The Revamped TSR Asperger's Society!
Scroll to see replies
Original post by Wave
I just thought logically that finding love requires social interaction skills and having AS results in a lack of that so...
Plus why would girls go out with someone weird like me when they could go out with someone normal?
For these reasons I stopped trying after my diagnosis last year and have tried to get used to being alone instead. I'm getting there.
As for you and that other guy i dunno how you did it. Maybe your form is really mild.
Plus why would girls go out with someone weird like me when they could go out with someone normal?
For these reasons I stopped trying after my diagnosis last year and have tried to get used to being alone instead. I'm getting there.
As for you and that other guy i dunno how you did it. Maybe your form is really mild.
Because maybe they're like you too! There are plenty of quiet geeky girls (not necessarily with AS themselves) who find perfectionism and in depth knowledge of a subject sexy
Think Sheldon and Amy in the Big Bang Theory. Also, assuming I'm not alone in this, when I get to know people I go through a 3 stage cycle. 1. I'm very spectrum-y. 2. I know them well enough to attempt being 'normal'. 3. I know them well enough to not feel the need to be normal and know they'll understand when I can't talk or make eye contact or control my voice. Plus it depends on how you personally express your AS. Because I'm crap at real social conversation I tend to be a) very candid and b) very anecdotal. The first got me lots of friends in my teens because people couldn't believe I could just come out and say **** like that. And the latter works as a fairly good conversational substitute until you can manage. They both show I can't do regular conversation, but are far less detrimental to relationships than if I were a silent aspy.
Original post by Zottula
Hello 
how are you doing? It's lecture 2 and I still don't want to talk to the astrophysics people 
Original post by Ivanka
I had a therapy yesterday and I learnt something I can't cope with. Basically, my therapeutist said to me that I'll never be "normal".
It is also important to remember the flip side: most neurotypical people do not have perfect social interaction skills. In fact I don't know a single person that does, and those that are closest have spent a long time developing these skills deliberately. As long as you're always open to learning and admitting your mistakes, you can learn social interaction just like you can learn the piano. It's not weird to do so - everyone does to some extent or other. You're just at a disadvantage because you're an aspie. But hey, me too.
Original post by Mess.
My patterns, routines and interactions are me 
Sounds like you're happy being an aspie. Many aren't. Their patterns, routines and interactions do bad things for their social lives, for example. If you're happy enough, who cares about getting diagnosed?
Hello everyone. Ryan here, I'm personally a NT (Neuro Typical) 18 year old, hoping to go on to study dentistry.
I have 2 brothers. Philip (21) and simon (22) Philip was diagnosed with aspergers at around 3 years of age and simon was diagnosed with A-typical autism and impeaded social development at around 4 years of age.
I feel that having grown up around 2 different forms of autism that i have a very good insight into what it is to have AS. My brother philip in particular, was generally steryotyped as 'the naughty child' when he was younger by naive teachers. I took great pleasure in putting them straight once i was old enough, as did my parents. Philip used to be very violent, especially towards me as a child, i imagain it was the typical toddler jealousy being exacerbated by his AS. He hates and still dislikes loud noises and busy environments. So as a crying baby i was enemy number 1!
The biggest turning point in philips life was music, when he found that everything changed. Philip is an incredibly musician, one of the best i've ever met. He's a percussionist and he's studying orchestral percussion at trinity college of music London. Philip has never excelled at the 'conventional' academic subjects, science, maths and english etc. However, he has always been very good at ICT and Music. Due to being somewhat deleyed in school philip is only halfway through his first year in uni. It's been a difficult couple of months, from where we live london is a massive culture shock and for philip having AS it must be ten times worse. The noise and bussle of london is enough to make even me feel wound up and uncomfortable. But he seems to be coping with it.
Simon still lives at home with me, and my parents. Who incidentally i think are an inspiration in how they've managed to raise me, simon and philip, so well. Despite the obvious difficulties throughout school etc with simon and philip.
