Being single is overrated
I don't understand why so many people love the "freedom" of being single. Unless you are a girl or you're a guy who is good at getting girls, being single is ****ing miserable.
I've been single all my life (i'm 20) and for me, it just means feeling unappreciated and lonely. Every time i attempt a relationship it lasts a few weeks or just over a month and then i end up back where i started, except with even less confidence and an even stronger conviction that i am completely undesirable and that i'm just meant to be single.
I only ever choose to go out with girls who i really really like, so it's not a case of not having met the right person. I've met the right girl on every occasion but it just never works out for whatever reason. Sure, you win some, you lose some, but in my case i've only ever lost, and that means there's something wrong.
I just want someone who will love me as much as i love them but i think maybe i just don't understand how relationships work, and that's why i have no luck. I see couples walking around holding hands and clearly in love with each other and it hurts me a little bit inside. I just wonder, is it too much to ****ing ask that someone feel that way about me??
Please someone tell me how i can somehow make myself feel better about this situation?
I've been single all my life (i'm 20) and for me, it just means feeling unappreciated and lonely. Every time i attempt a relationship it lasts a few weeks or just over a month and then i end up back where i started, except with even less confidence and an even stronger conviction that i am completely undesirable and that i'm just meant to be single.
I only ever choose to go out with girls who i really really like, so it's not a case of not having met the right person. I've met the right girl on every occasion but it just never works out for whatever reason. Sure, you win some, you lose some, but in my case i've only ever lost, and that means there's something wrong.
I just want someone who will love me as much as i love them but i think maybe i just don't understand how relationships work, and that's why i have no luck. I see couples walking around holding hands and clearly in love with each other and it hurts me a little bit inside. I just wonder, is it too much to ****ing ask that someone feel that way about me??
Please someone tell me how i can somehow make myself feel better about this situation?
Well, when you are single you aren't constantly being hurt by relationships not working out - which is why I choose to remain single. I am a lot happier for it because I feel like I am in more control of my emotions, they are not dictated by people leading me on or splitting up with me. I find relationships very stressful, I am forever worrying about how they feel about me and what I do/say. So I like being single because it avoids all that.
The way I see it is I don't need someone else to be happy, who cares if I'm undesirable I have loads of friends and a bloody good life and I enjoy being me.
Just go out there and have fun, don't let it get you down. I don't know if that helps, but it works for me.
The way I see it is I don't need someone else to be happy, who cares if I'm undesirable I have loads of friends and a bloody good life and I enjoy being me.
Just go out there and have fun, don't let it get you down. I don't know if that helps, but it works for me.
Depends on the person I guess. I love being single, love being on my own. Any kind of relationship would do my ****ing head in. I am probably going to remain single all my life. I just don't feel the need or desire for a relationship.
Original post by redferry
Well, when you are single you aren't constantly being hurt by relationships not working out - which is why I choose to remain single. I am a lot happier for it because I feel like I am in more control of my emotions, they are not dictated by people leading me on or splitting up with me. I find relationships very stressful, I am forever worrying about how they feel about me and what I do/say.
This. But i really want a relationship that just works and makes me happy. If i could find someone who loves me as much as i love them then maybe i wouldn't have to be paranoid and stressed. But every time i start dating a girl i'm already paranoid that she's going to suddenly lose interest in me. Maybe it's because it's always happened every time i've been out with a girl for more than a few weeks.
Do you plan to never have a relationship? I sometimes think that's how things are going to turn out for me because i just don't think intimacy comes naturally to me, but i think it's really sad to think nobody will ever love me. I'm an only child with few relatives and even my parents, although they love me, don't show me outward affection. It's just not how they do things. So i guess, because of that, i just wish someone would obsess over me or love me more than anyone else in the world. But that doesn't look like happening any time soon
Original post by Perdiccas
Just because you do not enjoy being single does not mean everyone else does. Some people are naturally very independent/insular or whatever you want to call it - they are happiest when alone and have made a choice in that regard. Maybe they have just been disappointed too many times and don't want to take the risk. Being single doesn't always mean that someone is desperate and lonely - it might just mean that they haven't found the right person, or don't want to.
You're 20 and you've been single the whole time - in no way is that a disaster. But you say you have had some short term relationships ... so it isn't all doom and gloom. Ok, so it didn't work out the first few times - is that a reason to give up? You give up now, it's going to be your fault that you end up single and lonely for the rest of your life because YOU did not put yourself out there.
You're 20 and you've been single the whole time - in no way is that a disaster. But you say you have had some short term relationships ... so it isn't all doom and gloom. Ok, so it didn't work out the first few times - is that a reason to give up? You give up now, it's going to be your fault that you end up single and lonely for the rest of your life because YOU did not put yourself out there.
I wouldn't really call them short term relationships. I don't really feel as if any of the girls i dated wanted to take things too seriously. Sure we had a good time dating but deep down i had no faith in myself to be able to make her want to be exclusive with me, if that makes sense? For a start i was too scared to have sex with any of them, not because i put them on a pedestal but because i'm a virgin and tbh i'm scared of embarrassing myself.
