Online relationship safety

Hi there,

Can I just remind everyone about the dangers of online relationships. Someone privately messaged me today on here that I had never spoken to before:

"Hi there,
I am glad to post today.It was the same with me i am single from last any years and alone working on my self and studying too
I do live and work in London, professional well educated men seeking sweet girl to get in long term relationship or as girlfriend. I was quite busy with my study and work so didn't get time to get in any relationship . now i am settle down I would like to have someone to love and someone to cheer up my and her own life to think about her .

If you really sounds Interested and fun loving cheer up girl Please don't hesitate to contact me.
Can talk further and meet in Person.

I do believe If you will meet me and get to know about me it wont be time waste at all. U will get great response further.

I look forward to hear from you soon

Regards
xxxx"

I have kept the user anonymous for his (I assume) benefit, although I would like to humiliate him.
The part about meeting is particularly worrying. The problem with internet dating, or even internet relationships, is the lack of knowledge about who you are actually talking to. For example, even if I got talking to this 'guy' on facebook, there would be no way of knowing who he really is.

I'll remind you what I was taught at school, by my parents, and by stories on the news.

For all I know, they could be some 40-year-old man living in China who will meet up with me, kidnap me and sell me off for a fortune.

They could be some sick-minded woman who wants to chop me up into tiny pieces and deliver parts of me home in the post.

They could be the same age as me and genuine, but have never thought about how risky it is to have a 'relationship' with someone over the internet.

For all they know, I could be some middle-aged man working in secret trying to gather information for the a TV show about teenagers of today, with a made-up story to make them think I am a teenage girl.

I could be a member of the police force who has just discovered that they're growing weed in their basement, has already worked out that's how they pay their rent, and has effectively caught them red-handed in the middle of research for their overseas prostitution trade.

I think you get the idea: you can never know over the internet that people are who they say they are. Therefore you should never attempt to initiate or accept a relationship online. If you're that desperate, use an online-dating site, but I disagree with those for similar reasons.

Of course, there is also the possibility that the sender had no bad intentions in sending that message. But be careful anyway. Never meet up with people for the first time alone, and make sure you know the place you are meeting. People can be convincingly trustworthy in messages. Even Skyping each other is more trustworthy than just messages, but is still not trustworthy.

There are some seriously dodgy people out there, so be careful!

Reply 1

squealia

7

this guy posted that as a normal post too, dont feel too special.

Reply 2

419

14

Am I missing something here? What was 'dangerous' about that message?

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 3

fidgetingmidget

2

It's mostly common sense. While you can never be 100% sure you will be meeting the person shown in a picture , you can always compare that to a skype video call with a timestamp. Meeting in a public place and making sure someone you trust knows where you are or will be doing is a good idea too, especially if you tell them the location. I'd say that this danger mostly exists for women, but it's worth taking these precautions no matter the gender.

I'd also say that it would be wise that you choose the location if you are worried.

Reply 4

Elainye

13

I think people are growing wise to this kind of thing although catfish: the tv show tells a different story on how people are so easily manipulated. :tongue:

Reply 5

meenu89

19

Original post by carrotstar

x

He posted publicly too.

Reply 6

ssupernova

11

lot of catfishes out there, be careful

Reply 7

GPH92

14

What's wrong with that? "I do believe If you will meet me " IF ! he isn't forcing you in anyway to meet, or even reply to him.

Reply 8

419

14

Original post by meenu89

He posted publicly too.

Link

Reply 9

Shazzarr

6

There are dangers of online relationships but there are a lot of things you can do about it.
For eg that message you received? Delete, block and move on.
People you add on skype? Add the ones you have a lot of contact with.

I spent 4 years chatting to a girl my own age (im currently 18 and so is she) who im bestfriends friends with, met on a game, and then we finally decided to meet up. Bare in mind, we skyped- phone call and webcam, whilst we played a few games.
Also when i went to meet her i took another friend with me, mostly because this friend has also spoke to her. Anyway, she was who she said she was.

People give online meetings such a bad name, but obviously you don't go randomly meeting someone out of the blue. And if someones acting creepy - your alarm bells should spark.

If youre meeting someone:-
Take a friend, make sure your phones on, tell family where youre going(or a friend), give yourself your own curfew (so if you think somethings not right you can leave asap), make sure where youre meeting is in a public area, make sure you know where the closest police station/place with security guards are, even learn self defence if youre that worried.

And for creepy online messages, there is such thing as a block and report button as well as the fact that you can just ignore them.

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 10

meenu89

19

Original post by 419

Link

Can't find it, maybe it has been by the Mods, but he did. If you don't believe me, that's your look out.

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 11

carrotstar

OP

21

Yeah I guess. I didn't realise it was so accepted! That's the first time (thankfully) I've received a message like that and I'm a worrier so I took it kinda seriously. I guess I wanted to warn others because programmes like catfish show it does happen, and I hate hearing about things like that. Sorry if I offended anyone, sounds like I did coming from some of the replies.