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I’m scared that my boyfriend will break up with me…

So my boyfriend (m,22, ENFJ) and I (f,20, INFP) have known each other for three years and have been in a serious relationship for two years. We met online and have lived in different cities since then til now, therefore our relationship is and has always been long distance, with us seeing each other about 3–5 times a year due to work, school, university etc. During the early days of our relationship, both of us were in college and we had almost all the free time in the world with little responsibility. Because of that, we spent a **** load of time together otp and on FaceTime, having virtual dates, watching shows and ofc just keeping each-others company. A lot has changed since then. He is now in University and works on a weekend, I am not studying however I’ve moved out of my family’s home and work nights + overtime in order to cover my expenses. Aside from that, a lot has happened in my home life which led to me deciding to move out so young and, mentally, I’m not in the best place right now. My boyfriend tries his best to make time for us, he really does, and I sincerely appreciate it. He’s the one who has always planned out virtual date nights, and long distance DOES take work, he puts it in. Lately, I’ve been finding it hard to show up for him. I spend most afternoons catching up on sleep from work. When I’m awake and have things to do, I end up putting them off until the last possible minute and it’s not intentional, I just procrastinate a lot and have for years; that is nobody’s fault, that is my own flaw which I’m working on. However, my procrastination has led to us not having a lot of time left in the day to spend together because I then have to go back to work. I will be honest, I’m very miserable and depressed at the moment and find it hard to find the willpower to get the things done which I need to. My boyfriend is the sweetest and he has been honest with me and has told me that I’m so unreliable these days and he feels neglected, and his feelings are extremely valid. I hate that I’m driving away the only person who brings me happiness right now and fear that he will one day give up on me and leave me. I want to be a better person for him, but it’s going to take a while because I’m still adjusting to everything that’s
Reply 1
What are the abbreviations and why are they relevant?
Original post by Anonymous #1
So my boyfriend (m,22, ENFJ) and I (f,20, INFP) have known each other for three years and have been in a serious relationship for two years. We met online and have lived in different cities since then til now, therefore our relationship is and has always been long distance, with us seeing each other about 3–5 times a year due to work, school, university etc. During the early days of our relationship, both of us were in college and we had almost all the free time in the world with little responsibility. Because of that, we spent a **** load of time together otp and on FaceTime, having virtual dates, watching shows and ofc just keeping each-others company. A lot has changed since then. He is now in University and works on a weekend, I am not studying however I’ve moved out of my family’s home and work nights + overtime in order to cover my expenses. Aside from that, a lot has happened in my home life which led to me deciding to move out so young and, mentally, I’m not in the best place right now. My boyfriend tries his best to make time for us, he really does, and I sincerely appreciate it. He’s the one who has always planned out virtual date nights, and long distance DOES take work, he puts it in. Lately, I’ve been finding it hard to show up for him. I spend most afternoons catching up on sleep from work. When I’m awake and have things to do, I end up putting them off until the last possible minute and it’s not intentional, I just procrastinate a lot and have for years; that is nobody’s fault, that is my own flaw which I’m working on. However, my procrastination has led to us not having a lot of time left in the day to spend together because I then have to go back to work. I will be honest, I’m very miserable and depressed at the moment and find it hard to find the willpower to get the things done which I need to. My boyfriend is the sweetest and he has been honest with me and has told me that I’m so unreliable these days and he feels neglected, and his feelings are extremely valid. I hate that I’m driving away the only person who brings me happiness right now and fear that he will one day give up on me and leave me. I want to be a better person for him, but it’s going to take a while because I’m still adjusting to everything that’s

I would suggest communication, making plans, being honest, and if you need help, try to find actual professionals. The internet is full of dumb advice.
Reply 3
Original post by Surnia
What are the abbreviations and why are they relevant?

Just personality types for anyone who’s aware of them, to get a better picture of our relationship dynamic. But understanding is not vital to the post.
Reply 4
Original post by Nathanielle_
I would suggest communication, making plans, being honest, and if you need help, try to find actual professionals. The internet is full of dumb advice.

Good advice. I have been honest with him but in quite a vague way because I do find it hard to be completely vulnerable as it makes me feel weak. He also is on the autism spectrum, possibly impacting how he processes my communication. Perhaps I do need to be more straightforward and we will see where that goes. I WAS going to seek a therapist, but I’m already quite self aware and know what all my problems are and why they exist, my struggle is just finding the willpower to make the changes in my daily life that’ll make me feel better, I don’t know how a therapist or counsellor would be of help in that regard.
Reply 5
Original post by Anonymous #1
Just personality types for anyone who’s aware of them, to get a better picture of our relationship dynamic. But understanding is not vital to the post.

Thanks.

First, go and see your GP and make sure you are in the best place physically and mentally. Without asking for too much detail, maybe find a charity that could support you through whatever issues have been happening in your home life; even if it wasn't something that was directed at you, there are organisations for people who've been affected by what they have witnessed etc.

Will you and your boyfriend move to be together when he's finished uni? If so, you've got a target in sight. Could you look for a job with better hours, do some training courses, even online, for experience and qualifications? Start making a written weekly plan; everything from working hours, shopping, cleaning to meals. It could help to see what needs doing, how best to organise it and have a sense of achievement when ticking it off.

All the best!

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