do. The irony is that it is often easier to figure out when a relationship has run its course compared to a friendship, and it's also easier to bring relationships to an end. A lot of people somewhat assume that friendships can't end at all, and feel guilty about not staying in contact with people or left a friendship drift. In reality, friendships can strengthen, weaken, and go through all sorts of changes throughout your life, including coming to an end. It's like a lot of other things throughout your life, and there's nothing to feel guilty about in that respect. It can happen for all sorts of good and bad reasons.

To give an example, my strongest friendship group is a group of guys that I've known since school. There are six of us. The one who was my best men, and me his, is someone I knew in school and was friends with, but our friendship became much stronger once we left school despite going to different universities. With another one I drifted from him after school, but we reconnected when I moved to the city that he lives in, and again our friendship became much stronger after that. By contrast, one of the members of that group has really drifted significantly from the rest of us recently. He didn't attend the wedding of one of the group earlier in the year (at which me and one other were joint best men), and has completely fallen out in the last week with another of the group who was his best man for his wedding about six or seven years ago. I'm still in touch with him, but things are strained, and that's really quite distressing, given that as a group we've known each other for nearly thirty years. But it does look like for whatever reason he's taken steps to distance himself from the rest of the group.

It's completely understandable that you're almost grieving for what you've lost with this friendship, but unfortunately these things do happen as you go through life. It's the same with your other friends. It's unfortunate to say the least that your former best friend is now bad mouthing you to others, who are now taking her side, but at the same time if they're not willing to support or at least talk to you at this point, you're probably better off without them. Either way, your former friend has made it clear what her position is, so that's that. You can and should respect her wishes on it. You can and absolutely should be sad about that, and memories of what you once had will be painful, but you will eventually move on and make new friends. It is just what happens in life. And, actually, what happens with a breakup too. You'll be fine.
Reply 2
Original post by Crazy Jamie
It is actually quite a lot like a breakup. Aside from the physical intimacy, good friendships provide a lot of the same things that good relationships do. The irony is that it is often easier to figure out when a relationship has run its course compared to a friendship, and it's also easier to bring relationships to an end. A lot of people somewhat assume that friendships can't end at all, and feel guilty about not staying in contact with people or left a friendship drift. In reality, friendships can strengthen, weaken, and go through all sorts of changes throughout your life, including coming to an end. It's like a lot of other things throughout your life, and there's nothing to feel guilty about in that respect. It can happen for all sorts of good and bad reasons.

To give an example, my strongest friendship group is a group of guys that I've known since school. There are six of us. The one who was my best men, and me his, is someone I knew in school and was friends with, but our friendship became much stronger once we left school despite going to different universities. With another one I drifted from him after school, but we reconnected when I moved to the city that he lives in, and again our friendship became much stronger after that. By contrast, one of the members of that group has really drifted significantly from the rest of us recently. He didn't attend the wedding of one of the group earlier in the year (at which me and one other were joint best men), and has completely fallen out in the last week with another of the group who was his best man for his wedding about six or seven years ago. I'm still in touch with him, but things are strained, and that's really quite distressing, given that as a group we've known each other for nearly thirty years. But it does look like for whatever reason he's taken steps to distance himself from the rest of the group.

It's completely understandable that you're almost grieving for what you've lost with this friendship, but unfortunately these things do happen as you go through life. It's the same with your other friends. It's unfortunate to say the least that your former best friend is now bad mouthing you to others, who are now taking her side, but at the same time if they're not willing to support or at least talk to you at this point, you're probably better off without them. Either way, your former friend has made it clear what her position is, so that's that. You can and should respect her wishes on it. You can and absolutely should be sad about that, and memories of what you once had will be painful, but you will eventually move on and make new friends. It is just what happens in life. And, actually, what happens with a breakup too. You'll be fine.

I was writing a long post along these lines about my best friend.In many ways it is like a romance you meet someone you have a lot in common with,you share experiences no one else has,you phone them all the time,we would get home from school and immediately phone each other to gossip about the day.We spent the ages of 17- 21 absolutely fused at the hip.holidayed together ,went on nights and days out 3 or 4 times a week.She met her later husband but it was when I met mine suddenly it was game over on her part.It was not as if I prioritised him over her as I only saw him on my spare nights.I still holidayed with her that year but when I tried to bring him into our group which included other boys she dropped me like a stone.
I was heart broken and could not understand it.It was done in such a cold way and it was petty too.She went back to our old school friends who she had always laughed about to me about how boring they were and at her wedding they were all invited to the day event except me.I met her husband's two friends and found out they had been dispensed with in a similar manner.
I missed our friendship for years but oddly enough I came across a book she had written and self published.I couldn't resist so bought it.It was meant to be fiction but it was obviously based on true events.As I read it I realised that the leading character (her)did not actually really care about anyone except herself,not even her husband and her friends were just convenient at the time.After 30 years I had full closure.It was absolutely nothing I had done she just did not really care very deeply at all about anything.I had ceased to be at her beck and call and she was no longer centre of my world so I was disposed of.
So like a romance you will get over it but hopefully you will hold onto the good memories and find other friends who will really have your back.But yes it is so painful and baffling at the time.Similar things have happened to both my children with a best friend.It is sudden and shocking and hurtful so mourn the friendship it is sad it has ended but they are not the person you thought or need in your life.
(edited 3 months ago)

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