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Sharing beds with friends

I stayed with a female friend of mine the other day and we slept in her bed. We are purely friends and have been for years but when my girlfriend asked where i slept and i told her she went off on one at me about, how could I and how I must not love her. I have been going out with her for 18 months and love her loads and thought this reaction was over the top.

Am I in the wrong or is she? Some ideas would be good as i'll be seeing her later and would like to sort things out! :confused:

Reply 1

freshestkid

1

Bit of a daft thing to do, even more daft to tell your Mrs, even if nothing happened, imagine if you were in her shoes mate, especially bearing in mind how insecure a lot of girls are about this stuff

edit: Tell her you top'n'tailed, should keep her sweet :biggrin:

Reply 2

high priestess fnord

9

erm letting your girlfriend know was a litttle insensitive. does she have male friends? if not she wont understand at all.

Reply 3

username47781

20

I think she was right to react like that i'm sorry but if any girl did that to me i would not be happy, sorry but you'll be lucky if she stays with you.

Reply 4

Kate.

15

It was a bit stupid of you - I'd get pissed off if my boyfriend slept in the same bed as another girl...I think most girls would.

Wouldn't you be at all annoyed if she stayed with a male friend and slept in the same bed as him?

Reply 5

bluedreamer

1

I wouldn’t share a bed with my mother - what’s wrong with you? :mad:

(jk

) I can see how she could have over reacted. Think of it this way, what if she shares a bed with a male friend? Even if nothing happened, it’s still weird o.O

Reply 6

erk

14

Carl1982

I think she was right to react like that i'm sorry but if any girl did that to me i would not be happy, sorry but you'll be lucky if she stays with you.

Think you're overracting here, atleast he told her - meaning he thought it was totally innocent.

Did the same - someone else told her - she went insane, but let's be honest, it's justified in alot of ways. Jus don't do it again.

Reply 7

username47781

20

well he did tell her but it's not a clever thing to do, not saying anything would have gone on but she won't see it like that, shes going to think she ain't good enough.

Reply 8

pink_lucie

14

dont tell your gf ever, she will get totally the wrong idea. but then again youve been together so long and she doesnt trust you....thats kinda bad

Reply 9

Anonymous #1

OP

Bloody women! They do seem to overreact to everything. I wouldn't have an issue if she did it and told me cos i trust her totally. Perhaps she doesn't trust me then?

Reply 10

Schmokie Dragon

17

I would not react the way she reacted but you must understand it from her POV. She only has your word that nothing happened, and she would like to think that you, in bed and asleep, is her terriatory and hers alone. Being in bed with someone and its only a small leap to kissing or sexual behavior. Does she know this girl? If it is someone who she knows of and knows thatyou are really close to, you may be able to ask her how she would feel if it was her sleeping next to a close friend and how you don't think gender should matter and that you would trust her so she should trust you. You need to understand that women are very needy and terriatorial. You are HER man so she does not want other girls ANYWHERE near you.

But the more you push, the more it will look like it matters to you and she will assume you want sex or something. Juts tell her you think she overreacted, but if it means that much to her you won't do it again.

Whats more important, a little comfort with the friends or keeping your woman sweet?

Reply 11

Anonymous #2

If u still want her:
tell your gf that you were being honest and didn't want to lie to her and appologise for not realising that wasn't appropriate. Tell her that you understand how she feels (ie: if she stays with her male mate u'll be mental as well). And promise that you'll not do that again. AND dont forget to say something sweet at the end.

If u cant be bothered(which is unlikely):
Aks her not to be foolish.

ps: i know this is not your fault but it's better just to let her win for once.

Reply 12

Anonymous #2

Anonymous

Bloody women! They do seem to overreact to everything. I wouldn't have an issue if she did it and told me cos i trust her totally. Perhaps she doesn't trust me then?

Mate. they just plain JEALOUS because they like u so much. :p:

Reply 13

ruthiepoothie

11

Anonymous

I stayed with a female friend of mine the other day and we slept in her bed. We are purely friends and have been for years but when my girlfriend asked where i slept and i told her she went off on one at me about, how could I and how I must not love her. I have been going out with her for 18 months and love her loads and thought this reaction was over the top.

