This discussion is now closed.

Check out other Related discussions

visiting anorexic friend in hospital

It was only about a week ago that I made a post bout how to do best deal with my friend, but things have gotten so much wore since then.
She's now in hospital and I can not believe it's gone so far. Nd I mean I literally can't believe it. Im goin2 visit her today and I'm afraid that I'm going to just act as though nothing has happened!Ok advice please, should I do this? Should I pretend everything is normal, as though we're not even in a hospital. (b) should I treat it like other illnesses and ask them how they are etc, but just not mention anorexia or (c) should I have another approach? Please help, going this afternoon

Reply 1

Eblis_O'_Shaughnessy

5

Jaydigity

She's now in hospital and I can not believe it's gone so far. Nd I mean I literally can't believe it. Im goin2 visit her today

If you quite literally can't believe it's gone so far that she's in hospital, then why are you going to visit her there? Surely you don't expect to find her there?

Reply 2

fallingwithstyle

I would just go with how you feel once your there, if you start worrying about how to act then you will be scared to say anything 'wrong' which will leave you both feeling awkward. It’s a positive thing that she is in hospital and hopefully getting the help she needs.

Reply 3

sparkly_tiara

2

You need to act normal in my opinion. Despite the illness, she still is your friend and she needs you more than ever. Talk to her about how she is feeling, see what she says and listen. It is quite likely that she will believe there is nothing wrong with her and might get agressive with the fact that everyone else thinks otherwise but by telling her how concerned you are and that yes, she is ill may well help. Hope it goes okay.

Lou
xxx

Reply 4

Angelil

19

I would say option b) - ask how she's feeling but don't mention the anorexia specifically. Other than that just act normally. I really hope it all works out.

Reply 5

sidi

1

Just be yourself, anything else will come over as false. Ask if you can bring her anything. Take book, magazines but not grapes! You could take her a nice card (Not a get well one) with a few well chosen words in it maybe. Just being a good friend through the bad times is more than enough really.

Reply 6

egg_soup

9

Eblis_O'_Shaughnessy

If you quite literally can't believe it's gone so far that she's in hospital, then why are you going to visit her there? Surely you don't expect to find her there?

what kind of a reply is that? she is her friend - just because she cant believe that her mate has gotten so ill doesnt mean she cant visit her. jesus. thats probably the most stupid comment iv seen. no offence like.

Reply 7

MissHero

1

Try and be normal, and if she looks awful, don't show that you're shocked because unfortunately she may see that as some kind of encouragement. My friend was hospitalised due to anorexia last year, and whilst she was there, she was really embarrassed about it and didn't want anybody to know where she was, so maybe avoid any "everyone says hi/hopes you're ok/etc" type comments unless she asks. Really, she's your friend and you know how to behave around her; she'll probably really appreciate having somebody there who isn't fussing around trying to look after her. Hope it goes well.

Reply 8

Alexander

12

zoe_b

what kind of a reply is that? she is her friend - just because she cant believe that her mate has gotten so ill doesnt mean she cant visit her. jesus. thats probably the most stupid comment iv seen. no offence like.

I believe Mr O'Shaughnessy was simply making a comment on the incorrect use of the word 'literally' in the OP's post rather than actually telling her that she shouldn't go and see her friend.

Reply 9

Leisure17

8

I am sure she knows why she is in hospital as do you, so why pretend that you don't know. She might even have a tube for feeding in her nose.
I guess it would be perfectly normal to ask her about how she is feeling.

Reply 10

lamenter

12

If she isn't going to change. Then let her continue on her destructive path. Some people will never change until they realize that they are losing the people they love.

Reply 11

Shockley

15

Think of what you could bring in for her, such as a magazine or some music. Just be there for her, she might not want to talk about her illness but try and think of things to cheer her up. I'm not saying you should clown about the ward doing impressions of Peter Kay, but you'd be surprised how much being able to laugh can mean to someone.

Reply 12

ice_cube

17

Someone I was very very close to was in hospital for 5 months with anorexia and resulting complications. I visited her 4 times a week the entire time. Yes it was hard but worth it to keep her spirits up.

The best thing to ask how shes doing, let her decide how much she wants to talk. She's probably in enough denial herself as it is.

If you want to ask me anything, feel free to PM me.

Reply 13

Sianey

I was in the same position as you a couple of years ago. The first time I visited her was so horrible, it was a proper hospital, rather than a clinic for eating disorders. I just tried to act normal, (she's a family friend, we had many holidays together as children and I've known her since birth!) so we just talked about memories and families etc. I asked how she was and she started talking about the anorexia of her own accord, not how she felt, but the facts, how much weight she'd put on, how much she needed to put on to be able to do more stuff etc. I'd say just try really hard to act normal.

On a brighter note this friend, while the mental issues are certainly not sorted, she has been out of hospital for over a year, and is doing well at school, and a great weight. So it can get better!

Reply 14

Tag

8

LePinkPanther

Think of what you could bring in for her, such as a magazine or some music. Just be there for her, she might not want to talk about her illness but try and think of things to cheer her up. I'm not saying you should clown about the ward doing impressions of Peter Kay, but you'd be surprised how much being able to laugh can mean to someone.

yeah, a magazine full of skinny girls bragging about how skinny is great and teaching women how to lose weight, that'll help . . .

Reply 15

Anonymous #1

As someone who also has an ED try not to say anything like 'you look better now you've put on weight' and as a friend accept her attitude to treatment whatever it is. Even if she doesn't want to get better, it is your duty as a friend not to judge that. So I think the important thing is not to let your thoughts about her illness or behaviour influence what you do or say with her.

Reply 16

Jaydigity

OP

2

Okay everyone, thanks a mil for advice, I know it's a bit of a thick question "how do I talk to my friend"! but I was just a bit nervous about it and how Id react. I feel a bit better bout it now,thanks again!

Reply 17

Doodahdoo

13

Is she in a psychiatric hospital or a general hospital?

The best thing to do, from somebody who has been in hospital, is just to act as you would normally do. Don't treat her any differently - just because she's in hospital, it doesn't mean her problem is suddenly much worse - or better - and it doesn't make her any differently.

Maybe you could let her know the latest things that have been going on in school/college, any interesting news/gossip, something that she's interested in - ask her what it's like there, is she settling in ok, are the nurses nice - how is she feeling.

x

Reply 18

Doodahdoo

13

Anonymous

As someone who also has an ED try not to say anything like 'you look better now you've put on weight' and as a friend accept her attitude to treatment whatever it is.