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If and how to break up
I've been seeing a girl now for a few months and last night we spoke about exes and sexual pasts. It turns out she's been with a fair few guys- an amount I feel uncomfortable with and I know my friends would feel the same way. How is the best way to end a relationship in these circumstances? Should I tell her my reasons or perhaps make an excuse that would not offend her as much>
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do as you would be done by
There is no best way to break up with someone, but if you really do care for her you'd tell her the truth rather than just make up some excuses.
On the other hand, does it matter if shes been with a few guys? She is with you now and you obviously like her othwrwise you wouldn't have been with her for a few months already. It doesn't matter if your friends will feel the same way as you, they don't even have to know, she probably told you in confidence right?
On the other hand, does it matter if shes been with a few guys? She is with you now and you obviously like her othwrwise you wouldn't have been with her for a few months already. It doesn't matter if your friends will feel the same way as you, they don't even have to know, she probably told you in confidence right?
*knowitall*
do as you would be done by
I do care about her but view her in a different light now. I don't want a relationship, but certainly do not want to hurt her feelings. Surely the lie would be justified?
Anonymous
I've been seeing a girl now for a few months and last night we spoke about exes and sexual pasts. It turns out she's been with a fair few guys- an amount I feel uncomfortable with and I know my friends would feel the same way. How is the best way to end a relationship in these circumstances? Should I tell her my reasons or perhaps make an excuse that would not offend her as much>
You're a ****, and it is my sincere, abiding hope that you die alone.
Yeah, just tell her the truth. I know us women might get very mad at the truth being said by a guy, well atleast it's better than lying. It will help her out in the long run. Just tell her the truth, even if he does get very mad at you, just walk away from it.
Hope this helps.
Hope this helps.
Profesh
You're a ****, and it is my sincere, abiding hope that you die alone.
Anom, I say you should give it a couple of weeks and see if you can get over the thoughts/feelings you're experiencing at the moment.
Your just down right horrible, your girlfriend deserves someone alot better than you, yes it is uncomfortable finding out she's had a few boyfriends in the past, but she's with you because she chose you. Now if you dump her over that then i'm sorry your an idiot and it will be your loss.
But if you want to end it it's up to you, but you will badly hurt her is that what you want, hasn't it occured to you she may actually like you.
But if you want to end it it's up to you, but you will badly hurt her is that what you want, hasn't it occured to you she may actually like you.
That is a truely awful reason to break up with someone, surely her past is simply that, and has little bearing on her feelings now, or her attitudes. If you care about her why do you feel it necessary to break up with her? Well if you're gonna do it have the decency to tell her why, she'll no doubt hate you for it, but lies are not the way to go.
God I hate the judemental people here, when you stop preying on virgins to be your girlfriends maybe you can bring something to the table.
Sleeping with a lot of people indicates that you could have a number of social problems. High insecurity and lack of trust being two. It is a perfectly acceptable reason to feel uncomfortable about someone, my advice is to talk to her about it. Say "I am uncomfortable with the fact you have slept with so many people, I'm afraid that you will not be in this relationship for the long term."
See what she replies with and take it from there. With luck she might get offended and dump you.
Sleeping with a lot of people indicates that you could have a number of social problems. High insecurity and lack of trust being two. It is a perfectly acceptable reason to feel uncomfortable about someone, my advice is to talk to her about it. Say "I am uncomfortable with the fact you have slept with so many people, I'm afraid that you will not be in this relationship for the long term."
See what she replies with and take it from there. With luck she might get offended and dump you.
I've been seeing a girl now for a few months and last night we spoke about exes and sexual pasts. It turns out she's been with a fair few guys- an amount I feel uncomfortable with and I know my friends would feel the same way. How is the best way to end a relationship in these circumstances? Should I tell her my reasons or perhaps make an excuse that would not offend her as much>
Personally i wouldn't be that concerned if my girlfriend had boyfriends before me. After all shes not in the relationships anymore because she didn't feel right with her previous boyfriends and wished to be someone whom is right. However like the thread starter if she has a fair number of sexual partners then i wouldn't be comfortable either. Now im not demanding the people i'm with has to be virgins, but there is a point when I would be uncomfortable with the person I was with.