Am I in the wrong or is she? Some ideas would be good as i'll be seeing her later and would like to sort things out! :confused:

In my opinion its something that's fine to do, as long as you're both single. Even though nothing happened, sharing a bed with someone is quite a close and intimate thing to do in many ways, and when you're in a relationship that should really be saved to share with your partner. I've done it before when i was single, but now i'm with my boyfriend i wouldn't even consider it- it just wouldn't be fair on him. Even though nothing would happen- it's just something that i'd like to do just with my boyfriend.

Perhaps you could just explain to her that you didn't realise it would upset her so much, and that in future you won't do it. I think as long as you both know the score, and would both do the same thing in that situation and are both happy with it then that's fine.

Hope that helps,

Ruthie xx

EDIT: It's not even really a trust issue, it's just weird to think of you other half sharing a bed with a friend of the opposite sex in my opinion. I wouldn't like it if my bf shared a bed with a female friend, even one he'd known for ages, and I don't think that's unreasonable, as I know he wouldn't like it if i did it either. You just need to make sure that you both know where the line is with things like that.

Reply 14

icklehc

1

oh my gosh i wud go mad if that was my bf too! there is a diference between being mates with a girl and sleeping in the same bed. its understandable that shed be jealous imo.

Reply 15

high priestess fnord

9

Schmokie Dragon

You need to understand that women are very needy and terriatorial. You are HER man so she does not want other girls ANYWHERE near you.

men are just as possesive as women and with far less need to be. the one with the highest sex drive is the one most likely to stray and that would usually be the guy! i think you go for the wrong sort of women sweetie.

anyway. to the op: i doubt she will dump you over a misunderstanding. just tell her you just didnt realise that she would feel like that about it. your mate is very close to you and you just dont see her in a sexual way at all, therefore you didnt view it as any different to sharing a bed with a male friend. then admit that you have been stupid and should have thought about her feelings 1st and do alot of groveling.

Reply 16

need_money

9

Well .. my best mate stayed at my bfs house before (her bf was there as well though) and they all slept in the same bed. But I managed to keep my mouth shut about it even though it bothered the crap out of me. So really she could have tried to be a bit more understanding but at the same time I know how it feels and I know that if he did it again alone with a girl I would have been 10 million times worse so she also does have the right. Bit of a toss up really but you both sorta in the wrong.

Reply 17

zav

14

TBH i would not mind if my gf slept in the same bed as another guy if it was completly innocent...
Unless it was someone she used to like or some other reason.
If i was staying over at a party or whatever ive shared bed's with a couple of girls i don't know very well at all. If one of them tryied to come on to me i would just explain i had a gf.
Sometimes its needed its not like there was another bed free and he choose to sleep in her bed cause that is maybe to far as there is a motive

Reply 18

randdom

20

If I knew the girl that my boyfriend had shared the bed with and knew that they were just friend I don't think it would bother me. I have shared beds with my male friends at sleepovers etc and had been completely plutonic. The fact that you told her should prove to her that it was completely honest. Sit her down and explain to her what happend and I am sure it will be ok.

Reply 19

shinyhappy

14

Anonymous

I stayed with a female friend of mine the other day and we slept in her bed. We are purely friends and have been for years but when my girlfriend asked where i slept and i told her she went off on one at me about, how could I and how I must not love her. I have been going out with her for 18 months and love her loads and thought this reaction was over the top.

Am I in the wrong or is she? Some ideas would be good as i'll be seeing her later and would like to sort things out! :confused:

I can understand where you're coming from in that I have close male friends who I'd happily sleep in the same bed with. Not when I had a boyfriend though. Although you know perfectly well it didn't mean anything, its still a very insensitive thing to do. I'd go mad at my boyfriend if he did that, and I'm sure he'd be annoyed if I did it. If I were you I'd apologise profusely, buy her flowers or something and try and explain that you didn't realise it would hurt her feelings, and that you won't do it again...

Sharing beds with friends

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