This discussion is closed.
TK
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#1
Report Thread starter 16 years ago
#1
anyone got any good ones?
0
thefish_uk
Badges: 14
Rep:
?
#2
Report 16 years ago
#2
(Original post by Tinykates)
anyone got any good ones?
I've heard this one a few times:

What's white and sits in the corner?
A naughty fridge.

I have a couple of really dirty ones too...
0
Nicci_babe
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#3
Report 16 years ago
#3
(Original post by thefish_uk)
I've heard this one a few times:

What's white and sits in the corner?
A naughty fridge.

I have a couple of really dirty ones too...

U can tell the dirty ones lol

and

What did one snowman say to another?

"Can you smell carrots?"
0
Adhsur
Badges: 14
Rep:
?
#4
Report 16 years ago
#4
(Original post by thefish_uk)
I've heard this one a few times:

What's white and sits in the corner?
A naughty fridge.

I have a couple of really dirty ones too...
*groan* lol. :rolleyes:
0
TK
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#5
Report Thread starter 16 years ago
#5
(Original post by Nicci_babe)
U can tell the dirty ones lol

and

What did one snowman say to another?

"Can you smell carrots?"
lol - is that from a cracker by any chance? Good one though. Yeah you can tell the dirty ones
0
ilovecjs
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#6
Report 16 years ago
#6
My apologies in advance for these lame pirate jokes.
Why pirates?
Meh. I dunno.

A pirate captain walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants. The bartender looks up from the counter and says: "Hey! What is a steering wheel doing in your pants?" To this, the pirate captain replies: " Arr! It's driving me nuts!"

Q: What does a pirate say when he takes over Santa's job?
A: Ho ho ho and a bottle of rum!

Q: How much did the pirate pay to get his ears pierced?
A: A buccaneer.

Q: What did the pirate say to the pretty girl?
A: Yo, ho.

A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened, you look terrible!" "What do you mean?" the pirate replies, "I'm fine." The bartender says, "But what about that wooden leg? You didn't have that before." "Well," says the pirate, "We were in a battle at sea and a cannon ball hit my leg but the surgeon fixed me up, and I'm fine, really." "Yeah," says the bartender, "But what about that hook? Last time I saw you, you had both hands." "Well," says the pirate, "We were in another battle and we boarded the enemy ship. I was in a sword fight and my hand was cut off but the surgeon fixed me up with this hook, and I feel great, really." "Oh," says the bartender, "What about that eye patch? Last time you were in here you had both eyes." "Well," says the pirate, "One day when we were at sea, some birds were flying over the ship. I looked up, and one of them **** in my eye." "So?" replied the bartender, "what happened? You couldn't have lost an eye just from some bird poo!" "Well," says the pirate, "I really wasn't used to the hook yet."

Q: Have you heard about the new pirate movie?
A: It's rated AARRRRGGH!

Q: Why was the movie rated Arr?
A: BECAUSE OF ALL THE BOOTY!

Q: What lies at the bottom of the ocean and quivers?
A: A nervous wreck.

Q: How did the pirate stop smoking?
A: He used the patch!

Once there was a tricky pirate working his deceptions on the crewmembers of his ship. Since many of the crew frequently lost their lives, the tricky pirate had a new audience nearly every week, so he could play the same tricks over and over. But there was a snag to the tricky pirate's wily ways. The captain's parrot saw each performance week after week and eventually caught on to how they were performed. From then on, when the pirate was doing his tricks, the parrot began blurting out the secrets behind them. "The coin is in his other hand!" "The rabbit's under the table!" "All the cards are the ace of hearts!" The tricky pirate was fuming, but he couldn't do a thing. After all, it was the captain's parrot spoiling all his fun. One fateful day, rats burrowed through the hull and the ship sank. The tricky pirate found himself floating on a piece of wood in the middle of the ocean. Ironically, the parrot was sharing the same piece of wood. They stared at each other in extreme disgust, but did not say a thing. This went on for a couple of days until the parrot finally, "I give up. Where's the ship?"

Q: How is a soprano like a pirate?
A: They're both murder on the high Cs.
0
TK
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#7
Report Thread starter 16 years ago
#7
(Original post by Tinykates)
anyone got any good ones?
please notice the word GOOD in this
0
ilovecjs
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#8
Report 16 years ago
#8
(Original post by Tinykates)
please notice the word GOOD in this
Oh right. Soz.
0
thefish_uk
Badges: 14
Rep:
?
#9
Report 16 years ago
#9
(Original post by Tinykates)
lol - is that from a cracker by any chance? Good one though. Yeah you can tell the dirty ones
No. It has the word "F**king" in and that's not allowed on here.
0
TK
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#10
Report Thread starter 16 years ago
#10
(Original post by ilovecjs)
Oh right. Soz.
he he. i wasn't having a go really. thanks for making the effort to post some jokes!
0
Dickie
Badges: 1
Rep:
?
#11
Report 16 years ago
#11
(Original post by thefish_uk)
No. It has the word "F**king" in and that's not allowed on here.
but you just used it!

cant you take it out, or is it vitally important for the humour?
0
ilovecjs
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#12
Report 16 years ago
#12
(Original post by thefish_uk)
No. It has the word "F**king" in and that's not allowed on here.
Then just put stars instead of letters like you did there!^^^
0
TK
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#13
Report Thread starter 16 years ago
#13
(Original post by thefish_uk)
No. It has the word "F**king" in and that's not allowed on here.
but you just used it - put ....... where it occurs in the joke. please. people always want to hear good jokes and i don't know any i thought it would be good if we could all share our best ones.
0
ilovecjs
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#14
Report 16 years ago
#14
Come oooooon! Tell us the dirty joke dammit! Less rules. More joke.
0
TK
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#15
Report Thread starter 16 years ago
#15
(Original post by ilovecjs)
Come oooooon! Tell us the dirty joke dammit! Less rules. More joke.
who's rule is it?
0
Perplexed
Badges: 8
Rep:
?
#16
Report 16 years ago
#16
Here's one I was told by a friend today... (I deservedly hounded him afterwards).

A student came home from school seeming rather depressed.

"What’s the matter, son?" asked his mother.

"Aw, gee" said the boy, "it’s my marks. They’re all wet."

"What do you mean, 'all wet'?" asked the mother.

"I mean", he replied, "below C-level."
0
ilovecjs
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#17
Report 16 years ago
#17
(Original post by Tinykates)
who's rule is it?
:confused: Wha? :confused:
0
TK
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#18
Report Thread starter 16 years ago
#18
(Original post by ilovecjs)
:confused: Wha? :confused:
the no-swearing rule
0
Nicci_babe
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#19
Report 16 years ago
#19
A drunken man staggered into a Catholic church, sat down in the Confessional and said nothing.
The priest is waiting and waiting and waiting.
The priest coughs to attract the drunk man's attention, but still the man says nothing.
The priest then knocks on the wall three times in a final attempt to get the man to speak.
Finally the drunk replies, ''No use knockin,' pal. There's no paper."
0
ilovecjs
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#20
Report 16 years ago
#20
(Original post by Tinykates)
the no-swearing rule
Some idiot who doesn't like swearing. lol
Just write it like this: f***
0
X
new posts
Back
to top
Latest
My Feed

See more of what you like on
The Student Room

You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

Personalise

How are you feeling ahead of results day?

Very Confident (32)
8.53%
Confident (49)
13.07%
Indifferent (53)
14.13%
Unsure (95)
25.33%
Worried (146)
38.93%

Watched Threads

View All