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Not really getting on with this guy in my friendship group…

In my friendship group, there’s this guy who I originally got on with at first but I feel in the last four months, he has got too comfortable. Every conversation I have with him, he will always make a joke at my expense (whether that’s 1-1 or in a group). Sometimes I’d be fine with it and even bounce back, other times I would feel a bit uneasy as it felt more like he was trying to humiliate me. One time in January, I got super ****ed off with him and I made it clear to him that he was crossing the line. I thought after that, he would tone it down. He hasn’t.

I’ve now decided that I won’t be seeing him for that long anyway due to Uni ending very soon. My mindset became to just embrace that that’s gonna be our friendship (if you could call it that). So every time he’d make a joke about me, I’d make a joke back (like it was a boxing press conference). Deep down though, it’s really starting to overwhelm me as I’ll be putting so much energy into trying to make these jokes back at his expense. I don’t really want to ditch my friendship group (there’s 8 of us) because of one person but I also don’t really wanna sit there and not stand up for myself at the same time.
Reply 1
He is humiliating you. You're right. And you're feeding his reason to keep doing that. He's not joking with you, he's telling you how he actually feels about you - but you think it's a joke so he's getting away with it. He's not your friend. The next time he tries that with you hit him back with silence. No matter how much you may want to save face, it will just keep going. By not responding you're not giving him any access to you. If he keeps trying ignore him - act as if he doesn't exist because if he doesn't have the human decency to respect you then don't keep wasting your words on him. You are very valuable and are not a punching bag. And I'm concerned as to why your other friends aren't sticking up for you?... think about that too.
Original post by Anonymous #1
In my friendship group, there’s this guy who I originally got on with at first but I feel in the last four months, he has got too comfortable. Every conversation I have with him, he will always make a joke at my expense (whether that’s 1-1 or in a group). Sometimes I’d be fine with it and even bounce back, other times I would feel a bit uneasy as it felt more like he was trying to humiliate me. One time in January, I got super ****ed off with him and I made it clear to him that he was crossing the line. I thought after that, he would tone it down. He hasn’t.
I’ve now decided that I won’t be seeing him for that long anyway due to Uni ending very soon. My mindset became to just embrace that that’s gonna be our friendship (if you could call it that). So every time he’d make a joke about me, I’d make a joke back (like it was a boxing press conference). Deep down though, it’s really starting to overwhelm me as I’ll be putting so much energy into trying to make these jokes back at his expense. I don’t really want to ditch my friendship group (there’s 8 of us) because of one person but I also don’t really wanna sit there and not stand up for myself at the same time.

He's trying to be funny, call him out on his ******** and tell him you don't f**k with it.

If he starts to get rowdy you'll need to give him a good beating and then he'll understand how the game goes.

Never let people say bad on your name, that's disrespect.
Original post by Anonymous #1
In my friendship group, there’s this guy who I originally got on with at first but I feel in the last four months, he has got too comfortable. Every conversation I have with him, he will always make a joke at my expense (whether that’s 1-1 or in a group). Sometimes I’d be fine with it and even bounce back, other times I would feel a bit uneasy as it felt more like he was trying to humiliate me. One time in January, I got super ****ed off with him and I made it clear to him that he was crossing the line. I thought after that, he would tone it down. He hasn’t.
I’ve now decided that I won’t be seeing him for that long anyway due to Uni ending very soon. My mindset became to just embrace that that’s gonna be our friendship (if you could call it that). So every time he’d make a joke about me, I’d make a joke back (like it was a boxing press conference). Deep down though, it’s really starting to overwhelm me as I’ll be putting so much energy into trying to make these jokes back at his expense. I don’t really want to ditch my friendship group (there’s 8 of us) because of one person but I also don’t really wanna sit there and not stand up for myself at the same time.