My first thought after the last failure was not to give up. I was just confused and disappointed and just sceptical about where my next opportunity was going to come from. I'm at uni and i look around me and, granted, i don't know everyone i come across on a daily basis, but there's just no one i find particularly attractive. I have pretty high standards and this probably does me no favours but i don't really want to lower them because it's not worth settling for someone you're not really interested in, and it's not really fair on them either.
My last attempt was when i started going out with this girl at uni about a month ago. We had a lot in common and i really had high hopes. She clearly liked me and we got quite intimate and affectionate but not beyond kissing. But after a few weeks when i told her i really liked her she said she didn't want a relationship right now because she wasn't over her ex (who she ended things with 3 months ago). We agreed to keep going out but when i next suggested something she said she didn't think it was a good idea and basically ended things saying she wasn't looking for anything right now, and was sorry she strung me along. I very much doubt she'll even speak to me again, and that really saddens me when i think that only a couple of weeks ago we got on so well.
I was (circa age 20) in the same position as you. Scared of having sex, never had a proper relationship, could get girls interested but could never keep them long enough for a relationship to form. I was miserable. It sucks, I know.
One day I decided I'd had enough and that I was going to get this part of my life sorted. I started reading a lot, talking to people, treating it like I treated my academic studies. Over time I started to understand what attracts women, what they want out of relationships, etc. I realised the mistakes I'd made over the years. It was painful to think how many chances I'd missed just from being too shy or too nervous or not knowing what to do. One girl had been really into me, and I'd known it, and I'd done nothing about it and after a few weeks she lost interest and drifted off. Things like that.
But the point is I put in a bunch of effort and changed myself. And, what's even better, the fact that I was DOING something about my situation really helped my confidence, which helped me be more attractive as a person, etc etc.
Now I have no trouble forming relationships or meeting people. I know what to do. I get laid (something that literally never happened to me before I started trying to improve myself). My life is a hundred times better for having sorted out my attitude and aptitute for relationships.
My point is: I know it's a bad place, but there's plenty you can do to get yourself out of it, and learn how to form the relationship you want. PM me if you want me to recommend some reading materials.
One day I decided I'd had enough and that I was going to get this part of my life sorted. I started reading a lot, talking to people, treating it like I treated my academic studies. Over time I started to understand what attracts women, what they want out of relationships, etc. I realised the mistakes I'd made over the years. It was painful to think how many chances I'd missed just from being too shy or too nervous or not knowing what to do. One girl had been really into me, and I'd known it, and I'd done nothing about it and after a few weeks she lost interest and drifted off. Things like that.
But the point is I put in a bunch of effort and changed myself. And, what's even better, the fact that I was DOING something about my situation really helped my confidence, which helped me be more attractive as a person, etc etc.
Now I have no trouble forming relationships or meeting people. I know what to do. I get laid (something that literally never happened to me before I started trying to improve myself). My life is a hundred times better for having sorted out my attitude and aptitute for relationships.
My point is: I know it's a bad place, but there's plenty you can do to get yourself out of it, and learn how to form the relationship you want. PM me if you want me to recommend some reading materials.
Original post by Anonymous
This. But i really want a relationship that just works and makes me happy. If i could find someone who loves me as much as i love them then maybe i wouldn't have to be paranoid and stressed. But every time i start dating a girl i'm already paranoid that she's going to suddenly lose interest in me. Maybe it's because it's always happened every time i've been out with a girl for more than a few weeks.
Do you plan to never have a relationship? I sometimes think that's how things are going to turn out for me because i just don't think intimacy comes naturally to me, but i think it's really sad to think nobody will ever love me. I'm an only child with few relatives and even my parents, although they love me, don't show me outward affection. It's just not how they do things. So i guess, because of that, i just wish someone would obsess over me or love me more than anyone else in the world. But that doesn't look like happening any time soon
Do you plan to never have a relationship? I sometimes think that's how things are going to turn out for me because i just don't think intimacy comes naturally to me, but i think it's really sad to think nobody will ever love me. I'm an only child with few relatives and even my parents, although they love me, don't show me outward affection. It's just not how they do things. So i guess, because of that, i just wish someone would obsess over me or love me more than anyone else in the world. But that doesn't look like happening any time soon
Not until I am older and guys my age know how to treat a girl and be kind no, I don't plan on having a relationship. You don't wan't someone obsessing over you though, believe me, that's less fun than staring at a wall... It's fine, I'm not particularly affectionate either, just enjoy what you have, I'm so happy now that I learnt to appreciate what I have and not obsess over or even worry about what guys think/whether a guy likes me etc.
Original post by Anonymous
I've been single all my life (i'm 20) ... Every time i attempt a relationship it lasts a few weeks or just over a month
I've been single all my life (i'm 20) ... Every time i attempt a relationship it lasts a few weeks or just over a month
Bit of a contradiction there..
