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Too much on my mind - cannot cope

ok well not only do i have to decide on a uni course in the next week - i also have to start preparing for my exams in may.
then last week my mum went into hospital and just found out she has bone cancer (terminal) which is incredibly **** - i feel really ignorant on this and im the sort of person that will now go and investigate this subject for days - wasting revision time - also i have no idea how much time she has left and feel a bit crap because she lost her dad to cancer at 7 and i am 17 and if it runs in the family i dont want my children to lose a parent at that young an age - also it has just made me reflect on what a ****ing prick ie been for the last 6 years - ive had some problems at the end of primary and saw a psychiatrist - i am better now but that tore our family apart and there has been a distance between everyone that i have maintained - i just swear at them all or ignore them and just treat them like **** - i was at another relatives funeral ealier last week - and these have just made me realise we are mortals and finite entities - i just wanna make the time she has left as good as i possibly can to compensate for my last few years - but if i force it too much it would be obvious and she has told us she doesn't want our lives to change drastically because of her - also i am leaving for uni in september which reduces the time i can see her on

also there's this girl i realaly get on well with - she is without a doubt my best friend and we have always kinda flirted and had a unique intamacy that allows us to share private things with each other - only thing is i have always wanted something more and even though she is much hotter that me i think she does too - only thing is i am gonna have much less time with her now and also next year i am gonna lose her when we go to different unis - i am really scared that might be forever cos we will be really far away and we will obviously be meeting new people and even if we try to stay in touch - it cant last 4/5 years at that distance

i guess i just posted here to whinge - but this is really getting me down at the moment and i just kinda need to take a day out and do something different to take my mind off it all

if anyone has any other suggestions they are appreciated as well as any info on the time scale for this type of cancer

thanks

Reply 1

c0co

12

I'm really sorry about your mom. Do you mean bone marrow cancer? It depends what type she has but usually the treatment is surgery, radiation therapy and fractionated dose chemo. You can never really predict a time scale. With the girl...maybe what's going on with your mom will help you realize that it's worth it in life to not worry so much about the future so if you like her you should tell her despite the risk of going to different unis. Maybe if your mom is sick it would be better for you to take a year out, cause you might wana b with her but it's all up to you. I'm sorry your having such a sh***y time but I guess when bad stuff happens it all seems to happen at once.

Reply 2

aleathiel

16

hey i kinda know what ur going through cos my dad has cancer and I dont know how much longer Im gonna have with him either..
pm me if you ever need to talk about things!

Reply 3

WokSz

17

I'm really sorry to hear that, I lost my grandma to breast cancer two years ago. It drastically affected me and I still get sad thinking of her. I don't even want to imagine what it would be like to lost a parent to cancer. I think you should maybe take the day out and do something with your mum. You need to support her in this time of need. She needs you the most right now.

Reply 4

FyreFight

14

I'm so sorry to hear about your mum. When I was 13, my mum got breast cancer too, and I couldn't think about anything else for days. Thankfully, she's got the all-clear now, but I know what it's like to have a parent contract cancer, and my heart goes out to you and your family.

Chrissy is right about the time scale, though - nobody really knows how long it will be. There are so many things which could affect the growth of the cancer that nobody can predict a length of time with any reasonable accuracy. My only advice would be to make the most of what you have now.

Reply 5

puppy

Maybe get in touch with unis and see about deferring entry. Would it make things easier if you were to put that back a year and then have a year in which you could see your mum as much as you want? It would certainly take the pressure off a bit.

Reply 6

Shéamais

11

I think your mum would want you to do well in your exams. Make sure you do well in them for her, make her proud.

Reply 7

Angelil

19

puppy

Maybe get in touch with unis and see about deferring entry. Would it make things easier if you were to put that back a year and then have a year in which you could see your mum as much as you want? It would certainly take the pressure off a bit.

Can't really add much more to what others have already said. Just spend as much time with your mum as you can but don't feel that your life has to stop. Try and get on with things as best you can - easier said than done, I know.

Reply 8

kateykat

This brings back memories. I'm so sorry latentcorpse, having an ill mother is the most awful thing ever. My mum had ovarian cancer for 2 years, found out when I was about 14, then a few months before GCSEs we found out it was terminal and she died. I understand how much it affects you psychologically, when you're about to take big exams the last thing you want to be doing is trying to get your head around the death of someone so close. I'm about to take A-levels and I still haven't properly dealt with her death yet because I've been so busy just trying to keep my head above water with 6th form and exams. Once it's all over I am going to give myself more time to think about her and I may get counselling (which I had to abandon initially since I was just too busy).

As puppy said, you can defer your entry if you want more time with your mum. Also bear in mind that you can apply for extenuating circumstances which means that your situation will be taken into account when your exam papers are marked. I think it's a good idea to do this. My dad had bowel cancer during my AS levels (2 parents within the space of 3 years...I couldn't believe it) and I had to adapt and do more round the house. It really affected my grades because again my head was all over the place, so I do wish I had applied for extenuating circumstances rather than struggled on.

Do all you can to help yourself, talk to your teachers and decide what you think is the best action to take. Don't be afraid to put your hands and up and say: "This is too much for me" because you have so much going on in your life at the moment and it's understandable. Spend as much time with your mum as possible and make the most of the time you have left together.

Reply 9

naughty_uk2

i, in a way, know what your going through with the stress, except about your mum.
Just before my 15th birthday my parents broke up, my mum left, and i rememebr her saying that she was going to wait until i'd finished my GCSE's to leave, but that she couldnt wait anymore. I used to be so close to her, and not at all to my dad, but now i hardly see her cos I still cant get over it, and its only just hit me, cos i used to just not care about it, but over christmas I developed depression and i was just thinking all the time, why wasnt i worth staying for? i had to do 2 A level courseworks and prepare for my january exams at the same time, and although i got myself together, i could still have doen better. But i agree, dont be afraid to say you cant cope. im applying for special consideration about my coursework marks so that i can hopefully push the marks up a little, so I suggest you think about doing the same.

I know the circumstances arent the same, and Im not trying to get sympathy or make my own sob-story, but there are a lot of people around you to help and to understand

Too much on my mind - cannot cope

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