Simon is somewhat lower functioning than philip, in that he isn't academically strong in a particular subject, nor does he excell at music in that same way that I or philip do. However, he does have a fantastic memory and and ability to catalogue data, in particular. Data concerned with films and TV shows. We have quite a large DVD collection at home, and if i've moved one, simon knows....almost instinctivley. And if you ask him about a film, he can usually tell you, the director, the gross, the producers, the official ratings as well as a number of other interesting facts. He spend his life at his computer on wikipedia and IMDb. The one thing we would love is for simon to get a job, currently he's volunteering at a local theatre as an usher. He absolutley loves this job and would probably go every night if he could. He gets to watch the films for free and for little effort. Unfortunatley, there is little prospect of paid work coming from here and simon isn't the sort of person who can just do any job, it needs to be something he likes. He can be exceptionally stubborn and he's very very adverse to change. I remember one christmas my parents bought him a portable flatscreen TV for his bedroom when he thought he was getting a stereo. He didn't take it out of its box for a good few months. Thats just how much the change meant to him, he couldn't handle it!
Change in routein especially is something which i have noticed poses problems for autistic people in general. I've grown up in this environment and much of what other people see just seems natural to me these days. For example, people say to me that philip has an american accent. I can't hear it, in the same way that i can't hear my own accent. As far as i'm concerned he sounds welsh like me.
I've had an interesting childhood and one quite like no other in alot of ways, I've found that as an adult i am a much more accepting and open minded individual than i otherwise might have been. Autism teaches you not to judge people i think, Philip and Simon both say things as they see them, with blunt honesty. Sometimes with disaterous consequences. I think that i sometimes have some inhereted traits from them that could be considered aspergers. I could be vey mildly aspergers myself. However, in terms of similarities and differences. Simon and phillip are very much similar to eachother. In looks, build, hair and other ways. I'm very much the odd one out. Growing up, alot of the time, despite being the youngest i invariably found myself the elder figure and have to deal with things myself and care for smion and philip as opposed to the other way round.
Having said all of this. I love my brothers for what they are, and i wouldn't change them for the world. I once read a very good article which described the situation very well. It said that Aspergers syndrome and indeed many other forms of autism and not an affliction, they are not a disease which affects a person, it is what the person is and it forms an intrinsic part of their personality, without it they would simply not be who they are. When people say "i wish my child did not have AS" they are infact saying "i wish i had another child who did not have AS" as this is effectivley the meaning of what they are saying"
When people ask me, what i think having Autism is. My best reply from what i've experienced and talking to philip and simon is that. It's like being an alien on another planet, and you speak a language but not their language. Your language is very close and they understand bits of what your saying, but you can never quite get across what you really want to say. You try as hard as you can to communicate, but you come up against brick walls and embaressment when you try and explain things in your own way, it's often dismissed as nonence and a silly idea. This alien society as well as speaking a different language have different social norms and cultures. You try to understand these but you never really feel quite right and you certainly don't enjoy them in the same way as the other people seem to.
For me, as a person, i want to do as much as i can to make this alien world one which we can all inhabit together. People need to start traeting autism as a personality and not an affliction. If people treated those with autism correctly and with an understanding of the condition, we can begin to bridge the gap and communicate properly and with some degree of fullfillment. It's not much different to how you would treat someone from a foreign culture, that is to say, with an open mind and an appreciation that they may do things slightly different to "the norm".
I realise i'm not really saying this to the right people, but i wanted you guys to know that. There are those out there who understand. Wherever you come in the spectrum, i imagain that you can identify with at least something i've written here. I've written everything that comes to my mind at the moment. I'm sure there is much more. But i don't want to bore anyone.
PS. sorry for the terrible grammar and or spelling.
Hope this has rung true for some of you, please let me know
peace out guys!
I have 2 brothers. Philip (21) and simon (22) Philip was diagnosed with aspergers at around 3 years of age and simon was diagnosed with A-typical autism and impeaded social development at around 4 years of age.
