Depression Society MkII Watch

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jonathan122
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#7421
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#7421
I just hate the looks that I get from people.
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vapid slut magician
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#7422
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#7422
(Original post by jonathan122)
I just hate the looks that I get from people.
just ignore them and make some better friends.
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FizzBitch
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#7423
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#7423
(Original post by vapid slut magician)
I don't think I can finish this year. It seems like forever left to go. I feel like if I stay here then something really bad will happen. I don't need the degree, I'm not happy here, and I'm not that interested in the work I'm doing.

I really want to leave because it's stressing me out so much, but I don't want to be that failure who thought they were so great and just end up back home with nothing while everyone has jobs or are studying for PhDs. I just can't deal with what my parents and other people will think and I have nothing else to do with my life or my time, I'd just be going back to nothing. Plus this year has cost a fortune and I won't get much money back if I leave now and it'll all be for nothing. But then if I stay ill pay even more money and I doubt I'll care that much when I actually get the degree because it's worthless anyway.

Sorry.
I get how you feel, although you are in a more difficult situation as your course involves a lot of money...It's just like being trapped, you don't want to stay, but if you leave it will cause lots of other problems, and you're back to thinking "what am I going to do with my life?". It's a tricky situation
I think I'm gonna try to carry on till summer and see how I'm doing then.

What degree are you doing? If it really is worthless I would say drop out, but I know it's easier said than done!
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vapid slut magician
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#7424
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#7424
(Original post by Fizz*****)

What degree are you doing? If it really is worthless I would say drop out, but I know it's easier said than done!
It's an art history masters. I have my undergrad degree already, which makes it easier in that I dont *need* this degree at all... but also harder because I feel like I *should* be doing a higher degree. Arghh.
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fire2burn
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#7425
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#7425
Not sure where else to post this... tried to take my own life last night. Failed at that just like I fail at life. And the most horrible thing is that I cant find it inside myself to say thank you to the ambulance crew that saved me because i still feel that they should have left me. That's a terrible thing to say I know... I wish I didn't have BPD it's ruining my life and even with psychiatric care nothing seems to be improving, nothing is getting better. I just wish I could find myself, I cant even remember who I am any more. Does anyone look at pictures from the past and not recognise themselves? Do you view it as an alien memory? It's like my brain has locked me out and my coping mechanisms that served me well as a child have come back to reign havoc on my life. I can't see the point in continuing any more, I've gone from getting 1st's to getting nothing, uni have forced me to take time off, I don't have anything to look forwards too or anything to achieve any more.

Blah... what a rubbish post. Sorry.
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vapid slut magician
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#7426
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#7426
(Original post by fire2burn)
It's like my brain has locked me out and my coping mechanisms that served me well as a child have come back to reign havoc on my life. I can't see the point in continuing any more, I've gone from getting 1st's to getting nothing, uni have forced me to take time off, I don't have anything to look forwards too or anything to achieve any more.

Blah... what a rubbish post. Sorry.
I had a run in with police and general people trying to convince me not to top myself last night too. I feel so guilty for wasting people's time and making them get up late at night. I feel like that with coping mechanisms. The only things I can think of are violence, suicide, or drink and drugs. Everytime something bad happens I just think 'I should kill myself and then this will go away', or I get drunk, or I lash out. It's ridiculous to be 24 and not even have the coping strategies of a toddler
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Laus
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#7427
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#7427
(Original post by vapid slut magician)
I had a run in with police and general people trying to convince me not to top myself last night too. I feel so guilty for wasting people's time and making them get up late at night. I feel like that with coping mechanisms. The only things I can think of are violence, suicide, or drink and drugs. Everytime something bad happens I just think 'I should kill myself and then this will go away', or I get drunk, or I lash out. It's ridiculous to be 24 and not even have the coping strategies of a toddler
I'm glad you're still here :hugs:. If I was a police officer, I wouldn't think you wasted my time. I hope we can all develop healthy coping strategies... I don't know why it's hard for some people and easier for others. I guess it's just the way our minds work, for whatever reason(s).
Nothos
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#7428
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#7428
(Original post by vapid slut magician)
I had a run in with police and general people trying to convince me not to top myself last night too. I feel so guilty for wasting people's time and making them get up late at night. I feel like that with coping mechanisms. The only things I can think of are violence, suicide, or drink and drugs. Everytime something bad happens I just think 'I should kill myself and then this will go away', or I get drunk, or I lash out. It's ridiculous to be 24 and not even have the coping strategies of a toddler
:hugs: I know how it feels, I know how hard it can be to cope sometimes, but it's not your fault, it doesn't make you weak, it doesn't reflect on you as a person.

