I'm not sure I should blame myself. I now think the fact you wouldn't tell me anything was stringing me along. I know I behaved badly but I have the uneasy feeling that you are a total control freak, and that you'd want everything to the letter, and then, even then would you have told me anything direct, after revealing how I felt, would you have given me the chance to see you? I really ****ing resent being screened in that way, like being policed all the time for everything I say, like I have to be some perfect sanitised person or you disapprove from an anonymous point of view and then if I made an argument, you wouldn't object or put it right so we could have any clarity. I think you just wanted me fueling your ego and listening to a load of judgement and controlled by you completely. And you know what the worst thing is, if all this was totally wrong, or if any point or problem I had made to you if we'd been in a relationship was wrong, you wouldn't just tell me how I was wrong, and how it is so we could
move on and be happy, you would take so much offense at me suggesting anything that insults you in someway, even though it isn't insulting, or me showing what is not the right behaviour enough(whatever that is, I have no idea) then you'd act obtuse, take offence and wouldn't know where I was. I think you are just a massive(deliberate) mind **** and not a very truthful person and I'm no longer sure why I thought you should have the moral high ground. And yes, I had feelings.