I feel that having grown up around 2 different forms of autism that i have a very good insight into what it is to have AS. My brother philip in particular, was generally steryotyped as 'the naughty child' when he was younger by naive teachers. I took great pleasure in putting them straight once i was old enough, as did my parents. Philip used to be very violent, especially towards me as a child, i imagain it was the typical toddler jealousy being exacerbated by his AS. He hates and still dislikes loud noises and busy environments. So as a crying baby i was enemy number 1!
The biggest turning point in philips life was music, when he found that everything changed. Philip is an incredibly musician, one of the best i've ever met. He's a percussionist and he's studying orchestral percussion at trinity college of music London. Philip has never excelled at the 'conventional' academic subjects, science, maths and english etc. However, he has always been very good at ICT and Music. Due to being somewhat deleyed in school philip is only halfway through his first year in uni. It's been a difficult couple of months, from where we live london is a massive culture shock and for philip having AS it must be ten times worse. The noise and bussle of london is enough to make even me feel wound up and uncomfortable. But he seems to be coping with it.
Simon still lives at home with me, and my parents. Who incidentally i think are an inspiration in how they've managed to raise me, simon and philip, so well. Despite the obvious difficulties throughout school etc with simon and philip.
Simon is somewhat lower functioning than philip, in that he isn't academically strong in a particular subject, nor does he excell at music in that same way that I or philip do. However, he does have a fantastic memory and and ability to catalogue data, in particular. Data concerned with films and TV shows. We have quite a large DVD collection at home, and if i've moved one, simon knows....almost instinctivley. And if you ask him about a film, he can usually tell you, the director, the gross, the producers, the official ratings as well as a number of other interesting facts. He spend his life at his computer on wikipedia and IMDb. The one thing we would love is for simon to get a job, currently he's volunteering at a local theatre as an usher. He absolutley loves this job and would probably go every night if he could. He gets to watch the films for free and for little effort. Unfortunatley, there is little prospect of paid work coming from here and simon isn't the sort of person who can just do any job, it needs to be something he likes. He can be exceptionally stubborn and he's very very adverse to change. I remember one christmas my parents bought him a portable flatscreen TV for his bedroom when he thought he was getting a stereo. He didn't take it out of its box for a good few months. Thats just how much the change meant to him, he couldn't handle it!
Change in routein especially is something which i have noticed poses problems for autistic people in general. I've grown up in this environment and much of what other people see just seems natural to me these days. For example, people say to me that philip has an american accent. I can't hear it, in the same way that i can't hear my own accent. As far as i'm concerned he sounds welsh like me.
I've had an interesting childhood and one quite like no other in alot of ways, I've found that as an adult i am a much more accepting and open minded individual than i otherwise might have been. Autism teaches you not to judge people i think, Philip and Simon both say things as they see them, with blunt honesty. Sometimes with disaterous consequences. I think that i sometimes have some inhereted traits from them that could be considered aspergers. I could be vey mildly aspergers myself. However, in terms of similarities and differences. Simon and phillip are very much similar to eachother. In looks, build, hair and other ways. I'm very much the odd one out. Growing up, alot of the time, despite being the youngest i invariably found myself the elder figure and have to deal with things myself and care for smion and philip as opposed to the other way round.
Having said all of this. I love my brothers for what they are, and i wouldn't change them for the world. I once read a very good article which described the situation very well. It said that Aspergers syndrome and indeed many other forms of autism and not an affliction, they are not a disease which affects a person, it is what the person is and it forms an intrinsic part of their personality, without it they would simply not be who they are. When people say "i wish my child did not have AS" they are infact saying "i wish i had another child who did not have AS" as this is effectivley the meaning of what they are saying"
When people ask me, what i think having Autism is. My best reply from what i've experienced and talking to philip and simon is that. It's like being an alien on another planet, and you speak a language but not their language. Your language is very close and they understand bits of what your saying, but you can never quite get across what you really want to say. You try as hard as you can to communicate, but you come up against brick walls and embaressment when you try and explain things in your own way, it's often dismissed as nonence and a silly idea. This alien society as well as speaking a different language have different social norms and cultures. You try to understand these but you never really feel quite right and you certainly don't enjoy them in the same way as the other people seem to.
