my sis has got her boyfriend round

OP

Tarts_n_Vicars

If it is really bugging you as much it seems then why not just ask him to leave? Your sister will most likely be peeved but her being narked is the lesser of two evils when up against "disrespecting" your parents.

I have to say though, parents are over protective about most things. And you've said you trust your sis....so I can't see why you're getting so worked up about it. It's not like your parents are going to know you let the bf come over, and if they're just having fun and not hatching a plan for world domination I honestly can't see the harm.

Nah, I wouldn't ask him to leave. He seems nicer than her last boyfriend and his dad is coming to fetch him at 10 anyway.

Reply 22

OP

MattG

you sound like fun

I understand you repsect your parents and all but surely you should respect your sisters right to choose what she wants to do? even if it doesn't correpsond with your parents wishes?

Sorry, but respecting my parents' wishes wins over respecting my sister's right to do what she wants every time.

Reply 23

button16

I'm 17, my brother and sister are alot older than me (24 and 29) yet still live at home. They give me space when my boyfriend is round and don't go trying to catch us out. He is allowed to stay the night with me. I believe that the attitude you aren't allowed to do this till you get to uni, will be more likely to cause you to go off the rails at uni as there is no-one there to say don't do this.

Reply 24

OP

I somehow doubt she'll go off the rails when she goes to uni, she isn't really the type. She's quite a sensible sort and wants to read Medicine so will have to work quite hard (although I've heard that med students are the wildest of them all :p:

).
I'm sorry if I come across as uptight, it's very probable that I'd feel differently if I'd had boyfriends before I went to uni. I'm still in my first serious relationship (16 months and counting) so I'm not closed to the idea that this rather skewers my view on things.

Reply 25

Barny

17

Stuff like this really makes me angry, shes 17, what she does with her life is entirely up to her.

Reply 26

AllergicToFairydust

I can completely see your point of view. Yes your sister is 17 but your parents have "rules" about certain things which happen in your house - my parents are the same. You bent those rules and comprised with your sister by allowing him to come over on the condition nothing happened.

Your sister in return ignore this and I would think the pharse "given an inch takes a mile" would come into play. If your parents were just out for the day and they came back suddenly, you would have the row for not stopping him being there because they trusted you and you trusted her.

While I understand this, I don't like the idea of you acting as though you need to stop your sister from having sex at all costs (no offence meant). I think this is where the mum side of you stops and the sister begins.

My mum didn't want me having sex until I was in a steady, long relationship but in the end, for me, I didn't obey that and my mum still doesn't know I slept with a boy I had only been seeing for 2 weeks. My mum has never found out that I did because I didn't do it under her nose.

You have to accept the fact your sister may have her views on sex to your own and your parents. You have to understand that she isn't doing this to hurt you or your parents but it is because she is a different person with her own opinions.

Angelil

The door is open now and has remained so. I respect my sister for that.
The reason I was unhappy with it being closed is because I respect my parents and I wouldn't want anything to go on that they have specifically spoken against/would be unhappy with. Mum has already spoken about them not being in a room alone with the door closed and has also made it clear to my sister that she doesn't want her to start a sexual relationship before she goes off to uni. Believe it or not, I respect my parents and I consequently feel a duty to do what they would do in the same situation.

Reply 27

dogtanian

16

x.narb.x

Stuff like this really makes me angry, shes 17, what she does with her life is entirely up to her.

But her parents have a problem with it.

Whether you agree with that or not, her sister has clearly put the OP in a difficult situation. That smacks of disrespect, and I wouldn't be that happy about it.

Reply 28

OP

Thanks, a_musical_gal. As I already said, what they do in private is their business and I don't care what she does in private. However, I took offence to her having the door shut when she knows my parents' views on this, and it takes the piss when I've allowed her to have him round without my parents being here (which they wouldn't be happy with either).
Rep for you too when I'm allowed.

Reply 29

notsoperfect

you make it sound as if you never snook around when you were younger. everybody does. or a lot of people, anyway.

leave them alone and stop interfering!

Reply 30

OP

Call me what you like, but no, I didn't actually.

Reply 31

AllergicToFairydust

Hey thanks for the offering the rep but I am gald to help.

My relationship with my own mother has gone from bad to worse recently and there is no hope of repairing it (she has disowned me!) - I don't want the same to happen to others.

People need Mums - it just so happened mine was a Witch

Angelil

Thanks, a_musical_gal. As I already said, what they do in private is their business and I don't care what she does in private. However, I took offence to her having the door shut when she knows my parents' views on this, and it takes the piss when I've allowed her to have him round without my parents being here (which they wouldn't be happy with either).
Rep for you too when I'm allowed.

Reply 32

Atomik

9

Jesus, dude, she's 17; lighten up! It isn't against the law to have sexual intercourse at 17; you and your parents should stop being so damn controlling. Can you remember having a boyfriend at 17 years of age? Or are you just jealous? Seriously, I can see why you'd WANT to be protective, but you can't! She has as much right as you do to have sexual intercourse/do whatever she wants with her partner.

Reply 33

notsoperfect

ok - well even if you didn't, i think that her life is her life and you should just leave her alone. it's a lot less embarrassing for both of you that way!

Reply 34

OP

Atomik

Jesus, dude, she's 17; lighten up! It isn't against the law to have sexual intercourse at 17; you and your parents should stop being so damn controlling. Can you remember having a boyfriend at 17 years of age? Or are you just jealous? Seriously, I can see why you'd WANT to be protective, but you can't! She has as much right as you do to have sexual intercourse/do whatever she wants with her partner.

I'm not denying her right to do what she wants with him - just not while she's under my responsibility, thanks.
And as I already said, I didn't have a boyfriend before I went to uni, but no, I'm not jealous in the slightest. None of the blokes I met before I was 18 were anything special, so there's nothing to be jealous of... :confused:

Reply 35

Atomik

9

Angelil

As for why I'm looking after her, as it were, I reiterate that I'm not babysitting her or anything, my parents have been out of the country since Friday morning and will not be back until Monday morning. She is a minor and I am expected to be responsible for her over the course of the weekend. If you want some legal weight, I am in addition named in my parents' wills as my sister's legal guardian if anything was to happen to them before she was 18.

Uh, well, she's not really a minor, now, is she? You know that 16 year olds are legally allowed to live on their own? Jeez.

And your parents sound like authoritarian...meanies...

Reply 36

OP

A minor is anyone aged under 18...she's not allowed to vote and is entitled to a different minimum wage to over-18s. I'm sure there are other examples I could give as to why she's a minor, but can't think of them right now.

Reply 37

Atomik

9

Angelil

Believe it or not, I respect my parents and I consequently feel a duty to do what they would do in the same situation.

I respect my parents too. But they have no right to tell a 17 year old whether she can have sex or not. That's just downright disgusting, if you ask me.

Reply 38

Shéamais

11

Atomik

Uh, well, she's not really a minor, now, is she? You know that 16 year olds are legally allowed to live on their own? Jeez.

And your parents sound like authoritarian...meanies...

My mum makes Hitler look like weak.

Reply 39

AllergicToFairydust