Dear you,
Je suis tellement putain d'en colère. Today was the first time that I admitted to anyone that I thought I had depression. And I told you. I get that you don't see that I spent all day screaming and sobbing into my pillow, unable to summon the motivation to even change position in my bed.
And you choose today, to confim all my fears. Fears that you are bored of me, that you resent having to talk to me, that I'm too needy and not engaging enough and that this relationship is just work. I AM SUCH AN IDIOT. I can't believe I actually let you trick me into thinking that someone could love me, that you wouldn't get tired of me.
And the sad thing is all I want to do right now is never speak to you again yet I am still overwhelmed with the nagging feeling that nothing is right when we're not talking. I need you. I need to hear your voice. And I know I got too attached and I'm too invested and everyone warned me but you were so reassuring. You don't understand how deeply I need you to love me and talk to me and tell me everything is going to be okay.
Obviously this relationship isn't healthy and we should probably stop talking. But I can't bring myself to do that to you because I know part of you loves me. And I still can't bring myself to hurt you.
I AM SO ****ING MAD AT YOU BUT MOSTLY AT MYSELF FOR EVER BELIEVING THAT YOU WOULDN'T GET TIRED OF ME, THAT YOU COULD LOVE ME AS MUCH AS I LOVE YOU.
AND I AM MAD THAT YOU CHOSE TODAY TO TELL ME THIS.
I hate you and I love you and I need you and I hate myself for needing you and this sucks okay, this sucks.