For me, as a person, i want to do as much as i can to make this alien world one which we can all inhabit together. People need to start traeting autism as a personality and not an affliction. If people treated those with autism correctly and with an understanding of the condition, we can begin to bridge the gap and communicate properly and with some degree of fullfillment. It's not much different to how you would treat someone from a foreign culture, that is to say, with an open mind and an appreciation that they may do things slightly different to "the norm".
I realise i'm not really saying this to the right people, but i wanted you guys to know that. There are those out there who understand. Wherever you come in the spectrum, i imagain that you can identify with at least something i've written here. I've written everything that comes to my mind at the moment. I'm sure there is much more. But i don't want to bore anyone.
PS. sorry for the terrible grammar and or spelling.
Hope this has rung true for some of you, please let me know
peace out guys!Original post by xoxAngel_Kxox
Eventually he asked me on a date, and I accepted. That was three years ago, now we are talking about getting married and starting a family, although he asks me for a lot of advice about being a parent as he's worried about whether he'll be able to cope.
He'll be fine. And he's got you and family if he struggles. A friend of mine who has AS has a child (they are however, in the crap situation of them all having some form of mental / learning disability) and for the most part, manages.
Original post by Mess.
How would one go about being diagnosed with Aspergers and is there really any point to a diagnoses as opposed to just dealing with any issues you have?
I am at this stage now:
My GP claims there's no point in getting diagnosed and that they (PCT) are really reluctant to diagnose adults who have never had problems (in my case, that's debatable...)
If you do get diagnosed, you are covered under the DDA / Equalities Act when it comes to work, education, accessing services, etc.
t forms an intrinsic part of their personality, without it they would simply not be who they are. When people say "i wish my child did not have AS" they are infact saying "i wish i had another child who did not have AS" as this is effectivley the meaning of what they are saying"
That is so true. I can't imagine a friend of mine (I knew him a year before he sort of got diagnosed) without Autism. He just wouldn't be him. I do remember him once saying "I am lucky" - because he's not on the part of the spectrum whereby he has behaviour problems, no speech, etc. I know someone who is and in all honesty, it's sad.
Original post by cpdavis how are you doing? It's lecture 2 and I still don't want to talk to the astrophysics people
how are you doing? It's lecture 2 and I still don't want to talk to the astrophysics people Good thanks.
Original post by cpdavis
Had a social overload in my lecture today, the asteophysics lecturer doesn't seem to fond of me either 
Sorry to hear that
. I just sit at the front of lectures on my own in an attempt to pretend that the hall isn't full of people and then I don't get so overloaded. It sort of works Original post by LipstickKisses
I just switch off if I'm not interested in the subject, I tend to get very angry if I have to keep studying something I don't like. 
That sounds familiar. I'm having to study GCSE English for the third time. Don't like it all. Would rather do maths and IT.
For instance at school the bullies taught me to keep quiet about liking jazz. To this day even when obviously nobody cares I am still extremely embarrassed to say I like jazz. The memory is still there.
I did used to get teased about my love for, er, Elvis. I was only 16 at the time. I volunteer one morning a week in a charity shop. There's an older lady who listens to 60s and my boss who listens to crap. He once said "I'm sorry about this. But I'm going to put her music on for when she comes in". To which I replied "I would rather listen to that than what you listen to".
Now, I just get looks of "what on earth is that?" My dad once went through my music collection on my computer. His first question was "why do you have songs by Glen Miller on your computer?"
(edited 12 years ago)
Original post by SilverArch
Yep! My worst time was in Year 9 - by the end of the year, I had no real work to show for 6 months of Geography and don't even mention German..I dropped them both with much happiness 
We were all supposed to take 5 extra GCSE's but school decided I only needed to take 4 because all the options in the 5th block were those subjects...Geography, German, PE! I really do love my school...I was able to take just 4 extra all of which I did well in
We were all supposed to take 5 extra GCSE's but school decided I only needed to take 4 because all the options in the 5th block were those subjects...Geography, German, PE! I really do love my school...I was able to take just 4 extra all of which I did well inThis is like me, throughout school I had no work at all, God I hated GCSEs
Original post by OU Student
That sounds familiar. I'm having to study GCSE English for the third time. Don't like it all. Would rather do maths and IT.
