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    Anon as it is a sensitive topic...

    When I was 16 I got into an intimate relationship with a family friend who was in their mid-forties. I lost my virginity to him and at the time was very happy and we both had feelings for each other, seeing each other socially as well as for sex.

    My family did not, and still do not, know anything about the relationship, which meant that seeing each other was sometimes tricky and there were a few close calls in the 2 years that we were seeing each other.

    Around 1 year into the relationship, he told me that I was never going to get "I love you" from him, and that clearly there was no future in it, but he wanted to keep seeing me. I obviously knew that nothing would ever come from it and accepted that, but still carried on seeing him up until I went to university.

    It's been a few years since then now and it is now that I look back at it and regret it. Although I've dated a few men since then I feel like it's tainted me, and I'm reluctant to tell them about it.

    I suppose what I'm really looking for here is for anyone who has been in a similar situation to this to share their experiences?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Anon as it is a sensitive topic...

    When I was 16 I got into an intimate relationship with a family friend who was in their mid-forties. I lost my virginity to him and at the time was very happy and we both had feelings for each other, seeing each other socially as well as for sex.

    My family did not, and still do not, know anything about the relationship, which meant that seeing each other was sometimes tricky and there were a few close calls in the 2 years that we were seeing each other.

    Around 1 year into the relationship, he told me that I was never going to get "I love you" from him, and that clearly there was no future in it, but he wanted to keep seeing me. I obviously knew that nothing would ever come from it and accepted that, but still carried on seeing him up until I went to university.

    It's been a few years since then now and it is now that I look back at it and regret it. Although I've dated a few men since then I feel like it's tainted me, and I'm reluctant to tell them about it.

    I suppose what I'm really looking for here is for anyone who has been in a similar situation to this to share their experiences?
    Will he at least put you in his will???
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    (Original post by PrincePauper)
    Will he at least put you in his will???
    What?

    To the thread starter: I haven't been in your position, but I know how you feel. It's nothing to feel ashamed about. It's an experience amongst others. You've learned from it and that's the most important. You did nothing wrong. He on the other hand I'm not so sure, but you definitely have nothing to feel ashamed about.

    If it makes you uncomfortable to talk about it, you don't have to. No one is forcing you to. Maybe you can write things down and that'll help. I once felt very down and needed to express my feelings. I wrote everything I felt on a piece of paper which I then burnt. Watching it burn I felt great relief. Maybe you can find something similar, your own catharsis.
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    I haven't been in your position, but what compelled you to do that? (don't know if that's a word)

    Don't let it get to you, it's one moment of your life and it's in the past.
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    (Original post by RemiMarcelle)
    I haven't been in your position, but what compelled you to do that? (don't know if that's a word)

    Don't let it get to you, it's one moment of your life and it's in the past.
    Pretty long moment, 2 years
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    (Original post by PrincePauper)
    Pretty long moment, 2 years
    I was trying to be supportive, but okay
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    (Original post by RemiMarcelle)
    I was trying to be supportive, but okay
    I appreciate, but thats just massively distorting the truth and practically sugar coating a turd.
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    (Original post by miniteen)
    ..
    Thank you, I ought to try that.

    (Original post by RemiMarcelle)
    I haven't been in your position, but what compelled you to do that?
    Being young and thinking that you know what you want.. I was flattered by the attention I suppose.

    (Original post by PrincePauper)
    Will he at least put you in his will???
    Thanks for your input.
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    Well if u feel very disapointed and feel like the older guy misused ur trust. then telling ur family would certainly make the guy feel a bit what he has done to u in the past....
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    (Original post by PrincePauper)
    I appreciate, but thats just massively distorting the truth and practically sugar coating a turd.
    I was saying that those 2 years is just one moment, and that if it is regretted, don't worry about it.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Being young and thinking that you know what you want.. I was flattered by the attention I suppose.
    Didn't you get attention from boys your own age? That's old enough to be your dad..
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    (Original post by RemiMarcelle)
    I was saying that those 2 years is just one moment, and that if it is regretted, don't worry about it.
    no problem, lets leave it at that. I wouldnt fancy spending any longer than "a moment" on this issue.
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    (Original post by RemiMarcelle)
    Didn't you get attention from boys your own age? That's old enough to be your dad..
    I did, I actually ditched my current boyfriend at the time to date this older guy... It seemed a bit more 'glamorous' seeing an older, more mature guy. I've always had a mind a little older than my friends and I suppose this was just an extreme fantasy based on that that happened to come true.
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    Okay...think about this...

