Dear you
Realising a lot of things lately, it's not great.
Are you really this person in my head? No you aren't, and I understand that and that to me seems logical, but my mind isn't logical, it still keeps you up there as this perfect person on a pedestal.
Are you a decent person? The way you could pick me up and drop me points to possibly not being so. The company you kept, most of them were pricks, the girls *****y, I got to know one of your friends yet she would slate a lot of the friend group, and in the end she turned on me, she wasn't nice underneath.
The feelings I held/hold for you have destroyed my pathway through life, making it much harder. School was scarred by you even if you did not mean it, living it for you but being too scared at the same time. Always in your shadow. I missed out on a lot because of these feelings, neither of our faults in fact but the fact remains.
I don't like the fact I think of you a lot now and yet I probably never cross your mind at all, a side-note. Did you keep anything of mine? I doubt it, I meant and mean nothing to you, I know.
How can somebody with whom I've had little interaction with be one of the greatest influences on my life? Somebody who isn't famous, a celebrity or anything.. just an another Jane in all honesty, just by being there. It sucks.
I wish this mindset would go away and I could let you go and be truly part of my past. It's been a long time and yet feels very recent with me. It is tiresome.