That's wrong, you've tried confronting him and you did right by that you set your boundaries clear, my best bet is to speak to the rest of your mates, might just be a thing us girls do but if you talk to the rest of your mates and make it clear that you don't think this guy's great that he's a bit of a ******** or whatever, even if they might not see it themselves they could and should theoretically support your decisions- and understand. Or if you feel like that it's not worth your energy (and understandable if it's not), then cut them all off. Sounds to me this guy's massively insecure and frankly, a bit of a **** and one should hope one of these days if it's not you, then he'd get checked into place by someone else, because humiliating someone repeatedly for no reason is a bit pathetic isn't it.
Original post by Anonymous #1
In my friendship group, there’s this guy who I originally got on with at first but I feel in the last four months, he has got too comfortable. Every conversation I have with him, he will always make a joke at my expense (whether that’s 1-1 or in a group). Sometimes I’d be fine with it and even bounce back, other times I would feel a bit uneasy as it felt more like he was trying to humiliate me. One time in January, I got super ****ed off with him and I made it clear to him that he was crossing the line. I thought after that, he would tone it down. He hasn’t.
I’ve now decided that I won’t be seeing him for that long anyway due to Uni ending very soon. My mindset became to just embrace that that’s gonna be our friendship (if you could call it that). So every time he’d make a joke about me, I’d make a joke back (like it was a boxing press conference). Deep down though, it’s really starting to overwhelm me as I’ll be putting so much energy into trying to make these jokes back at his expense. I don’t really want to ditch my friendship group (there’s 8 of us) because of one person but I also don’t really wanna sit there and not stand up for myself at the same time.
Oh my days, this is so so relatable. I've had something very similar happen to me. Firstly, set your boundaries and make them very clear. If he doesn't respect them, show him the cold shoulder and mingle with your other friends more. Avoid him and conversations with him as well, if absolutely necessary, give him one word responses and for things that are unimportant, just ignore him. Don't even respond to his remarks that humiliate you, it isn't worth it and he may be taking out his insecurities on you which was the same with my case. Ignoring him would force him to respect your boundaries and don't feel any sort of pressure when setting your boundaries because you are your own person and you decide what makes you comfortable. Lastly, speak to your other friends about it, if they're true, they'll definitely understand
(edited 2 months ago)
Original post by Anonymous #1
In my friendship group, there’s this guy who I originally got on with at first but I feel in the last four months, he has got too comfortable. Every conversation I have with him, he will always make a joke at my expense (whether that’s 1-1 or in a group). Sometimes I’d be fine with it and even bounce back, other times I would feel a bit uneasy as it felt more like he was trying to humiliate me. One time in January, I got super ****ed off with him and I made it clear to him that he was crossing the line. I thought after that, he would tone it down. He hasn’t.
I’ve now decided that I won’t be seeing him for that long anyway due to Uni ending very soon. My mindset became to just embrace that that’s gonna be our friendship (if you could call it that). So every time he’d make a joke about me, I’d make a joke back (like it was a boxing press conference). Deep down though, it’s really starting to overwhelm me as I’ll be putting so much energy into trying to make these jokes back at his expense. I don’t really want to ditch my friendship group (there’s 8 of us) because of one person but I also don’t really wanna sit there and not stand up for myself at the same time.
Have you considered speaking to your other friends about how you feel? You mentioned not wanting to leave your full friendship group, but if one person is perhaps bullying you, or at least being unkind to you, your friends might not want to continue to be friends with this individual, so perhaps you could distance yourself from this one person, while keeping the rest of your friends.
Reply 6
Thanks guys for your advice! I spoke to my girlfriend the other night and she told me she had been a bit alarmed before by how he’d interact with me, but because I started making jokes back at his expense; she wasn’t sure whether I actually did find it funny and took it as a joke. She told me she would never know how to react. She says from now on she’s not gonna crack the smallest of smiles at any of his jokes, no matter who they’re aimed at or what they’re about. When I go back to Uni, my approach with him is gonna be very different from now on. When I think about the things he’s said to me, I genuinely get angry. I’m gonna talk to my other friends too

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