    You were in a relationship. You were happy. It was positive for you not only sexually, but emotionally. That all sounds good so far. The only thing that's "wrong" with it is that society doesn't approve of it and sees it as abnormal.

    Don't think it's tainted you. Older men aren't somehow corrupted, at least, no more than younger men. People can be loving or compassionate or intelligent at any age; conversely, they can also be selfish or controlling or ignorant at any age. How old someone is is inconsequential with regards to how good a partner they are.

    I would try to not feel guilty for being in a relationship with someone who made you happy. Isn't that what we're all looking for?

    I've been in one brief relationship with an older man (the age gap was very similar actually). People sometimes gave us funny looks, but I just shrugged them off. I found that, with friends (and other partners), it's best to just not make it a thing. Don't, like, shove it in their faces, but if it comes up just talk about it the way you would any relationship. Humour can help defuse awkward situations; funny stories where the age gap led to misunderstandings, good "and my parents almost caught us tales, etc...dot hide it. Hiding information gives it a value and an import that it just doesn't have if everyone knows. People can't tell their friends if you've already told them.

    I'm not sure why you might regret it; do you feel guilty about hiding it from your family? Because, again, being in a relationship with someone who makes you happy no matter how old they are is not something to feel guilty about.
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    If my mate that I had brought into my home started seeing my 16 year old daughter..

    ...Someone's getting hurt.

    Either way OP, you just need to move on from it. It doesn't really have to come up in conversation if you don't want it to.

    But not gonna lie, if a girl told me that I'd be a bit..:curious:.Eyebrows will be raised.
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    In all honesty if i was seeing you and you told me this i'd be dettered from it.
    No disrespect
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    (Original post by MasterJomi)
    But not gonna lie, if a girl told me that I'd be a bit..:curious:.Eyebrows will be raised.
    This is the part that concerns me... that someone would see me differently with that knowledge.
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    (Original post by nivek11)
    In all honesty if i was seeing you and you told me this i'd be dettered from it.
    No disrespect
    I understand that you would be, but why specifically?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I understand that you would be, but why specifically?
    I can't put my finger on it really?
    I just think it's not normal, Its just the age gap and how it seemed like he used you, However if i was madly in love with the girl it wouldn't change my mind, but you have to bring this up early on in the relationship, because i'd be so agitated and feel like i've lied to.
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    (Original post by wildbluesun)
    Okay...think about this...

    You were in a relationship. You were happy. It was positive for you not only sexually, but emotionally. That all sounds good so far. The only thing that's "wrong" with it is that society doesn't approve of it and sees it as abnormal.

    Don't think it's tainted you. Older men aren't somehow corrupted, at least, no more than younger men. People can be loving or compassionate or intelligent at any age; conversely, they can also be selfish or controlling or ignorant at any age. How old someone is is inconsequential with regards to how good a partner they are.

    I would try to not feel guilty for being in a relationship with someone who made you happy. Isn't that what we're all looking for?

    I've been in one brief relationship with an older man (the age gap was very similar actually). People sometimes gave us funny looks, but I just shrugged them off. I found that, with friends (and other partners), it's best to just not make it a thing. Don't, like, shove it in their faces, but if it comes up just talk about it the way you would any relationship. Humour can help defuse awkward situations; funny stories where the age gap led to misunderstandings, good "and my parents almost caught us tales, etc...dot hide it. Hiding information gives it a value and an import that it just doesn't have if everyone knows. People can't tell their friends if you've already told them.

    I'm not sure why you might regret it; do you feel guilty about hiding it from your family? Because, again, being in a relationship with someone who makes you happy no matter how old they are is not something to feel guilty about.
    Great post.
 
 
 
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