Am I being an idiot?

Well its about smoking and I guess trust. Been going out with my girlfriend 2 and a half years. Before I went out with her she use to smoke, which I said I didn't like and wouldn't go out with her if she did(I have asthma, bought up to hate smoking, smells disgusting etc etc)

Now she has a new friend who smokes, she goes to the pub sometimes with her and my gf has told me she goes outside with her when she smokes but says she doesn't. I now get nightmares about her smoking and can't get a good nights sleep.

Am I being a control freak? I do trust her I really really do. I'm just worried if she starts smoking I wont be able to go out with her any more, which I really don't want. I'm also quite stereotypical about smokers, I don't want her to mix with the wrong crowd (ie her friend at pubs smoking). I'm going off to Uni in September, I would like her to hang around with nice girls. When I try and talk to her about it she gets really angry :frown:

I think I'm just being my normal idiotic self?

Thanks for reading!

Reply 1

*Dreaming*

15

...You're mad because she has a friend who smokes?

Reply 2

kiss_my_asthma_99

1

How will smoking away from you affect in any way possible?

Reply 3

Roo Bix

11

I think you're being quite petty. She gave up cigarettes to go out with you, that must say something in itself.

Reply 4

Crazy Paving

17

You say you trust her, really?

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by kiss_my_asthma_99

How will smoking away from you affect in any way possible?

She will stink of it when I see her? If I meet someone who smokes I often wheeze because of the tobacco on there clothing.

Original post by *Dreaming*

...You're mad because she has a friend who smokes?

Mad is quite strong, just worried. Worried that she will go back to her old traits of smoking if she hangs around with her friend who smokes often

Original post by Roo Bix

I think you're being quite petty. She gave up cigarettes to go out with you, that must say something in itself.

She didn't really give them up. She was trying it with her friends (who have now gone to college so doesn't really hang around with them) and I said if she continues I won't go out with her.

Reply 6

Rich_183

15

Come on mate, give her a break!

Reply 7

stephie.u3

13

i get that you feel protective of her, its good, it shows you care. but think of it from this perspective...the friend could have been trying to quit for ages, the girl might only smoke when she's in that environment, she might be lovely and accept that your gf doesnt smoke and isnt forcing her to(i'd get your concern if she was)...prioritise things, you want your gf to have fun and have friends, you obv thought she did a good job choosing you so maybe her judgement of this new friend is just as good...is itreally worth throwing away your relationship because you stereotype smokers??
it can be hard to break out of the set ways that you were brought up but i think you still have a lot to consider with this dear :smile:

Reply 8

jonski

Yeh, I think your being a complete tool tbh

Reply 9

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Rich_183

Come on mate, give her a break!

Thought I was being an idiot guess this reaffirms it then lol :colondollar:

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by stephie.u3

i get that you feel protective of her, its good, it shows you care. but think of it from this perspective...the friend could have been trying to quit for ages, the girl might only smoke when she's in that environment, she might be lovely and accept that your gf doesnt smoke and isnt forcing her to(i'd get your concern if she was)...prioritise things, you want your gf to have fun and have friends, you obv thought she did a good job choosing you so maybe her judgement of this new friend is just as good...is itreally worth throwing away your relationship because you stereotype smokers??
it can be hard to break out of the set ways that you were brought up but i think you still have a lot to consider with this dear :smile:

Thanks for your post has been really helpful! I think thats exactly what I'm feeling protective :redface:

. Most likely again because of the way I was brought up (over protective mum).

I think I will just try and calm myself down, wont mention anything about it again to her however keep an eye out of signs of her smoking. Then confront her about it, dunno what I would do after that if she said yes :/

Reply 11

stephie.u3

13

Original post by Anonymous

Thanks for your post has been really helpful! I think thats exactly what I'm feeling protective :redface:

. Most likely again because of the way I was brought up (over protective mum).

I think I will just try and calm myself down, wont mention anything about it again to her however keep an eye out of signs of her smoking. Then confront her about it, dunno what I would do after that if she said yes :/

aww glad i could help :smile:

if she says yes... dont. flip. out. she might be finding things hard so yeahh just chat about it calmly but she's more likely to be responsive if you ask her about it from her point of view (why she's doing it, is everything okayy, did her mate pressure her, how long has she been considering it)...trying to make her feel sorry for you may just end badly if she gets frustrated by it. it could be a learning experience for the pair of you :wink:

Reply 12

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by stephie.u3

aww glad i could help :smile:

if she says yes... dont. flip. out. she might be finding things hard so yeahh just chat about it calmly but she's more likely to be responsive if you ask her about it from her point of view (why she's doing it, is everything okayy, did her mate pressure her, how long has she been considering it)...trying to make her feel sorry for you may just end badly if she gets frustrated by it. it could be a learning experience for the pair of you :wink:

I dunno though, I think the whole reason I don't want her to smoke at all is because I wouldn't be able to be with her at all and therefore have to break up. :frown:

Wah

Original post by Anonymous

I dunno though, I think the whole reason I don't want her to smoke at all is because I wouldn't be able to be with her at all and therefore have to break up. :frown:

Good - maybe she can find someone who doesnt give such douchbag ultimatiums. you sound a right cock end. The fact that smell causes you to "get wheezy" is entirely psychoschamatic.

Going by your statements and your opening post you sound like a freakjob that she would be far better off well away from you and your controlling ways

Reply 15

The Stig

18

Original post by Anonymous

I'm also quite stereotypical about smokers, I don't want her to mix with the wrong crowd (ie her friend at pubs smoking). I'm going off to Uni in September, I would like her to hang around with nice girls. When I try and talk to her about it she gets really angry :frown:

You appear to have the views a toddler would hold on smoking. I don't smoke, nor do many people I know. However it's absolutely ludicrous to even think that just because someone smokes they're 'not nice' or the 'wrong crowd'. That is quite bizzare :lolwut:

I think I'm just being my normal idiotic self?

Yes - if you can't trust your girl friend that's not her problem, it's yours.

Hold Ctrl+F+R+E+A+K

Original post by Anonymous

I dunno though, I think the whole reason I don't want her to smoke at all is because I wouldn't be able to be with her at all and therefore have to break up. :frown:

wel i'm afraid she isnt gonna be happy that you think that can rule out all you have together. each to there own and if you SERIOUSLY feel thats what you need to do then when it comes to it you'll have to be prepared to suffer the consequences:s

Am I being an idiot?

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