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i cant make friends beucase im too boring

when im around people i cant think of anything to say!
At first i felt calm and confident but i couldnt think anything to say everyone would be chatting away and making friends and i would be just sat there listenting or laughing along.
so i told people that i was shy and will come out of my shell soon , and i was hoping that i would
but now its 8 months later im still quite and now have no confidence , no friends and social anxiety
i gradualy became more self-concious then i actually became shy then i started avoiding people i know , ispent lots of time with people like my flatmates and they would encourage me to talk more but i never could i just had nothing to say!

i feel like i cant approach anyone as i feel like i wouldnt say anything and it would be so awkward i think everyone thinks im so weird , i can see it in their faces when i talk to them , and 90% of all my conversations this year have been small talk
i just dont know what to do

i kept trying to analyse what was wrong with me but now i know , im just an incredibly boring person!! i just never have anything to say
and now beucase my confidence is so low i cant even bring myself to say the very few things i do think of , i also have really awkward mannerisms now that i never used to have and some times feel inferior to other people my age

help what do i do im so lonely , how do i become more intersting and find my persoality?
im geting new flatmates soon and i would like to give a better impression and make friends with these ones and get on with my coursemates better too , just generally have a social life

Reply 1

Paralove

Just talk. Confidence will grow as you do. Avoiding people and not saying anything is only making it worse, so stop doing that.

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

Original post by Paralove

Just talk. Confidence will grow as you do. Avoiding people and not saying anything is only making it worse, so stop doing that.

thats the problem though , no words come to my head

Reply 3

Stony Owner

If you are constantly thinking "Oh no what are they thinking about me" etc etc etc then of course no useful words will come to your head.

How about picking up some books on making small talk?

How about asking questions about them? Asking loads of questions about other people is a great idea as they can speak for a very long time. Become a great listener.

In fact I would recommend becoming a great listener before you consider becoming a better speaker as being a listener is probably a more valuable skill.

Can't remember who it was that said something like this but it's a nice quote: "I know I will learn nothing new by talking today, so if I want to learn anything I'm going to have to listen."

Anyway yeah, pick up some books on small talk and good communication skills, become a better listener. Focus your attention on the other person and stop worrying about how you're coming across. Move your focus from how you're being perceived towards what you're creating in each moment.

I'm not saying this will be a quick easy change, but it's well within your reach. I know that because you are a human being and therefore have an almost infinite capacity for self-change.

Reply 4

Paralove

Original post by Anonymous

thats the problem though , no words come to my head

It's one thing not knowing what to say to something but genuinely having nothing, ever to say? People wouldn't find you boring, rather just VERY quiet and it could come across as a little odd too.