Turn on thread page Beta
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    anyone got any good ones?
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Tinykates)
    anyone got any good ones?
    I've heard this one a few times:

    What's white and sits in the corner?
    A naughty fridge.

    I have a couple of really dirty ones too...
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by thefish_uk)
    I've heard this one a few times:

    What's white and sits in the corner?
    A naughty fridge.

    I have a couple of really dirty ones too...

    U can tell the dirty ones lol

    and

    What did one snowman say to another?

    "Can you smell carrots?"
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by thefish_uk)
    I've heard this one a few times:

    What's white and sits in the corner?
    A naughty fridge.

    I have a couple of really dirty ones too...
    *groan* lol. :rolleyes:
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Nicci_babe)
    U can tell the dirty ones lol

    and

    What did one snowman say to another?

    "Can you smell carrots?"
    lol - is that from a cracker by any chance? Good one though. Yeah you can tell the dirty ones
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    My apologies in advance for these lame pirate jokes.
    Why pirates?
    Meh. I dunno.

    A pirate captain walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants. The bartender looks up from the counter and says: "Hey! What is a steering wheel doing in your pants?" To this, the pirate captain replies: " Arr! It's driving me nuts!"

    Q: What does a pirate say when he takes over Santa's job?
    A: Ho ho ho and a bottle of rum!

    Q: How much did the pirate pay to get his ears pierced?
    A: A buccaneer.

    Q: What did the pirate say to the pretty girl?
    A: Yo, ho.

    A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened, you look terrible!" "What do you mean?" the pirate replies, "I'm fine." The bartender says, "But what about that wooden leg? You didn't have that before." "Well," says the pirate, "We were in a battle at sea and a cannon ball hit my leg but the surgeon fixed me up, and I'm fine, really." "Yeah," says the bartender, "But what about that hook? Last time I saw you, you had both hands." "Well," says the pirate, "We were in another battle and we boarded the enemy ship. I was in a sword fight and my hand was cut off but the surgeon fixed me up with this hook, and I feel great, really." "Oh," says the bartender, "What about that eye patch? Last time you were in here you had both eyes." "Well," says the pirate, "One day when we were at sea, some birds were flying over the ship. I looked up, and one of them **** in my eye." "So?" replied the bartender, "what happened? You couldn't have lost an eye just from some bird poo!" "Well," says the pirate, "I really wasn't used to the hook yet."

    Q: Have you heard about the new pirate movie?
    A: It's rated AARRRRGGH!

    Q: Why was the movie rated Arr?
    A: BECAUSE OF ALL THE BOOTY!

    Q: What lies at the bottom of the ocean and quivers?
    A: A nervous wreck.

    Q: How did the pirate stop smoking?
    A: He used the patch!

    Once there was a tricky pirate working his deceptions on the crewmembers of his ship. Since many of the crew frequently lost their lives, the tricky pirate had a new audience nearly every week, so he could play the same tricks over and over. But there was a snag to the tricky pirate's wily ways. The captain's parrot saw each performance week after week and eventually caught on to how they were performed. From then on, when the pirate was doing his tricks, the parrot began blurting out the secrets behind them. "The coin is in his other hand!" "The rabbit's under the table!" "All the cards are the ace of hearts!" The tricky pirate was fuming, but he couldn't do a thing. After all, it was the captain's parrot spoiling all his fun. One fateful day, rats burrowed through the hull and the ship sank. The tricky pirate found himself floating on a piece of wood in the middle of the ocean. Ironically, the parrot was sharing the same piece of wood. They stared at each other in extreme disgust, but did not say a thing. This went on for a couple of days until the parrot finally, "I give up. Where's the ship?"

    Q: How is a soprano like a pirate?
    A: They're both murder on the high Cs.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Tinykates)
    anyone got any good ones?
    please notice the word GOOD in this
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Tinykates)
    please notice the word GOOD in this
    Oh right. Soz.
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Tinykates)
    lol - is that from a cracker by any chance? Good one though. Yeah you can tell the dirty ones
    No. It has the word "F**king" in and that's not allowed on here.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by ilovecjs)
    Oh right. Soz.
    he he. i wasn't having a go really. thanks for making the effort to post some jokes!
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by thefish_uk)
    No. It has the word "F**king" in and that's not allowed on here.
    but you just used it!

    cant you take it out, or is it vitally important for the humour?
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by thefish_uk)
    No. It has the word "F**king" in and that's not allowed on here.
    Then just put stars instead of letters like you did there!^^^
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by thefish_uk)
    No. It has the word "F**king" in and that's not allowed on here.
    but you just used it - put ....... where it occurs in the joke. please. people always want to hear good jokes and i don't know any i thought it would be good if we could all share our best ones.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Come oooooon! Tell us the dirty joke dammit! Less rules. More joke.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by ilovecjs)
    Come oooooon! Tell us the dirty joke dammit! Less rules. More joke.
    who's rule is it?
    Offline

    8
    ReputationRep:
    Here's one I was told by a friend today... (I deservedly hounded him afterwards).

    A student came home from school seeming rather depressed.

    "What’s the matter, son?" asked his mother.

    "Aw, gee" said the boy, "it’s my marks. They’re all wet."

    "What do you mean, 'all wet'?" asked the mother.

    "I mean", he replied, "below C-level."
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Tinykates)
    who's rule is it?
    :confused: Wha? :confused:
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by ilovecjs)
    :confused: Wha? :confused:
    the no-swearing rule
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    A drunken man staggered into a Catholic church, sat down in the Confessional and said nothing.
    The priest is waiting and waiting and waiting.
    The priest coughs to attract the drunk man's attention, but still the man says nothing.
    The priest then knocks on the wall three times in a final attempt to get the man to speak.
    Finally the drunk replies, ''No use knockin,' pal. There's no paper."
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Tinykates)
    the no-swearing rule
    Some idiot who doesn't like swearing. lol
    Just write it like this: f***
 
 
 
Turn on thread page Beta
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: January 13, 2004
Poll
How are you feeling in the run-up to Results Day 2018?
Useful resources

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.