Dear you,
I have never been like this, ever
and I hate it that I love you when all you did was play with me
I'm the mature one that keeps her cool but you've seriously ruined me
I've wasted so much of my time that i could of spent for building my future
and even though you lied when you said you loved me, I'm beautiful and special
I still can't get over you
and it kills me and frustrates me
that I still spend hours waiting for your reply
In the end I'm only lying to myself
but I cant seem to get a grip of myself
the logical thing to do is to block you out but
for once you've got me using my heart instead of my head
I dont want to go back to the stage where we were confused
I'm glad that we have come to an end, well i hope we have anyway
because as much as I love you, I need to let you go or else I might do something stupid
I cant be harsh on myself though, this is the first time i have felt this way, i have prioritised you before anyone and everything, I've stayed awake till 5 in the morning even though I have piles of work
I seriously dont know how to handle this situation
my feelings are controlling me and its driving me crazy that I'm losing control of myself
I'm not dumb, i know you were taking advantage of my age and nativity but boy I fell so hard I wanted to believe that i could trust you and what we had was real
and you are good at what you do,
sometimes i do think that there must of been at least some little part of you that liked me because you put in a lot of effort to try make it work, well to try change me, and i know i'm not perfect and that i have major flaws but the thing you wanted to change about me is the person who i am, i could do a lot for you but i cant change who i am
today when i went to read, some person was saying that people will say you're old fashioned and backwards but no one ever said that doing the right thing is easy, my purpose of life is not to impress you..
you do have a good heart i know that, but I know other things going on in your life make you do stupid things
maybe that's why I'm so at war with myself, because I don't want to leave you alone in the situation that you are in
because you have the potential to do great things, but i feel like you're messing up your chances
if i didnt care about you, i woudlnt give a crap about that but the truth is i do and i know i always will
tbh I always knew how this was going to end but I've learned a lot so I'm sure this kind of thing won't happen again
i will try to avoid calling you as long as my will power will allow me but i eventually will i know
but I will still make sure that you still dont find out that i am a bit obsessed over you lol, hopefully it will get better by then
love/hate
me
wow writing this down has seriously helped lol