Feedback on my LNAT practise persuasive essay please :)

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Hasanalm
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Hello,

If anyone could offer some feedback on my LNAT practise essay it would be greatly appreciated.

P.S this was timed (40 mins)

Thank youImage

Question;
1. In a Western society arranged marriages should no longer be tolerated. Discuss.

Arranged marriages can be defined as an individual’s mate being chosen by their families. Such a practice has sprung from cultural traditions and although, if tolerated by the west, it could embrace cultural diversity, it’s restrictions of freedom and it’s encouragement of backward thinking is why it has no place in a western society.

Arranged marriages should no longer be tolerated by the west due to the fact that as a society, specifically in attitudes, we have modernised and therefore should no longer be tied to traditional and cultural values. If the west had instead relied on these ancient teachings and traditions, from which arranged marriages have sprung from, the progression of the west would be minimal. However, some may argue that the west should instead embrace this cultural diversity if that should be tolerating the way in which individuals are married. Although the west should be embracing cultural diversity, they must not encourage diversity, such as arranged marriages, which encourage backward thinking and instead embrace diversity encouraging forward thinking which are correlational to the thinking of the west.

The notion of arranged marriages restricts an individual’s freedom. An individual will have no choice in the circumstances of an arranged marriage and instead must be accepting of whom is brought to them. If the west had tolerated this, it would explicitly be going against the freedom of rights it has allowed individuals; freedom which the west has been so proud of. However, some may say that in our life we are reliant and trusting of our parents in various important things and so why should we not trust them with finding us a partner as “our parents know us better than ourselves”. Despite this notion, our parents also encourage independence and as we get older allow us greater freedom. Thus, arranged marriages would directly go against this independence and restrict the freedom of an individual, something that the west should not stand for.

Arranged marriages have often resulted in failed marriages. This has been backed up by statistics in countries where arranged marriages have been considered the norm compared to countries where arranged marriages are not. Individuals should be exempted from being in marriages which statistics have shown are more likely to fail. Thus, the west should not support such a notion. Despite this, arranged marriages can be successful if implemented correctly. Although in such circumstances parents will have the final say, if the potential partners are involved in the process, this could potentially, to an extent, not limit their freedom. However, it seems impossible that arranged marriages could ever involve control beyond that of the parents, therefore such a practice should not be tolerated by the west.

To conclude, arranged marriages should no longer be tolerated by the west. One’s freedom is restricted if complied to the practice and its emphasis on strict parental choice goes against the notion of independence that western societies encourage.
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