I do feel incredibly uncomfortable with it- almost as though I'm giving emotionally and practically to a girl other men have blatantly used.
I'm of the opinion that you get together with a person on the basis of who they are. For example, I would never ask a girl to lose weight if she was of that physique when I started the realtionship. Yet unklike physical and to a great extent personality traits, it is very hard to have knowledge about the sexual past of a girl. I feel lucky in a way to have unocvered the truth so soon. Unlike the other things we choose a partner on, this is surely the most potentially destructive to a relationship on account of the delay involved in finding out. Nonetheless, it is an equally valid reason to end a relationship, as although it is a blind factor for a while, it's still an important tenet of *who they are when you meet them*.
Also, even if one does find out irritating habits after the realtionship begins, these can often be worked through. My timekeeping for dates and her driving are both things that emerged and we compromised on. But on sexual past, there can be no compromise. Events are written, set in time, and either acceptable or not.
I know that I could never marry a girl with pride, look at her every day and raise a family with her in the knowledge I now have. It therefore seems pointless carrying on a realtionship that I know will hit a ceiling at one point or another.
That's my reasoning and I know many of my friends feel the same way. The disagreement lies in what is the kindest way to let her down. Can this be done without hurting her feelings?
I'm of the opinion that you get together with a person on the basis of who they are. For example, I would never ask a girl to lose weight if she was of that physique when I started the realtionship. Yet unklike physical and to a great extent personality traits, it is very hard to have knowledge about the sexual past of a girl. I feel lucky in a way to have unocvered the truth so soon. Unlike the other things we choose a partner on, this is surely the most potentially destructive to a relationship on account of the delay involved in finding out. Nonetheless, it is an equally valid reason to end a relationship, as although it is a blind factor for a while, it's still an important tenet of *who they are when you meet them*.
Also, even if one does find out irritating habits after the realtionship begins, these can often be worked through. My timekeeping for dates and her driving are both things that emerged and we compromised on. But on sexual past, there can be no compromise. Events are written, set in time, and either acceptable or not.
I know that I could never marry a girl with pride, look at her every day and raise a family with her in the knowledge I now have. It therefore seems pointless carrying on a realtionship that I know will hit a ceiling at one point or another.
That's my reasoning and I know many of my friends feel the same way. The disagreement lies in what is the kindest way to let her down. Can this be done without hurting her feelings?
So if you really liked her for what you are, you would stick with her, honestly you really need to grow up and accept her for who she is, how clear do i have to make this, SHE IS WITH YOU BECAUSE SHE WANTS YOU NOT BECAUSE OF HER PAST.
Oh and you can't let her down without hurting her feelings so there.
Oh and you can't let her down without hurting her feelings so there.
I do feel incredibly uncomfortable with it- almost as though I'm giving emotionally and practically to a girl other men have blatantly used.
I'm of the opinion that you get together with a person on the basis of who they are. For example, I would never ask a girl to lose weight if she was of that physique when I started the realtionship. Yet unklike physical and to a great extent personality traits, it is very hard to have knowledge about the sexual past of a girl. I feel lucky in a way to have unocvered the truth so soon. Unlike the other things we choose a partner on, this is surely the most potentially destructive to a relationship on account of the delay involved in finding out. Nonetheless, it is an equally valid reason to end a relationship, as although it is a blind factor for a while, it's still an important tenet of *who they are when you meet them*.
Also, even if one does find out irritating habits after the realtionship begins, these can often be worked through. My timekeeping for dates and her driving are both things that emerged and we compromised on. But on sexual past, there can be no compromise. Events are written, set in time, and either acceptable or not.
I know that I could never marry a girl with pride, look at her every day and raise a family with her in the knowledge I now have. It therefore seems pointless carrying on a realtionship that I know will hit a ceiling at one point or another.
That's my reasoning and I know many of my friends feel the same way. The disagreement lies in what is the kindest way to let her down. Can this be done without hurting her feelings?