And I'm so glad that you're still here. No one begrudges helping you at all, okay?
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Origin of the pancake
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#7429
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#7429
:sad:

I honestly need to get a grip, Im getting jealous of people i shouldnt be jealous of, im getting attached to people who dont give a **** about me, i am craving people around me which isnt always possible. But im pushing people away at the same time. Im being my own worst enemy, and i know its because im wanting to fill a hole, but i dont think i will ever fill the hole no matter what i try and do.
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Nothos
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#7430
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#7430
I want to go to bed, but I keep getting nightmares because of the citalopram, so I'm scared to do it. They're always about my abusive father, it's like being a kid again

And it doesn't help that my ex keeps rubbing in how much she loves her new boyfriend who isn't mental and doesn't scare her with a tonne of emotional issues :cry:
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vapid slut magician
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#7431
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#7431
(Original post by Origin of the pancake)
:sad:

I honestly need to get a grip, Im getting jealous of people i shouldnt be jealous of, im getting attached to people who dont give a **** about me, i am craving people around me which isnt always possible. But im pushing people away at the same time. Im being my own worst enemy, and i know its because im wanting to fill a hole, but i dont think i will ever fill the hole no matter what i try and do.
ugh I do all of those things too. and the crazier I feel, the worse they get. like I get upset when people post on other people's facebook walls even though most the time I don't give a crap. it's ridiculous. It makes living so so painful.
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Origin of the pancake
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#7432
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#7432
(Original post by vapid slut magician)
ugh I do all of those things too. and the crazier I feel, the worse they get. like I get upset when people post on other people's facebook walls even though most the time I don't give a crap. it's ridiculous. It makes living so so painful.
:hugs: Glad im not the only one then. It really does suck, and i get the same thing where seeing people talking to others etc makes me feel really upset and i get paranoid and its stupid and i know deep down it is, but its so hard not being like it.
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Laus
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#7433
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#7433
I get like that about facebook as well. Select option and click on 'know less about this person', so your home page won't be bombarded with **** about their lives. I have really weird dreams on citalopram too, Bruce. Though yours sound particularly nasty. :hugs: I think you need to cut your ex off for a while. She obviously isn't helping :hugs: You deserve better than that.
Nothos
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#7434
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#7434
(Original post by Laus)
I get like that about facebook as well. Select option and click on 'know less about this person', so your home page won't be bombarded with **** about their lives. I have really weird dreams on citalopram too, Bruce. Though yours sound particularly nasty. :hugs: I think you need to cut your ex off for a while. She obviously isn't helping :hugs: You deserve better than that.
:hugs: Thank you
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vapid slut magician
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#7435
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#7435
don't know what to do with myself, or my life. I'm so sick of everything and everyone. I desperately want to lose weight but I'm always hungry. My sleep patterns are sliding back and im sleeping longer and longer. I need to stop drinking but it means not going out with people because I know I can't control myself and that I'll drink because I don't have a reason not to. If you say you're not drinking you get told you need to loosen up or something- you can't exactly say 'well I don't want to get arrested or off myself'.
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Pocket Calculator
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#7436
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#7436
here comes the anxiety again. shame, it's such a nice day. ugh.
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jonathan122
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#7437
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#7437
Thought I would feel better today, but it's not happening.
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jonathan122
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#7438
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#7438
Why can't I forget these people and move on. :cry: I know I'm not a bad person.
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jonathan122
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#7439
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#7439
:cry: Wish I could post something constructive.
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becki08
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#7440
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#7440
(Original post by jonathan122)
:cry: Wish I could post something constructive.
:hugs:
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