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"Friend" making comments

Girl on my floor who I don't really see as much of a friend but do "hang out" with sometimes has been making several comments about the amount of time my boyfriend has been here.

This weekend, he was here from Friday afternoon til Sunday evening but for most of the weekend we both went back to my home (which is about an hour away from uni). We got back here Sunday afternoon and the first thing she said to him when she saw him was, "Oh, aren't you back in London yet?" in such a rude tone and she said to my closest friend in the block, "If he's still here Monday morning, he may as well move in and start paying rent." It's beginning to annoy me now. I don't think she gets relationships but don't know what to say/do.

Any advice?

Reply 1

beach surf babe

14

Didn't you post this recently before?

She's jealous

*smells jealousy*

Well, it depends on what your halls' policy on having people to stay over is. If you're within the boundaries then you can ask her pointedly if she has a problem, preferably in front of other people. If you're flouting the rules, then perhaps you need to rein in how often he comes to stay.

Although, if you're at home then she has no right to say this and I would bring it up and ask her to cease. Or to play on the motorway.

Reply 5

Alice 00

Why can't she say something! It's her flat as well. She is not exactly asking him to go, she is just making a little comment. Perhaps she is not jealous; maybe she just feel uncomfortable.

Reply 6

LadyEnglish

2

Perhaps she feels he is taking liberties crashing at your place and not making any contribution. Or maybe she feels you're not spending enough time with her and the rest of the people in your accomodation. Or MAYBE she just doesn't like him! Can't blame people for that...x

Reply 7

hippieglitter

19

Does she have a boyfriend back home who maybe won't come and visit her? Thats the problem i had last year and whenever my friends boyfriends came over whether they meant to or not it felt like they were flaunting him in front of me. I didn't make nasty comments to them or anything cos i'm not that kind of person but it did hurt to see these girls all over their boyfriends when mine refused to even visit me at all. Just think about her behaviour other times, watch her reactions when you talk about men, my housemates all knew about the various problems i was having with my now ex because they were kind enough to ask how it was going and give their opinions. Don't come right out and say 'do you hate my boyfriend cos your's won't visit?' but casually drop things into conversation that might trigger her into saying something, be subtle, don't be nasty.

Reply 8

Squelchy

When I was living in a shared house, one of my housemates had his girlfriend there over 90% of the time, and she was rude and bossy to the rest of us. We held our tongues, but in retrospect I wish we hadn't.

Bear in mind it's not your boyfriend's place. I don't know quite how much he is over there, but you should be conscious of it.

Reply 9

Sazarina88

OP

11

Thanks all for your replies.

I haven't posted anything about this before. She has never had a boyfriend, was raised in a fairly strict Catholic environment.

I wouldn't say he is here a lot. When he is here, he's polite to my friends. I don't think I "flaunt" him and my 2 closest friends here are fine with him being here. I still do things with my friends too.

I don't think she is jealous, as Alice 00 said - more uncomfortable with him being here as she hasn't spent much time with or around boys. Does that seem a possible explanation? I can appreciate it's her block too (there are 35 of us in the block) but it's not as though he is being a nuisance, no-one else has had a problem as far as I know.

I don't think she particularly likes him either. It's likely that she's not met anyone like him before. He's not shy, very talkative, that kinda thing, but I'd rather she said something to me than say it to my closest friend here.

I am conscious of how much he is here - it's what bothers me the most. I think I've found a good compromise between seeing him/not seeing him and my friends agree. It's just this girl that seems to have a problem.

Sarah xx

Reply 10

Squelchy

Maybe your friends don't want to tell you that they think your boyfriend is there too much?

Estimate, how much time would your boyfriend be there in an average week?

Reply 11

RocketMan

Oh just tell her:

1) to bog off,
2) to get a life,
3) to get a man (pigs might fly! - add for extra impact, if required)
4) and to mind her own business.

She is only jealous and obviously has issues with people having a life - I cannot stand people like that - nor should you, stand up to her, she'll soon buckle.

Good luck! :smile:

Reply 12

Sazarina88

OP

11

We usually see each other Friday, Saturday and Sunday but he doesn't always come here, sometimes I go to see him.

Reply 13

Sazarina88

OP

11

RocketMan

Oh just tell her:

1) to bog off,
2) to get a life,
3) to get a man (pigs might fly! - add for extra impact, if required)
4) and to mind her own business.

She is only jealous and obviously has issues with people having a life - I cannot stand people like that - nor should you, stand up to her, she'll soon buckle.

Good luck! :smile:

I don't want to be rude to her, I just want her to think about the comments she is making and how they make me feel. I know people will say that I should think about how she feels too and I try to but it's hard when she makes snide comments to others instead of coming to me.

I think my 2 close friends would tell me if it was bothering them. They were the ones that came and told me about the comments and how they disagree with her.

Reply 14

Squelchy

So he's there for 3 days out of every other week? That's really quite a lot of time for a "guest" to consistently be in halls. I can see her point. It wouldn't be a problem for me if I got along with him, but it would piss me off if I didn't.

Reply 15

username47781

20

Agreed i can't see a problem.

Reply 16

ciara

13

As people have said, in a shared environment you have to consider other people before you have guests over. When I was in halls, on an all girls' floor, we always asked if we wanted our boyfriends to stay - nobody ever objected, it was just about having respect for everyone else. Maybe she just assumes you don't care how everyone else feels? It's annoying but if she has a problem she has a right to say something.

Also, you have every right to see your boyfriend, but be warned that if she has commented that you're seeing him a hell of a lot then it's likely that a lot of others will be thinking the same thing. I'm not sure what year you're in at uni but if it's first year then I'd urge you to cut down on the amount you're seeing your boyfriend, as it's inevitably going to affect the friends you make at uni.

Reply 17

samba

6

ciara

As people have said, in a shared environment you have to consider other people before you have guests over. When I was in halls, on an all girls' floor, we always asked if we wanted our boyfriends to stay - nobody ever objected, it was just about having respect for everyone else. Maybe she just assumes you don't care how everyone else feels? It's annoying but if she has a problem she has a right to say something.

Sounds like hell. How come you're still alive?

Reply 18

ciara

13

samba

Sounds like hell. How come you're still alive?

I used the stairs to sneak to more mixed surroundings :wink:

Reply 19

PlayboyBunny

ciara

Also, you have every right to see your boyfriend, but be warned that if she has commented that you're seeing him a hell of a lot then it's likely that a lot of others will be thinking the same thing. I'm not sure what year you're in at uni but if it's first year then I'd urge you to cut down on the amount you're seeing your boyfriend, as it's inevitably going to affect the friends you make at uni.

And this from someone who, according to her profile, is a specialist in the area of "having dysfunctional relationships". Neat!

I barely pop over here, but when I'm on thestudentroom, I bear in mind that
a) all advice is unqualified
b) everyone's a student, or an anthonyjm
c) most people haven't tasted socio-relationship harmony - we're young, there's be a gaussian distribution, tailing off at the top of the scale

The "friend" seems jealous of your sociolove life - do you hold any authoritive positions or have you won anything that she knows about - cash prizes for pub quizzes etc?

I'd wait til you're with all your friends and just have a quick chat with her in front of your friends hun. Keep it simple. "How do you feel about x?" "How do you feel about him coming here?" "How is Friday to Sunday a whole week?" "Tell me what you want and let's see if we can find a compromise" By asking, you make her ask herself several questions that she probably hasn't even considered. She needs to think, and you can guide her thought patterns.

Sam xx

"Friend" making comments

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