Original post by Anonymous
I only ever choose to go out with girls who i really really like, so it's not a case of not having met the right person. I've met the right girl on every occasion but it just never works out for whatever reason. Sure, you win some, you lose some, but in my case i've only ever lost, and that means there's something wrong.
You keep screwing up because you put too much into relationships. You base your self-esteem and happiness on whether or not you have a girlfriend. That kind of attitude is really horrible to be partnered up with, unless the other partner is equally needy and desperate.
You don't have to be miserable as a single person, to enjoy a relationship. You can enjoy both states, and well.. Most healthy people do.
Original post by redferry
Not until I am older and guys my age know how to treat a girl and be kind no, I don't plan on having a relationship. You don't wan't someone obsessing over you though, believe me, that's less fun than staring at a wall... It's fine, I'm not particularly affectionate either, just enjoy what you have, I'm so happy now that I learnt to appreciate what I have and not obsess over or even worry about what guys think/whether a guy likes me etc.
Pretty much this.
The problem is that guys and girls put way too much emphasis on finding a partner, that all the other areas of the life seems to just fall short. Just like you, I can't do with a relationship at the moment - wouldn't be able to spend enough time with her etc etc.. though my main reason is finding someone who I deem is on my 'level' - though it's best not to search sometimes.
Original post by alawhisp
Bit of a contradiction there..
You keep screwing up because you put too much into relationships. You base your self-esteem and happiness on whether or not you have a girlfriend. That kind of attitude is really horrible to be partnered up with, unless the other partner is equally needy and desperate.
You don't have to be miserable as a single person, to enjoy a relationship. You can enjoy both states, and well.. Most healthy people do.
You keep screwing up because you put too much into relationships. You base your self-esteem and happiness on whether or not you have a girlfriend. That kind of attitude is really horrible to be partnered up with, unless the other partner is equally needy and desperate.
You don't have to be miserable as a single person, to enjoy a relationship. You can enjoy both states, and well.. Most healthy people do.
Is there ever a time when you don't speak sense?
Original post by alawhisp
Bit of a contradiction there..
You keep screwing up because you put too much into relationships. You base your self-esteem and happiness on whether or not you have a girlfriend. That kind of attitude is really horrible to be partnered up with, unless the other partner is equally needy and desperate.
You don't have to be miserable as a single person, to enjoy a relationship. You can enjoy both states, and well.. Most healthy people do.
You keep screwing up because you put too much into relationships. You base your self-esteem and happiness on whether or not you have a girlfriend. That kind of attitude is really horrible to be partnered up with, unless the other partner is equally needy and desperate.
You don't have to be miserable as a single person, to enjoy a relationship. You can enjoy both states, and well.. Most healthy people do.
This sums up your problem well OP. Mind you even since I started not to do that I haven't had a relationship, but that's more because I couldn't care less about them now! Better to be happy and single than hurting and have relationships though
Original post by Spontogical
Is there ever a time when you don't speak sense?
That stage on Whored Mode where you're a cardinal and a ton of zombies just train eat you usually turns me into a raging nonsensical wreck..
Other than that, no
Original post by redferry
This sums up your problem well OP. Mind you even since I started not to do that I haven't had a relationship, but that's more because I couldn't care less about them now! Better to be happy and single than hurting and have relationships though
Quite right - searching for a relationship when you are struggling to feel happy alone is only setting yourself up for failure. It creates way too heavy a power imbalance in the relationship, as the needy one relies on the other for their happiness. That can so easily be abused, and when the relationship inevitably ends, it can leave the needy one in an even worse self-doubting spiral of despair..
Learning to be happy alone doesn't mean your perfect partner is going to suddenly land in your lap, but it does mean that when you eventually meet someone, you are better placed mentally to form a lasting and genuine connection
Original post by alawhisp
That stage on Whored Mode where you're a cardinal and a ton of zombies just train eat you usually turns me into a raging nonsensical wreck..
Other than that, no
Quite right - searching for a relationship when you are struggling to feel happy alone is only setting yourself up for failure. It creates way too heavy a power imbalance in the relationship, as the needy one relies on the other for their happiness. That can so easily be abused, and when the relationship inevitably ends, it can leave the needy one in an even worse self-doubting spiral of despair..
Learning to be happy alone doesn't mean your perfect partner is going to suddenly land in your lap, but it does mean that when you eventually meet someone, you are better placed mentally to form a lasting and genuine connection
Other than that, no
Quite right - searching for a relationship when you are struggling to feel happy alone is only setting yourself up for failure. It creates way too heavy a power imbalance in the relationship, as the needy one relies on the other for their happiness. That can so easily be abused, and when the relationship inevitably ends, it can leave the needy one in an even worse self-doubting spiral of despair..
Learning to be happy alone doesn't mean your perfect partner is going to suddenly land in your lap, but it does mean that when you eventually meet someone, you are better placed mentally to form a lasting and genuine connection
And you are far less likely to put up with ****/bad treatment/flakyness off them if you don't need them to be happy
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