I'm of the opinion that you get together with a person on the basis of who they are. For example, I would never ask a girl to lose weight if she was of that physique when I started the realtionship. Yet unklike physical and to a great extent personality traits, it is very hard to have knowledge about the sexual past of a girl. I feel lucky in a way to have unocvered the truth so soon. Unlike the other things we choose a partner on, this is surely the most potentially destructive to a relationship on account of the delay involved in finding out. Nonetheless, it is an equally valid reason to end a relationship, as although it is a blind factor for a while, it's still an important tenet of *who they are when you meet them*.
Also, even if one does find out irritating habits after the realtionship begins, these can often be worked through. My timekeeping for dates and her driving are both things that emerged and we compromised on. But on sexual past, there can be no compromise. Events are written, set in time, and either acceptable or not.
I know that I could never marry a girl with pride, look at her every day and raise a family with her in the knowledge I now have. It therefore seems pointless carrying on a realtionship that I know will hit a ceiling at one point or another.
That's my reasoning and I know many of my friends feel the same way. The disagreement lies in what is the kindest way to let her down. Can this be done without hurting her feelings?
In my opinion that is respectable especially you are looking for the right person to have a long-term relationship with, so ignore what the people telling you how wrong you are if you don't let them pressure into thinking that your beliefs are wrong. In fact I do share a lot of your opinions on this issues (im a guy as well). Just wondering how old are you?
Anonymous
I do feel incredibly uncomfortable with it- almost as though I'm giving emotionally and practically to a girl other men have blatantly used.
I'm of the opinion that you get together with a person on the basis of who they are. For example, I would never ask a girl to lose weight if she was of that physique when I started the realtionship. Yet unklike physical and to a great extent personality traits, it is very hard to have knowledge about the sexual past of a girl. I feel lucky in a way to have unocvered the truth so soon. Unlike the other things we choose a partner on, this is surely the most potentially destructive to a relationship on account of the delay involved in finding out. Nonetheless, it is an equally valid reason to end a relationship, as although it is a blind factor for a while, it's still an important tenet of *who they are when you meet them*.
Also, even if one does find out irritating habits after the realtionship begins, these can often be worked through. My timekeeping for dates and her driving are both things that emerged and we compromised on. But on sexual past, there can be no compromise. Events are written, set in time, and either acceptable or not.
I know that I could never marry a girl with pride, look at her every day and raise a family with her in the knowledge I now have. It therefore seems pointless carrying on a realtionship that I know will hit a ceiling at one point or another.
That's my reasoning and I know many of my friends feel the same way. The disagreement lies in what is the kindest way to let her down. Can this be done without hurting her feelings?
I'm of the opinion that you get together with a person on the basis of who they are. For example, I would never ask a girl to lose weight if she was of that physique when I started the realtionship. Yet unklike physical and to a great extent personality traits, it is very hard to have knowledge about the sexual past of a girl. I feel lucky in a way to have unocvered the truth so soon. Unlike the other things we choose a partner on, this is surely the most potentially destructive to a relationship on account of the delay involved in finding out. Nonetheless, it is an equally valid reason to end a relationship, as although it is a blind factor for a while, it's still an important tenet of *who they are when you meet them*.
Also, even if one does find out irritating habits after the realtionship begins, these can often be worked through. My timekeeping for dates and her driving are both things that emerged and we compromised on. But on sexual past, there can be no compromise. Events are written, set in time, and either acceptable or not.
I know that I could never marry a girl with pride, look at her every day and raise a family with her in the knowledge I now have. It therefore seems pointless carrying on a realtionship that I know will hit a ceiling at one point or another.
That's my reasoning and I know many of my friends feel the same way. The disagreement lies in what is the kindest way to let her down. Can this be done without hurting her feelings?
I stand by my first post, being judged unfairly for past indiscretions seems too harsh, but fine, tell her, and do it honestly. You absolutely cannot stop from hurting her, because she will feel your reasons aren't justified. If you care for her still then you owe her the truth, and you can't get away from that!
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