Depression & Relationship

I've been in a relationship for two and a half years now and I've had a history of depression prior to starting it. There were several times when I felt it creeping back up, and my boyfriend knew about it, but I always managed to put myself into a better place. Now it's not working.

It's the worst it has ever been and I have approached my boyfriend about it, as well as some members of my family. I don't feel particularly close to family, so I was hoping for some understanding from my boyfriend. Yeah, he's been there for me when I couldn't stop crying and I'm thankful for that, but I feel like he's pushing me away.

I told him I don't like being alone because it keeps getting worse if I am, but he is always busy. Something comes up, friends, pubs, he's too tired. Promises are being broken all the time and it just feels like he's making up excuses. I've literally only saw him once over two weeks, which is very unusual. Even when we do spend time together, he just ends up falling asleep, or arguing about something.

I understand that he needs time away from me, that's natural, but I feel incredibly alone and I don't know what to say or to do anymore.

Reply 1

sophieelis

14

I know how lonely you must be. It's bad enough having to deal with depression let alone going through those feelings and emotions with the risk of losing your boyfriend. It's very difficult when depression is introduced into the relationship unless you have both been through it because the 'healthy' person has no idea how bad and emotional you can feel when you're depressed. Why is he being off? Could be several reasons. Either he thinks you might some alone time, or he doesn't know how to help you so he's trying to remove himself from the situation. It's not that he doesn't want to help you, but maybe it's suddenly too intense for him to deal with right now and he doesn't want to tell you that because he is worried you will be worse off. Are you receiving the help that you need? (whether it be counselling or medication).

I know it's hard not to take it personally that he's suddenly turned his back but just remember that he is probably very confused about the situation and is struggling to know what to make of it because he has never gone through what you have. This does not mean that it is the end of your relationship but maybe have a sit down and say that this is just a phase and that you really need his help to get through it, and explain that he doesn't have to do anything special or out of the ordinary- just to be there and be himself and to act as normal. If he can't accept this you might need to end things with him because you will only feel more upset if your relationship starts gradually going downhill. Is there anyone else in your life that you can turn to?

Reply 2

Kevin De Bruyne

21

Original post by Anonymous

I've been in a relationship for two and a half years now and I've had a history of depression prior to starting it. There were several times when I felt it creeping back up, and my boyfriend knew about it, but I always managed to put myself into a better place. Now it's not working.

It's the worst it has ever been and I have approached my boyfriend about it, as well as some members of my family. I don't feel particularly close to family, so I was hoping for some understanding from my boyfriend. Yeah, he's been there for me when I couldn't stop crying and I'm thankful for that, but I feel like he's pushing me away.

I told him I don't like being alone because it keeps getting worse if I am, but he is always busy. Something comes up, friends, pubs, he's too tired. Promises are being broken all the time and it just feels like he's making up excuses. I've literally only saw him once over two weeks, which is very unusual. Even when we do spend time together, he just ends up falling asleep, or arguing about something.

I understand that he needs time away from me, that's natural, but I feel incredibly alone and I don't know what to say or to do anymore.

Your boyfriend isn't being a good boyfriend at all. In your time of need he should be the one to prop you up, not the one to push you away. Friends, pubs, arguments.. all of that should go away and he should priorotise you until you feel better.

I think something you could do is to just go out and do 'normal' stuff with friends. Whether it's going shopping or swimming or something, immerse yourself in activities with your friends, perhaps in public, so that you don't feel as alone.

I know you've said that you have a history of depression - if you can, try to find whatever's causing it right now and put a stop to that through whatever means you can.

Do stuff that you enjoy to take your mind off stuff.

Speak to a psychiatrist who'll try to make you feel less alone and try to help you find a solution to things.

Depression & Relationship

Quick Reply

Related discussions

Latest

Trending

Trending

Articles for you