I can't be with the one I love/ who loves me?

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 9 months ago
#1
I've liked this guy for a while now, and we've been talking, flirting.
Just recently our discussion has become more serious.

He's told me that if we were to be an item, his dad would kill him (not literally ofc haha). There is a cultural difference which my family would be okay with.

It's quite sad that we can't be together even though we want to, and I know this probably sounds silly but it feels like my first heartbreak even though we never had the chance to start anything.

Thank you if you have taken the time to read this.

What can I do? 😭
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meowoof
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#2
Report 9 months ago
#2
Your first heartbreak is always intense, and feels like the end of the world. Many people have been there, and can appreciate (in part) how you must feel. However, I have watched many friends try to bridge gaps between what their partners' parents want, and what they want as a couple. It very rarely works out, and you have your whole life ahead of you to meet people and fall in love. If this guy isn't willing to take the risk of angering his parents, then that's his choice to make. If you do get together, it's highly likely that you'll be a secret, which is a very strange dynamic in a relationship, very prone to turning toxic. It sounds like you are both young, and probably still reliant on your parents, so his reluctance to cross them is understandable. However, that's not your problem. If I were you, knowing that pursuing this is likely to lead to more emotional turmoil and complication, I would go for a clean break. Being friends in the future may be possible, but hanging around him right now (if it's clear a relationship is not an option) will not help you at all. It's your decision. I'm very sad for you that a cultural divide has affected you in this way. When they work, cross-cultural relationships are the best (I speak from experience). Value yourself, and remember that you don't deserve to come second.
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Anonymous #1
#3
Report Thread starter 9 months ago
#3
Thank you so much for taking the time to respond. The thing is we both go to the same school, we don't see each other that much in school though. And we're in the middle of exams and I need to focus but it's just so hard now.
Thank you for helping me to see the situation how it really is, I genuinely appreciate your help.
(Original post by meowoof)
Your first heartbreak is always intense, and feels like the end of the world. Many people have been there, and can appreciate (in part) how you must feel. However, I have watched many friends try to bridge gaps between what their partners' parents want, and what they want as a couple. It very rarely works out, and you have your whole life ahead of you to meet people and fall in love. If this guy isn't willing to take the risk of angering his parents, then that's his choice to make. If you do get together, it's highly likely that you'll be a secret, which is a very strange dynamic in a relationship, very prone to turning toxic. It sounds like you are both young, and probably still reliant on your parents, so his reluctance to cross them is understandable. However, that's not your problem. If I were you, knowing that pursuing this is likely to lead to more emotional turmoil and complication, I would go for a clean break. Being friends in the future may be possible, but hanging around him right now (if it's clear a relationship is not an option) will not help you at all. It's your decision. I'm very sad for you that a cultural divide has affected you in this way. When they work, cross-cultural relationships are the best (I speak from experience). Value yourself, and remember that you don't deserve to come second.
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meowoof
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#4
Report 9 months ago
#4
(Original post by Anonymous)
Thank you so much for taking the time to respond. The thing is we both go to the same school, we don't see each other that much in school though. And we're in the middle of exams and I need to focus but it's just so hard now.
Thank you for helping me to see the situation how it really is, I genuinely appreciate your help.
No worries! I know it's hard, but don't let a boy derail your academic progress. Find the strength to put him on the back burner whilst you do the work which will get you where you want to go. If you let it distract you from your goals, you will be very annoyed with yourself later on in life.
Best of luck!
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londonmyst
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#5
Report 9 months ago
#5
Just move on and avoid any close contact with him.
He either does not want to risk a relationship with you or is using that reason as an excuse to not get romantically involved with you.
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Anonymous #1
#6
Report Thread starter 9 months ago
#6
He did say that he doesn't mind telling his parents that he's out at sports practise (this is a big part of his life) when he's with me but I told him that it's best to leave it if he's always going to be worried about getting caught. Because if he did get caught lying I think it'd be far worse than if he told them straight up. It's just an innocent teenage thing I guess, but it doesn't sound like his parents would still understand.
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