My mum is also like this at times. Honestly I know how badly it affects your mental health and self esteem. It feels so wrong, like there is something wrong with you, if even your own mother isn't happy with you.
Growing up, my mum and my own views are very different and we clash a lot at so many things. I have come to realise whilst she might be my mum, she is just another human being and so am I. I do listen to her but I am not afraid to offer her my own peice of mind. We do get along when it comes to little things but when it is towards the big ideas like lifestyle choices we differ a lot. Really, I do what I want as long as I know it's not something damaging or harmful to anyone. I used to be told off for a lot of things and it really use to get to me...but now I will listen her rants with one ear and let it out through the other, I still respect her but I respect myself enough to realise what is right for me and wrong as well. I know I won't turn into a crazy nightmare, like i have good intentions, but my mum isnt able to see that at all times.
Having a boyfriend or a social life is nothing bad. It's tiring to keep hearing from our parents do this not that. They were once our age too and probably have made a lot of mistakes so they push their expectation onto us but fight for yourself.
If you make a mistake you will learn from,you
are not living your mother's life or rather your mum is not living yours, how can you learn from mistakes if she is telling you to improve on her expectation all the time?
I am not a bad daughter, but I make mistakes at times, you know when I realised that she is after all my mum, she gave birth to me, despite her behaviour, her different views, she will always love me even if we fight everyday. The toxicity was building up around how I was viewing the situation as well,instead of agreeing with and beating myself up for everything she said I started arguing with her and giving my honest opinions. What is this called straying being rebellious? If I hadn't so then I would have hated my mother for agreeing with her ad scarficing my happiness for her. I would have questioned her love for me like you are doing and I would've felt miserable with myslef. But I chose to fight for myself, **** it if it was okay or not,I never really did anything out of the norm tho anyway haha. Still I felt guilty at first but I accepted and became more confident with myself after.
Keep fighting for what you believe in,you are an owbyn person of yourself, we are going to carey out our dutys of loving our parents and trying to understand them but also doing oursleves justice living our life the way want. You parents dont want to see you be sad they just want you to be a secure adult so you won't sturggle but that doesnt mean you dont know what you are doing and they keep controlling you. Trust yourself.