I hate the way schools make you pick things to be 'well rounded', why can't we study what we like and are good at? Forcing someone to study something they hate isn't going to get anyone anywhere...
Original post by LipstickKisses
I hate the way schools make you pick things to be 'well rounded', why can't we study what we like and are good at? Forcing someone to study something they hate isn't going to get anyone anywhere...
Exactly. I had to study Religious Education at GCSE. I hated it. I am glad that at degree level, I can pick whatever I want. Except, I want to do a bit of most things now.
Original post by OU Student
He'll be fine. And he's got you and family if he struggles. A friend of mine who has AS has a child (they are however, in the crap situation of them all having some form of mental / learning disability) and for the most part, manages.
Thank you for this; every bit of info that makes me think he'll be able to cope stops me from worrying quite so much!
Original post by xoxAngel_Kxox
Thank you for this; every bit of info that makes me think he'll be able to cope stops me from worrying quite so much!
I think your worries are natural.
Original post by Cirsium
Because maybe they're like you too! There are plenty of quiet geeky girls (not necessarily with AS themselves) who find perfectionism and in depth knowledge of a subject sexy
Because maybe they're like you too! There are plenty of quiet geeky girls (not necessarily with AS themselves) who find perfectionism and in depth knowledge of a subject sexy
This! I'm geeky (although not quiet, I'm a massive extrovert - my problem is I'm *too* extroverted and it annoys some people) and I tend to go for other geeky guys. I have no interest in generic 'popular' people, we'd have nothing to discuss...they'd think I'm weird and nerdy and I'd think they were boring. So having AS doesn't mean you'll never get a girlfriend/boyfriend.
Original post by OU Student
Exactly. I had to study Religious Education at GCSE. I hated it. I am glad that at degree level, I can pick whatever I want. Except, I want to do a bit of most things now.
Haha, I used to hate our 'IT' lessons - I'm great with computers, I'm a gamer and have been interested in them since I was very little, and we had 'lessons' on things like "how to underline words in a word processed document'
Needless to say I got bored very quickly.
(edited 12 years ago)
I never had IT lessons at school. In fact, I only did 6 GCSE's because most of the teachers left and the school got outed for abusing kids. Hooray for secondary school!!
(edited 12 years ago)
Original post by The_master616
I never had IT lessons at school. In fact, I only did 6 GCSE's because ost of the teachers left and the school got outed foabusing kids. Hooray for secondary school!!
I was taken out of most of my classes at school, I only did 3 GCSE'S and best grade I got was a D in English. Then I went to College and got a 2 B's 2'C's and a D....so much for helping me at school.
GCSE's sucked. I do regret not chasing them up again though, and not doing A-levels instead of my Extended Diploma I'm doing now. Hindsight is a wonderful thing sometimes.
Quick Reply
Related discussions
- Is aspergers a death sentence for having a social life
- Dating as a Trans Person
- GCSE Citizenship Revision
- There's something wrong with me.
- Opinion on Autism diagnosis
- Is the Ignore List broken ?
- Excluded from sixth form, what to do?
- Will the Army find out if I falsify my medical records?
- What are good maths unis that offer AAB or below?
- My mental health
- Need some help deciding between Lancaster and Kent for which I should study comp sci
- I’m 29 and never had a date or first kiss, is it due to being overweight?
- Asperger Female. AMA.
- Biology year 2/3 options
- Empathic people not liking people with Asperger's syndrome
- Can I be a Vet with youth cautions
- Durham University Trevelyan 2020 Offer Holders
- I'm not sure what I'm missing from my own character/appearance?
- Open Days: Where do I go?
- Need some help and info on uni programmes!
