Miserable dating experience

Been dating a guy for the last month (we met online). He's 24 and I'm 21. We started off with loads of very flirty texting before we met, which is quite normal I expect.. we had a great first date which ended with a very passionate kiss!

I was really nervous and he said I should relax more. And his confident reassurance was actually quite a turn on. We've been dating for the last 6 weeks or so, been on 8 dates so far.

Did some really cute date ideas like perfume shopping and breakfast chess, as well as a couple of more steamy dinner dates...

So it all sounds good on paper, but we've gone from seeing each other 1-2 times a week to barely once a week, with much less texting.

The last date we went on he cut short becuase he was hung over from the night before and had someone he wanted to meet the next day. I was a bit insulted (more so than usual because I was feeling a bit low for other reasons, which I'd told him about.) I told him I felt rejected by the fact he'd invited me home with him and then told me he wanted to go home on his own suddenly.

I asked him if he was seeing another woman tomorrow and he told me to stop being so neurotic. I thought it was a bit harsh all of it after I'd already told him I was feeling **** after a tough week at work. But I probably shouldn't have asked. (We're not official though)

He kissed me goodnight and promised we'd meet up again in the week. I told him which days I could do.

We've been texting once or twice each day but he didn't ask me out. I invited him round for the afternoon tomorrow and he took 6 hours to respond (as he so often does it's really annoying if it's a question I want an answer to). Meanwhile my friend invited me to something that day and I crossly agreed because id heard nothing back from the guy. I texted him and said come round for dinner instead. The next day(!) he said he already had plans for saturday night.

So basically it's just another week of "not having time" to see each other. Another week of me getting progressively more pissed off.

I feel like I'm being really irrational but surely this should be the exciting fun bit! I also have a hunch he's avoiding intimacy (we tried to have sex once but he had problems with the condom which he was really embarassed about). Is this why he doesn't want to see me in the evenings? Should I say something?

I'm so confused. Any advice is gratefully appreciated!

I don't understand why you asked him if he was seeing another woman? Do you realise how big of an accusation that is? It's not something you just casually throw around?

Its not much of an accusation if you are just dating and not exclusive. She had every right to ask, plenty of people date several people at a time. Some people aren't comfortable with that though and as such should be able to ask.

you saw him once. you have no right to ask him if he's seeing other people. you don't have the right until you've saw him four times and had sex twice.

His behaviour seems quite weird and it's totally fair for you to be frustrated with him.

When I read this I thought ahh the initial fizz has gone, but a few weeks seems too soon for that. I can't really guess what's on his mind, but I would suggest talking to him face to face or over text, just asking him if he's feeling okay or if anything is troubling him.

I'm not sure why he doesn't see you in the evenings, and whether his slip ups made him feel too embarrassed. I would say that's not the issue, he just seems a bit withdrawn on the whole. I know that if something like that happened to me I'd be embarrassed but I'd learn from it and be eager to try again some other time...

Hang in there.

I'm torn between the previous two responders.

His trouble with the condom means that he's very inexperienced.
Now, this could mean that he's worried about trying again, or could mean that he's embarrassed about what happened and is hoping you'll give up after a week or two.

I would say on this occasion, don't give up - I would avoid calling him, and instead very carefully writing your texts to put you in a place where you can see him again and make sure he knows that you're okay with things not possibly going the way they planned. You might even want to ask a psych student about correct wording in regards to NLP and subconscious suggestion - at least for the first text or two - to make sure you can put things in the right way so as to be inconspicuous yet let him know that it's okay if he's scared and it's not like the movies, things do go wrong from time to time!

I would say to hang in there, and don't be too full on but let him know you're there and you're still up for it - maybe ask him out to a comedy film at the cinema? It would put you both in a jovial mood to continue things on in a restaurant or bar afterwards without such awkwardness. It sounds like he could be a really nice guy that's just embarrassed about what happened and has let it build up in his head to something far more and worse than it was.

To be honest I would have noped right out of there as soon as he called you neurotic for asking if he is seeing other women. Completely disrespectful as you had every right to ask as I assume you're not exclusive yet.

My advice, just be straight forward. Tell him you're confused of his behaviour and what he wants and whether or not you should be moving on.

I don't understand why you asked him if he was seeing another woman? Do you realise how big of an accusation that is? It's not something you just casually throw around?

If there are already problems this early in a potential relationship I doubt it is worthwhile to pursue it further.

Aside from my advice just be honest and explain to him what you have written here. If he is serious he will explain himself to you.

back off a bit ... for yourself ...

sounds like this guy is the centre of your life at the moment. it really shouldn't be that way. Live your life, he should be a potential addition. That's it.

Hey! Don't loose your confidence! I know it may not sound great but forget about him. Put a nice lipstick, sexy dress and go have fun! His loss!


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I didn't even think of the prospect of dating multiple people simultaneously. Wow, that would be so much effort. :| Confused.