My sister is refusing to go to uni what do I do?

Maybe help her take her stuff to her uni, stay with her a couple of hours until she feels comfortable, take a look around the campus and then tell her you have to go home but everything will be alright ? I'm not too sure about this but she just needs someone to lead the way I'm guessing

help her settle in

OP

Original post by Angxla

Maybe help her take her stuff to her uni, stay with her a couple of hours until she feels comfortable, take a look around the campus and then tell her you have to go home but everything will be alright ? I'm not too sure about this but she just needs someone to lead the way I'm guessing

The thing is both my mum and I had planned to go with her and stay in a hotel overnight in case she needs anything and we have already packed all her stuff in the car but she is just point blank refusing to go. We have tried explaining to her that we will help her settle in and show her around to make sure she knows where everything is but it's not making any difference. She just keeps crying and saying she won't cope. Thanks for your advice though.

Reply 4

fxlloutboyy

If she's not ready, she's not ready. You won't help by forcing her, tell her it's her choice and if she's not ready she needs to tell the university and cancel student finance before she's paid it.

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Reply 5

Blackhall

9

Original post by Parrotperson

Hi my sister is due to head to university as a fresher today however due to having suffered from several panic attacks in the last two days (she suffers from really bad anxiety) she is now refusing to go. I don't know what to do she has already had a year out to do resits due to her anxiety affecting her performance in her a-levels and I know this is her last chance to go to the university she wants to. Can anyone give me any advice?

Get her to seek medical help or counselling and see if that makes her feel better. At the end of the day, it's her choice.

Reply 6

OP

Original post by fxlloutboyy

If she's not ready, she's not ready. You won't help by forcing her, tell her it's her choice and if she's not ready she needs to tell the university and cancel student finance before she's paid it.

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She's adamant that she's not ready but I'm just concerned cause she'll probably lose her place and then she'll never go to uni. Also my mum cannot afford to keep her and I don't know if she'll want to get a job.

Reply 7

OP

Original post by Blackhall

Get her to seek medical help or counselling and see if that makes her feel better. At the end of the day, it's her choice.

She was having counselling and she has been on medication for the last two years but it doesn't appear to be helping. I know I just don't want her to throw it all away as she really worked hard to get in.

Reply 8

fxlloutboyy

She needs to know she either has to go to university or get a job to be able to stay at home. I know how hard it is suffering with anxiety but doing these things will ease it - but you can't force her to go to university if she's not ready. Tell her her options, explaining she'd need a job to stay at home, and see her response.

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Reply 9

999tigger

19

Original post by Parrotperson

Hi my sister is due to head to university as a fresher today however due to having suffered from several panic attacks in the last two days (she suffers from really bad anxiety) she is now refusing to go. I don't know what to do she has already had a year out to do resits due to her anxiety affecting her performance in her a-levels and I know this is her last chance to go to the university she wants to. Can anyone give me any advice?

She isnt ready and she is an adult.

Contact the social welfare team at the uni.

It isnt her last chance. She can go any time during her life, so dont say its last chance or that will just create pressure.

Imo if ts that bad she should take a gap until she wants to go. Forcing her is only likely to make her miserable and she will be back home having wasted a lot of money.
Defer or withdraw if thats what she wants.

You cant force her. the bigger issue is to get to grips with he anxiety.

Reply 10

999tigger

19

Original post by Parrotperson

She was having counselling and she has been on medication for the last two years but it doesn't appear to be helping. I know I just don't want her to throw it all away as she really worked hard to get in.

Your concern and approach is misguided.

Reply 11

returnmigrant

It is not 'her last chance to go'. Anyone can go to Uni at any stage of their life.

If it takes her longer to feel confident enough to do it, thats totally okay.

I suggest that (as above) she cancels Uni fir this year - and then either gets a job/apprenticeship etc locally for a year or two which will give her time to sort her mental health a bit. If she isnt receiving treatment for this she needs to see her GP asap.

Reply 12

999tigger

19

What you dont understand is that you have limited student finance for x years.

If you force her to go her anxiety will just increase and if she is in uni for just one day, then that will mean she uses a whole years finance up and that could be a complete waste she might need later. Its an absolute waste imo.

If you just cancel now they might let you off fees and you might even get out of the accommodation contract. She is already liable for both at the moment. You are talking thousands, but if she is a no show they might just agree to let it go.

Mental health is everything. Poor mental health will man she is unhappy and will perform poorly. Do not force her it would be a disaster.

Reply 13

-MizzSnazzter-

9

Just ease her in, say ok well let’s just think of it as a day out then - we can come home at the end if you really don’t like it. Then hopefully when she’s there she will realise it’s not as bad as she was expecting.

As you say, if you don’t encourage her now she will probably never go... as she will get the same fear next time she tries. Just support and reassure her in all ways possible, say you will just go to check it out and if she really doesn’t like it you’ll come back that day, hopefully that will take the pressure off her

Reply 14

OP

Original post by fxlloutboyy

She needs to know she either has to go to university or get a job to be able to stay at home. I know how hard it is suffering with anxiety but doing these things will ease it - but you can't force her to go to university if she's not ready. Tell her her options, explaining she'd need a job to stay at home, and see her response.

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I have tried explaining the options to her and I can tell she wants to go to university but she thinks she can't cope.

Reply 15

OP

Original post by 999tigger

She isnt ready and she is an adult.

Contact the social welfare team at the uni.

It isnt her last chance. She can go any time during her life, so dont say its last chance or that will just create pressure.

Imo if ts that bad she should take a gap until she wants to go. Forcing her is only likely to make her miserable and she will be back home having wasted a lot of money.
Defer or withdraw if thats what she wants.

You cant force her. the bigger issue is to get to grips with he anxiety.

I will ask her if she wants to contact them and try to defer. I know it's technicallly not her last chance but she doesn't want to go to any other university. She has tried everything but nothing seems to have worked.

Reply 16

fxlloutboyy

It's a difficult situation because if she stays for a week and doesn't like it, she has used a full year of student finance (unless she has a doctor's note saying she experienced severe anxiety during this time and can apply for compelling personal reasons).

It would be best for her to go, say give it a week, if she's still feeling she can't cope then she moves back home. If she begins to feel better, she stays.

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Reply 17

OP

Original post by 999tigger

Your concern and approach is misguided.

I don't know how else to approach it. Things are really stressful at the moment without this. My mum has a health condition and she doesn't know if she'll be able to feed herself let alone my sister as well next year due to job uncertainties.

Reply 18

OP

Original post by returnmigrant

It is not 'her last chance to go'. Anyone can go to Uni at any stage of their life.

If it takes her longer to feel confident enough to do it, thats totally okay.

I suggest that (as above) she cancels Uni fir this year - and then either gets a job/apprenticeship etc locally for a year or two which will give her time to sort her mental health a bit. If she isnt receiving treatment for this she needs to see her GP asap.

The thing is she is adamant that she doesn't want to go anywhere else and she has already applied twice. I have suggested deferring for a year but my mum doesn't want her home for another year. She has already had two rounds of therapy and is on medication for it but it doesn't seem to be helping.

Reply 19

OP