Controlling parents (Vent Post)~ TRIGGER WARNING: SELF HARM, SU!C!DE

I’m 16, and my parents continue to treat me like a child, especially my dad. I am a sophomore in high school, and recently I was discussing my future plans to take a senior trip with my friend after we’re graduate high school. I will be 18 then, and a legal adult. My dad forbade me from taking a trip and I told him I would be 18 then, and he said, “If you want to be 18 so bad, when you turn 18 get the f*** out and then you can do whatever the f*** you want.” I can’t wait to move out.

Every time I ask to do something or go somewhere, I have to hear about all of my past mistakes. Around 2 years ago I was in a relationship and I made the mistake of sending him nudes, after I would not send more he left me and blocked me. My parents were ****ed I made such a dumb decision.

Then my freshman year of high school, I started secretly dating someone. We broke up around 8-9 months ago. When our relationship ended, my mental health declined. I lost around 10lbs in less than 2 weeks, I was incredibly depressed. My parents tried to comfort me, but my dad wasn’t as understanding as my mom. I know I shouldn’t have lied and hid my relationship, but he completely disregarded my feelings and said things like “It’s your fault for getting into a relationship when you know you’re not supposed to be dating” and “Suck it up.” I was crushed.

I know it is incredibly naive to think this way, but I believe I have a better idea of what is best for me, than what my parents think is best for me.

I am in ANOTHER secret relationship, and I do not feel as guilty as I used to. He has helped me in so many ways. I have struggled with self harm around 3-4 years now, and he has helped me stay clean. I was in therapy around 2-3 years, and it did not help me as much as he has. I was incredibly depressed and struggled with suicidal thoughts and tendencies. He has helped me so much.

I know as a teenager we believe we know what is best for us and I know this is not always true, but do I go back to my dark state just to please my parents? Is my mental health really worth risking, just to satisfy my parents?

I even get into trouble when my younger sister misbehaves or does something wrong. One of the rules in our house is, we are not really allowed in our rooms unless we are sleeping. My sister enjoys being in her room, and I was told if she goes into her room and I do not realize or inform my parents, I will get into trouble. She is 13, and I feel I should not be so responsible for her behavior.

Awhile back, (around 4-6 months) my room was messy, and that was very “disrespectful.” My parents felt I was incredibly ungrateful and disrespectful so I was grounded for 2 weeks. As my punishment, all of my devices were taken, as well as other “luxuries.” My mom picked out all of my clothes everyday and I did not have a say in what I wore. My door was locked, and my mattress was put into the living room where I was forced to sleep on the floor. I was not allowed to drive because that was a “luxury.” It was absolute hell.

I’ve just needed to post this here as a way to vent and get all of my thoughts out.