Year 12s: what will be the first way you research your future options? >>

'Marriage' - are we becoming a tad obsessed?

Scroll to see replies

Reply 60

claireestelle

Original post by prazzyjazzy

Congrats <3 I send all my best wishes :biggrin:

Thank you

Reply 61

username2053059

Original post by Yaboi

lmao

I'll go out of my way to assume it was a woman.

I'm not sure if it was or not as it was in message form, not actual face to face conversation.
His/her username was "TiredAntelope97".

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 62

Black Hand Path

Original post by cbreef

I got called "a disgusting person" yesterday for saying marriage was a terrible idea. :erm:

They are the ones who are terrible for not being able to accept that a person has a different opinion to them.

Reply 63

tamil fever

I've never given so much reps out...
i don't get the point of marriage at all

Reply 64

tamil fever

Original post by cbreef

I got called "a disgusting person" yesterday for saying marriage was a terrible idea. :erm:

don't worry.I find it a terrible idea too and don't see the point of it :u:

Reply 65

MagicNMedicine

Original post by ChaoticButterfly

ON the whole social pressure of relationships this guardian article seems relevant if a somewhat depressing read.

It's the breaking of a taboo’: the parents who regret having children

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2017/feb/11/breaking-taboo-parents-who-regret-having-children

Interesting stuff.

The conclusion I have come to is that to keep your happiness and freedom you have to work really hard at three things, which are related:

1. Make sure your choices in life are really your own choices.
2. Make sure the things you want in life are really things you want.
3. Focus on the things in life that you have and not on pining for your imagined world of what life would be like if you were like other people.

The first two come from really making sure you spend time to think about what you want for yourself, and not what you think is the "done thing" or a marker for success or what your family and so on want.

If you chase marriage and children then remember when the first child arrives its like entering a big room and the door behind you slams shut and locks. No matter how much you bang and rattle the door, it isn't going to open, so your destiny is set.

But also, on the third point above, make sure if you're in the free world outside that door, that you aren't sitting around feeling sorry for yourself wishing you were the other side and thinking if only I had a spouse/kids my life would be wonderful.

A lot of people with children and in marriages secretly long for the free lives of their single friends but those single friends are often feeling loneliness and longing for the secure world of someone with a child/marriage.

Reply 66

username2053059

Original post by tamil fever

don't worry.I find it a terrible idea too and don't see the point of it :u:

What are you suggesting :rofl:

Reply 67

ddrrzzeerr

Original post by ChaoticButterfly

Getting married is very much a legal thing now in the time period I live in. I don't live in a tribe.

Also your theory of social units literally means nothing to me. I don't care what other people think. I only care what I and my partner think. Like I said, society can do one. The only time when I engage in it is what I am forced to. Like worrying about what the state will do if we had children and then got divorced, or if I died what would happen with my pension etc. It is tied up in with the state and it is the coercive aspects of that that I have to deal with. Has nothing to do with love.

The other thing with social units is that they objectively exist. Just because the state doesn't say recognise polygamy doesn't mean that it doesn't exist from a sociological perspective. It's the same with none married couples. My friends were born into the world by parents who were not married. That does not mean that family group did not exist.

It is still a social thing primarily. Of course it has legal implications but they are fairly minor unless you get divorced.

Something like stealing has legal implications but it also has social stigma attached to it which is more powerful. I know that if I steal from a shop, I'm unlikely to get caught and even if I do, I will get off with a warning but I still don't do it. The idea that stealing is bad doesn't need a state. The law formalises the social relationships but it doesn't create them. Polygamy may exist but it isn't accepted by society which is why polygamous marriages are illegal.

There is nothing wrong with not caring about the social implications of marriage but I don't think you can say social factors are irrelevant. You say you only care what you and your partner think. In that case would you be okay with your best friend asking your partner to have sex with him/her? After all, whatever you have agreed with your partner is between the two of you and has nothing to do with your friend. Most people would not think that is acceptable because you expect your status as "partner" to be respected. "Partner" is a social concept and not a legal one and marriage is no different. Marriage just carries more weight because it comes with more commitment.

Reply 68

Sabertooth

Original post by President Hawk

It's also one of the Catholic Sacraments so religious people would want to get all the Sacraments.

Was gonna correct this, then I realized that you're in the UK so you force priests to act against their religion.

Reply 69

tamil fever

Original post by cbreef

What are you suggesting :rofl:

that there is no point of it and that I agree with you.........why? :redface:

Reply 70

username2053059

Original post by tamil fever

that there is no point of it and that I agree with you.........why? :redface:

Sounded like one of those "omg we have something in common, lets's get together" comments :rofl:

Reply 71

tamil fever

Original post by cbreef

Sounded like one of those "omg we have something in common, lets's get together" comments :rofl:

what???No.lmao :rofl:

am already together with chocolate :colondollar:

Reply 72

sunshine774

Original post by Drez999

I'm a very easy-going person but what is all this about?

I have no idea why it is so (seemingly) important - if it be M/M, F/M, F/F or someone wishing to marry a chair...

What's the point?

I think people usually marry as you have to take vows, it also shows commitment and that you want to spend the rest of your life with your partner! :smile:

Original post by MagicNMedicine

Sometimes relationships lose their spark and people don't feel the same about each other any more. Marriage ensures that you are locked in together and its much more difficult to separate so you are more likely to just accept staying together when that feeling has gone.

Surely people marry each other because they love each other and if you truly love each other, why would "the relationship lose spark"? :smile:

And isn't it bad staying together in a relationship together if you no longer feel any sexual attraction to each other, if you don't love each other and if you're both unhappy? :smile:

Reply 73

ThePricklyOne

Original post by Drez999

I'm a very easy-going person but what is all this about?

I have no idea why it is so (seemingly) important - if it be M/M, F/M, F/F or someone wishing to marry a chair...

What's the point?

Marriage is a form of social control esp. used in religion and totalitarian states. you're less likely to question things when you/your partner is knocked up with 6 kids and you can't leave your job/community.

It's also a form of ownership of children and the wife, who traditionally gets owned and have no legal rights.

I'm not too keen on it myself.

(edited 7 years ago)